Is mental illness on the part of the man and the woman a good enough reason to permanently practice natural family planning?

[Holly3278]

Hi everyone. I might be getting married to my boyfriend, Darrell sometime in the future. Well, we don’t want children because we are afraid that they would inherit the mental illnesses that both of us have. Would it be morally ok for both of us to permanently practice natural family planning once we are married?

 

[Roman_Army]

No. To my knowledge, it is not possible to contract a valid marriage with the intention of never having children. That’s the very purpose of marriage. NFP is only to be used for the purpose of safeguarding personal health and when the couple does not have enough financial resources to cover for the basic living necessities of a potential child. When the woman’s health is not a problem and there is enough financial resources to raise the child, then they can no longer practice NFP. NFP is used to space out births. It can happen that NFP must be perpetually practiced when there are permanent health problems on the mother that would cause undue burden or risk her life and when the financial situation of the family does not improve to be able to afford another child.

 

[Holly3278]

No. To my knowledge, it is not possible to contract a valid marriage with the intention of never having children. That’s the very purpose of marriage. NFP is only to be used for the purpose of safeguarding personal health and when the couple does not have enough financial resources to cover for the basic living necessities of a potential child. When the woman’s health is not a problem and there is enough financial resources to raise the child, then they can no longer practice NFP. NFP is used to space out births. It can happen that NFP must be perpetually practiced when there are permanent health problems on the mother that would cause undue burden or risk her life and when the financial situation of the family does not improve to be able to afford another child.

Oh ok. Thank you. I really want to marry Darrell but he doesn’t want to have any children with me.

 

[feargalmac]

Hi Holly

Speak to a priest about this. Is the illness hereditary or is it just fear that has brought you to this decision?

If it’s any help I suffer from depression, yet I find more joy in watching our children grow. Children are a blessing and can often lift us out of our sadness simply by being there.

 

[kage_ar]

Speak to a priest, to a good solid priest. It could be that the mental illness will keep you from marriage, as one may have an illness that prevents one from entering a valid marriage (full consent, full knowledge, etc.)

It would also be very unwise to marry a man who has shown so much hostility to your practice of the Faith. Should your spiritual advisor assure you that you may enter marriage, seek a solid Catholic man who will practice your faith with you.

 

[Holly3278]

Hi Holly

Speak to a priest about this. Is the illness hereditary or is it just fear that has brought you to this decision?

If it’s any help I suffer from depression, yet I find more joy in watching our children grow. Children are a blessing and can often lift us out of our sadness simply by being there.

Hmmm, ok. The thing is, nobody knows if borderline personality disorder is hereditary or not. As for anxiety and depression, I don’t know about those either. Darrell suffers from severe anxiety and depression.

Speak to a priest, to a good solid priest. It could be that the mental illness will keep you from marriage, as one may have an illness that prevents one from entering a valid marriage (full consent, full knowledge, etc.)

It would also be very unwise to marry a man who has shown so much hostility to your practice of the Faith. Should your spiritual advisor assure you that you may enter marriage, seek a solid Catholic man who will practice your faith with you.

Ok, I will talk to my priest. And I will try to find a good solid Catholic man to marry.

 

[Seatuck]

Oh ok. Thank you. I really want to marry Darrell but he doesn’t want to have any children with me.

Holly, you need to speak to your priest about this. Bring with you the answers to two questions. Would Darrell be open to life if both of you were able to manage your illnesses very well? Or is he intent upon never having a child under any circumstances? The second answer is the problematic one.
You do also want to explore whether you have the capacity to contract marriage due to the mental illnesses as has been mentioned .

 

[Holly3278]

Holly, you need to speak to your priest about this. Bring with you the answers to two questions. Would Darrell be open to life if both of you were able to manage your illnesses very well? Or is he intent upon never having a child under any circumstances? The second answer is the problematic one.
You do also want to explore whether you have the capacity to contract marriage due to the mental illnesses as has been mentioned .

Hmmm, ok. I’ll do that.

 

[Holly3278]

Holly, you need to speak to your priest about this. Bring with you the answers to two questions. Would Darrell be open to life if both of you were able to manage your illnesses very well? Or is he intent upon never having a child under any circumstances? The second answer is the problematic one.
You do also want to explore whether you have the capacity to contract marriage due to the mental illnesses as has been mentioned .

He just said that he’s open to the possibility of children in the future. Is that good enough for a valid marriage?

 

[Tietjen]

Hi everyone. I might be getting married to my boyfriend, Darrell sometime in the future. Well, we don’t want children because we are afraid that they would inherit the mental illnesses that both of us have. Would it be morally ok for both of us to permanently practice natural family planning once we are married?

My understanding is that if you go into a marriage without being open to having children, the marriage will be invalid. Speak to your parish priest about this PLEASE… BEFORE you proceed with any marriage plans. God bless.

 

[StillWondering]

He just said that he’s open to the possibility of children in the future. Is that good enough for a valid marriage?

I am just speaking from my own thoughts as encouragement.

I believe if he is open to marriage then yes it will not be in impediment. However, is he is only saying so to marry and still not want to have children? If it is not the case and he is truly open but hopes to practice NFP, then that in itself may not be a problem. The next issue would then be is it just to practice NFP permanently? I remember reading that NFP can be practiced with just reasons – such as inability to care for the children due to mental or financial reasons. One has to be prudent in one’s choices, but at the same time for God, all things are possible. And God has a great tract record of bring wonderful gifts from horrible situations =).

I would like to tell you about my mother. She never saw a therapist and so we never had an official diagnosis. However, for years in my childhood, she has all the classic symptoms of Borderline personality disorder and things were quite a mess. But I am alive today and very happy to have a loving relationship with my mother. Another bit of good news is that over the last year or so, she suddenly changed and became a lot more consistent and present. I have been diagnosed, at least told by various therapists, that I have ADHD, anxiety disorder, major depression, and mood disorder. Well now I’m doing pretty well. Maybe they were all wrong or maybe God stepped in. I can not know as a human for sure, but I am quite thankful to God.