Is lying a sin in this case?

[MarianD]

I really don’t like one of my friends. He gets annoying, mocks God, makes inappropriate jokes, etc.

So when he asks me to hang out, I have to make up a lie in order to get out of it. I don’t want to hurt his feelings (I don’t like him, but I won’t trample on his hopes and dreams because of it), so instead of saying “No” I just make up a lie. Even if I say “No”, knowing him, he’d turn the car around and make me hang out. Not even joking.

I really can’t find any other way to get out of this. I find hanging out with him to be a huge waste of time full of me getting mocked, and him just getting me angry. It’s better if I just avoid hanging out with him, but I can’t say “No”. Lying is my only option.

I confessed to lying at confession in regards to this incident, but I know for a fact that it will continue to happen and I will constantly have to lie. Is it a sin in this case, and how can I get out of this?

 

[Snerticus]

I really don’t like one of my friends. He gets annoying, mocks God, makes inappropriate jokes, etc.

So when he asks me to hang out, I have to make up a lie in order to get out of it. I don’t want to hurt his feelings (I don’t like him, but I won’t trample on his hopes and dreams because of it), so instead of saying “No” I just make up a lie. Even if I say “No”, knowing him, he’d turn the car around and make me hang out. Not even joking.

I really can’t find any other way to get out of this. I find hanging out with him to be a huge waste of time full of me getting mocked, and him just getting me angry. It’s better if I just avoid hanging out with him, but I can’t say “No”. Lying is my only option.

I confessed to lying at confession in regards to this incident, but I know for a fact that it will continue to happen and I will constantly have to lie. Is it a sin in this case, and how can I get out of this?

Did you discuss this with the priest? If not, I would suggest you do so at either your next confession or perhaps even make an appointment with him to discuss it. I’m sure he will do anything he can to help you.

 

[JM3]

I really don’t like one of my friends. He gets annoying, mocks God, makes inappropriate jokes, etc.

So when he asks me to hang out, I have to make up a lie in order to get out of it. I don’t want to hurt his feelings (I don’t like him, but I won’t trample on his hopes and dreams because of it), so instead of saying “No” I just make up a lie. Even if I say “No”, knowing him, he’d turn the car around and make me hang out. Not even joking.

I really can’t find any other way to get out of this. I find hanging out with him to be a huge waste of time full of me getting mocked, and him just getting me angry. It’s better if I just avoid hanging out with him, but I can’t say “No”. Lying is my only option.

I confessed to lying at confession in regards to this incident, but I know for a fact that it will continue to happen and I will constantly have to lie. Is it a sin in this case, and how can I get out of this?

Your sin against your friend is not as serious as your sin in the confessional. Snerticus is correct, discuss this with your priest. He can explain it to you and help you.

 

[agnes_therese]

I really
It’s better if I just avoid hanging out with him, but I can’t say “No”. Lying is my only option.

Why do you call him a ‘friend’ if you “really don’t like him”? There’s no need to lie. Just say no, thanks, and go on about your business. If he tries to give you the third degree about why, just tell him you have other things you need to do. That won’t be a lie, because one of the things you need to do is stay away from this guy.

Do that a few times, and he’ll probably get the drift.

 

[bkayw]

It might be difficult, but use this relationship as a way to develop coping & communication skills that will serve you well throughout your life.

Be honest and explain to him which behaviors of his are a negative influence on friendship building.

 

[TheQuestioner]

I really don’t like one of my friends. He gets annoying, mocks God, makes inappropriate jokes, etc.

So when he asks me to hang out, I have to make up a lie in order to get out of it. I don’t want to hurt his feelings (I don’t like him, but I won’t trample on his hopes and dreams because of it), so instead of saying “No” I just make up a lie. Even if I say “No”, knowing him, he’d turn the car around and make me hang out. Not even joking.

I really can’t find any other way to get out of this. I find hanging out with him to be a huge waste of time full of me getting mocked, and him just getting me angry. It’s better if I just avoid hanging out with him, but I can’t say “No”. Lying is my only option.

I confessed to lying at confession in regards to this incident, but I know for a fact that it will continue to happen and I will constantly have to lie. Is it a sin in this case, and how can I get out of this?

Lying is not your only option. You can discuss this situation with this person and point out what annoys you and what bothers you, and how the both of you can fix it, or you can simply tell him that you just don’t want to talk to him and you don’t want to hang out with him ever.

I would suggest the first one though. If it doesn’t work, then the second.

 

[The_Exodus]

Here is a general rule of thumb, when considering whether or not I should do an action, after consulting the teaching of the Church, I ask myself:

Why would I not do it? If the answer to this question has anything to do with fear, then I think it always the right thing to go through with it. (In moral questions of course, not physically dangerous ones!) If the answer is because I think God would be displeased with me if I did it, then I think it always right to refrain.

 

[Newbie2]

Why do you call him a ‘friend’ if you “really don’t like him”? There’s no need to lie. Just say no, thanks, and go on about your business. If he tries to give you the third degree about why, just tell him you have other things you need to do. That won’t be a lie, because one of the things you need to do is stay away from this guy.

Do that a few times, and he’ll probably get the drift.

It might be difficult, but use this relationship as a way to develop coping & communication skills that will serve you well throughout your life.

Be honest and explain to him which behaviors of his are a negative influence on friendship building.

I agree.

Lying isn’t your only option. You can give your friend a choice:

I will hang out with you if you stop (doing or saying this or that), because it bothers me.

This other person obviously wants to spend time with you. Would you like him and want to hang out if he changed his behavior? If not, the answer is clear, “dump” him. If yes, then you have an opportunity to help make him a better person.

Either way, you need not be a doormat. Perhaps some counseling with your Priest or a good qualified Catholic Counselor will help you.

As bkayw eluded to, you will run across people like this all your life. You need to be able to communicate and cope with them. Otherwise, there are people who will latch onto you because you cannot say no, and they will take advantage of your “happy fault”.

 

[RobHom]

I’m going to tell you how I really think on this one:

1st, YOU need to grow a “backbone”.

2d, YOU need to stop lying, not only to him, but more importantly to yourself.

3rd, YOU need to understand that being someone’s whipping boy is BAD.

4th, YOU need to stay away from this person at all costs.

5th, YOU need to decide what constitutes a “friend”.

Now let me explain.

First of all, you need to make some decisions as to who and what you are. This requires some backbone. 2d, You need to tell this person you cannot be friends with him because he is the antithesis of what you are. 3rd, You need to understand that “misery loves company”, and people who constantly mock and deride others are miserable. It is constant knowledge that one should constantly “avoid those who are a vexation to the soul”. 4th, You need to get away and stay away from him and others like him before they get their hooks into your brain and drag you down into the muck and mire they live in. 5th, Someone who mocks God, you and whatever you believe in is not a “friend”. A person who does as this one is merely an antagonist who knows you will meekly submit to the abuse…so he does it to you. Frankly, a “FRIEND” is someone you would take a bullet for"…Yes, someone you would risk all to help and protect, and that person would do the same for you.

What I said may seem a little harsh, but I think if you ask your parish Priest about what I have said…you’ll probably find that he agrees with me.

 

[puzzleannie]

I really don’t like one of my friends. He gets annoying, mocks God, makes inappropriate jokes, etc.

So when he asks me to hang out, I have to make up a lie in order to get out of it.

no you don’t you merely have to say, I can’t hang out with you. That is not a lie that is the truth. never complain, never explain (Hank Ford II)