Is it wrong to tell people what you think?

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HNA444

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This girl who I used to be friends with (not my choice to end the friendship), has just decided to just ignore me for no reason …or at least never told me what was wrong when I told her I noticed she was different. To be honest, I wasn’t always the nicest to her, because our personalities are very different. Not that I wasn’t nice, but I sometimes got annoyed from her, and it would show. Anyway, I don’t mind if she chooses to not want to be my friend anymore, but I texted her a few weeks after we stopped talking and I jusat asked how she was doing, and she didn’t respond. Well, I didn’t contact her at all after that, until yesterday. I just felt like nothing serious happened for us to stop talking at all… so I texted her and said the same exact text as last time, which was “hey _____, how r u?” Again, she did not respond. I was tempted to say something , either being sarcastic “i’m good too thanks” or calling her a cold person. I did not do that, because I know that’s not right, and I also don’t like causing drama. I also found out that now she made a new friend who she goes out with, and I figure that’s why she ignores me, because now she doesn’t need me anymore. I feel like she’s a user because she doesn’t have many friends, in fact she barely has any that live in the same area as us. I was her only friend, and I felt like she was my friend only because she wanted to go out. Lots of times I didn’t want to go out with her, because she doesn’t have the best personality, and is veryyy shy. But, I would still go. It hurts that now she ignores me and can’t even give me a reason as to why she’s ignoring me or what I did wrong to her. Should I say something? Is it wrong if I told her what I thought, and said “when someone asks you how you are doing, you can at least respond back”
 
You don’t seem to think very highly of her, so why are you concerned about this?
 
If she is not interested in talking to you, just let it be and get on with your life.
 
NEVER EVER EVER BE ASHAMED IN TESTIFYING OF THE TRUTH. THE WHOLE UNIVERSE DOES THIS, NATURE TESTIFYS OF THE TRUTH, CREATURES TESTIFY OF THE TRUTH. EVERYTHING WILL ONE DAY TESTIFY TO THE TRUTH. THE TRUTH IS JESUS CHRIST. And life is preserved by the Truth, everyone will be given purpose only if they put their faith in Jesus. Jesus is the Truth, the Way, and the life. No one goes to the Father any other way.
 
I’m not sure what you’re trying to acheive here, other than the assurance from her that you were a good friend and you were in the right–which is an assurance you don’t need, provided that you treated her properly.

By your own admission, you don’t like her much and you were possibly rude to her – so why does she owe you an explanation if you haven’t made an apology?
 
These are the kinds of short-lived “friendish-ships” that you shave off your life like a man shaves off 3 days worth of stubble after a weekend hunting trip with the boys.

Stubble is ok at first but gets annoying in that 1-week window when it gets long enough to start curling around and prickle your skin, but not so long yet that the tips lie flat against your face. So it’s kind of a relief to get rid of it.

I’ll bet you have no idea what I’m talking about. Which is part of my point. We out here can see your situation from a third-party perspective, plus we are mostly older, and on top of that we have totally different sets of life experiences.

Stop wanting things from her relationshipwise. Let her go. She was never really your friend in the first place, just someone you knew.

It doesn’t matter why she cooled off towards you. Maybe she finds you annoying. Whatever! If it was important she would have said something, but you and your friendship - well, potential friendship, since there never was one to begin with - was obviously not important enough to her, for her to put any effort into fanning it into flame. So she moved on.

You were her only friend … but she was your friend only because she wanted to go out. Yes! Right! So stop bothering her because you have some urge or some emotional or relationship need that you want her to fill for you. You move on too. In five years her name with be a trivia question.

Don’t even bother telling her it’s good form to at least respond to a “How Are You”. Because if you do, you will give yourself away as being needy - which is infinitely worse than being standoffish.

And if you still feel drawn to keep contacting her, seriously ask yourself some of these questions:
  • Do I want someone like that - someone who just stops communicating for no reason, at random - to even be my friend?
  • Do I want to be constantly wondering why she isn’t holding up her end of the friendship?
  • *Do I want to be constantly **kept *guessing where I stand with her?
  • Do I want to be constantly having to deal with her extreme shyness all the time?
So, this is not really about it being right or wrong to tell people what you think - this is about not being a week-old beard on her face! LOL
 
No I usually do, people will either love what I think or hate…but I don’t pussyfoot around. If my opinion is asked I’ll give it.
 
Bezant said:
I’m not sure what you’re trying to acheive here, other than the assurance from her that you were a good friend and you were in the right–which is an assurance you don’t need, provided that you treated her properly.

By your own admission, you don’t like her much and you were possibly rude to her – so why does she owe you an explanation if you haven’t made an apology?
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I’m not going to apologize for something that I don’t even know what I did wrong. I never did anything rude intentionally to her. She doesn’t owe me an explanation either, but she can at least answer when I ask how she is doing. I never said we had to be friends, but can’t we be civil? It just hurts when someone ignores you when you are just asking how they are.
 
HNA444 said:
I’m not going to apologize for something that I don’t even know what I did wrong. I never did anything rude intentionally to her. She doesn’t owe me an explanation either, but she can at least answer when I ask how she is doing. I never said we had to be friends, but can’t we be civil? It just hurts when someone ignores you when you are just asking how they are.
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Civil means that if you see her walking down the street, you don’t cross over to avoid her. It doesn’t mean that she has to take time out of her day to respond to your text messages.

Move on, she has.
 
Rainaldo said:
These are the kinds of short-lived “friendish-ships” that you shave off your life like a man shaves off 3 days worth of stubble after a weekend hunting trip with the boys.

Stubble is ok at first but gets annoying in that 1-week window when it gets long enough to start curling around and prickle your skin, but not so long yet that the tips lie flat against your face. So it’s kind of a relief to get rid of it.

I’ll bet you have no idea what I’m talking about. Which is part of my point. We out here can see your situation from a third-party perspective, plus we are mostly older, and on top of that we have totally different sets of life experiences.

Stop wanting things from her relationshipwise. Let her go. She was never really your friend in the first place, just someone you knew.

It doesn’t matter why she cooled off towards you. Maybe she finds you annoying. Whatever! If it was important she would have said something, but you and your friendship - well, potential friendship, since there never was one to begin with - was obviously not important enough to her, for her to put any effort into fanning it into flame. So she moved on.

You were her only friend … but she was your friend only because she wanted to go out. Yes! Right! So stop bothering her because you have some urge or some emotional or relationship need that you want her to fill for you. You move on too. In five years her name with be a trivia question.

Don’t even bother telling her it’s good form to at least respond to a “How Are You”. Because if you do, you will give yourself away as being needy - which is infinitely worse than being standoffish.

And if you still feel drawn to keep contacting her, seriously ask yourself some of these questions:
  • Do I want someone like that - someone who just stops communicating for no reason, at random - to even be my friend?
  • Do I want to be constantly wondering why she isn’t holding up her end of the friendship?
  • *Do I want to be constantly **kept *guessing where I stand with her?
  • Do I want to be constantly having to deal with her extreme shyness all the time?
So, this is not really about it being right or wrong to tell people what you think - this is about not being a week-old beard on her face! LOL
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You are very right, and brought up some great points. Thank you!
 
HNA444 said:
I’m not going to apologize for something that I don’t even know what I did wrong. I never did anything rude intentionally to her.
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She didn’t start ignoring you for “no reason.” You may not have intended to offend her, but you clearly did. If I valued the friendship, I would have at least asked her directly if I said anything to upset her, and then decide if her reason merits an apology.

That’s my two cents.
HNA444 said:
She doesn’t owe me an explanation either, but she can at least answer when I ask how she is doing. I never said we had to be friends, but can’t we be civil? It just hurts when someone ignores you when you are just asking how they are.
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I think you need to reevaluate your expectations.

Texting her “how are you?” in private is expecting her to keep the appearance of a friendship or close acquaintance. She doesn’t have to text you back.

Being civil means being mutually polite in public (e.g., saying “hello” in mixed company), but essentially treating each other as strangers. While this is the mature thing to do, she doesn’t have to be civil, and if she continues to ignore you in public, you do the same and stop paying attention to her altogether.
 
HNA444 said:
This girl who I used to be friends with (not my choice to end the friendship), has just decided to just ignore me for no reason …

or at least never told me what was wrong when I told her I noticed she was different.

To be honest, I wasn’t always the nicest to her, because our personalities are very different. Not that I wasn’t nice, but I sometimes got annoyed from her, and it would show.

Anyway, I don’t mind if she chooses to not want to be my friend anymore,

Lots of times I didn’t want to go out with her, because she doesn’t have the best personality,

and is veryyy shy.

But, I would still go. It hurts that now she ignores me and can’t even give me a reason as to why she’s ignoring me or what I did wrong to her.

Should I say something? Is it wrong if I told her what I thought, and said “when someone asks you how you are doing, you can at least respond back”
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Think carefully what your words imply about YOUR attitude.

Once I figured you out, I would ignore you too.

Friends are EQUAL. Not one who is superior and the other has to live up to the expections of the one with different standards, even if those standards are better.

Individuals come and go in our lives. They are NOT required to depart from us on the standards we personally set for them.

From an old Beatles song: “Speakin’ words of wisdom, LET IT BE, LET IT BE.”

Let it be. Say no more. Move on. Do not try to assassinate her character to anyone.

This bit of ‘tough love’ feedback comes from a grandfather who is close to our 18 year old ganddaughter and 14 year old grandson.
 
Bezant said:
She didn’t start ignoring you for “no reason.” You may not have intended to offend her, but you clearly did. If I valued the friendship, I would have at least asked her directly if I said anything to upset her, and then decide if her reason merits an apology.

That’s my two cents.

I think you need to reevaluate your expectations.

Texting her “how are you?” in private is expecting her to keep the appearance of a friendship or close acquaintance. She doesn’t have to text you back.

Being civil means being mutually polite in public (e.g., saying “hello” in mixed company), but essentially treating each other as strangers. While this is the mature thing to do, she doesn’t have to be civil, and if she continues to ignore you in public, you do the same and stop paying attention to her altogether.
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Well, after I got a text from her noticing she was very different and short with me, I told her if there is something wrong you can tell me… and she ended up turning it around on me and making seem as if I was the one who was being different, etc., and that wasn’t the case because I was being the exact same as I always am. She is a person who is not very honest or expresses her feelings well, therefore she wouldn’t say if she was mad or upset.

Not saying she lies, but she is not honest about things when you ask her. She turned it around on me, so I didn’t feel the need to apologize after she said that.
 
Thank you for all your responses! I definitely am going to forget about it and her. Thank you, God Bless 🙂
 
HNA444 said:
This girl who I used to be friends with (not my choice to end the friendship), has just decided to just ignore me for no reason …or at least never told me what was wrong when I told her I noticed she was different. To be honest, I wasn’t always the nicest to her, because our personalities are very different. Not that I wasn’t nice, but I sometimes got annoyed from her, and it would show. Anyway, I don’t mind if she chooses to not want to be my friend anymore, but I texted her a few weeks after we stopped talking and I jusat asked how she was doing, and she didn’t respond. Well, I didn’t contact her at all after that, until yesterday. I just felt like nothing serious happened for us to stop talking at all… so I texted her and said the same exact text as last time, which was “hey _____, how r u?” Again, she did not respond. I was tempted to say something , either being sarcastic “i’m good too thanks” or calling her a cold person. I did not do that, because I know that’s not right, and I also don’t like causing drama. I also found out that now she made a new friend who she goes out with, and I figure that’s why she ignores me, because now she doesn’t need me anymore. I feel like she’s a user because she doesn’t have many friends, in fact she barely has any that live in the same area as us. I was her only friend, and I felt like she was my friend only because she wanted to go out. Lots of times I didn’t want to go out with her, because she doesn’t have the best personality, and is veryyy shy. But, I would still go. It hurts that now she ignores me and can’t even give me a reason as to why she’s ignoring me or what I did wrong to her. Should I say something? Is it wrong if I told her what I thought, and said “when someone asks you how you are doing, you can at least respond back”
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This girl who I used to be friends with (not my choice to end the friendship), has just decided to just ignore me for no reason …or at least never told me what was wrong when I told her I noticed she was different.

There is a reason. Telling someone they are different may mean many things to the person you tell.

To be honest, I wasn’t always the nicest to her, because our personalities are very different. Not that I wasn’t nice, but I sometimes got annoyed from her, and it would show.

She probably noticed this.

** Anyway, I don’t mind if she chooses to not want to be my friend anymore, but I texted her a few weeks after we stopped talking and I jusat asked how she was doing, and she didn’t respond. **

I think you do mind or you would not have bothered with this post.

Well, I didn’t contact her at all after that, until yesterday. I just felt like nothing serious happened for us to stop talking at all… so I texted her and said the same exact text as last time, which was “hey _____, how r u?” Again, she did not respond. I was tempted to say something , either being sarcastic “i’m good too thanks” or calling her a cold person. I did not do that, because I know that’s not right, and I also don’t like causing drama.

Sarcasm is a form of anger. You may want to look at yourself for that issue. It is OK to be angry. Anger causes motivation. Investigate that for yourself.

** I also found out that now she made a new friend who she goes out with, and I figure that’s why she ignores me, because now she doesn’t need me anymore. **

Did she really need you? Does anyone need anyone?

I feel like she’s a user because she doesn’t have many friends, in fact she barely has any that live in the same area as us. I was her only friend, and I felt like she was my friend only because she wanted to go out. Lots of times I didn’t want to go out with her, because she doesn’t have the best personality, and is veryyy shy. But, I would still go.

This is very generous of you.

** It hurts that now she ignores me and can’t even give me a reason as to why she’s ignoring me or what I did wrong to her. **

You told her she was different and showed that she annoyed you. You don’t think very highly of her and that probably showed too. She too was probably hurt.

**
Should I say something? Is it wrong if I told her what I thought, and said “when someone asks you how you are doing, you can at least respond back” **

The best you can do is decide if you want this person to be part of your life or not. If you do, then OK. If you don’t then stop thinking about it and move on.

If you want to mend fences then get ready, get contrite and ask her for some time to speak. Honestly tell her that you want forgiveness for devaluing her as a friend. You don’t need to go into details. If she cares she will forgive. If she does not then she won’t and you can move on……
 
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