Is modesty overrated?

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My black friends would disagree with that overly broad brush characterization. And that goes for the days my parents took me to the farmers’ market. Black, white. It didn’t matter. Everyone was to be treated with respect. Oh sure, there were racists then - still are.
 
This is why it’s impossible to talk you about this stuff. You apparently had this super idyllic Norman Rockwell childhood (which is great, I’m glad) so much so that you can’t conceive of anything from that era being less than perfect for anyone.

I’m out, brother. Vaya con Dios.
 
I have the opposite problem you have.

I am not generously built at the top but I do have some junk in the trunk if you know what I mean. I find that tunics hide that area, so trousers and tunic tops or shirts that cover that area look more modest on me than skirts or dresses.
 
I grew up in what is today, the most segregated city in the country, Detroit. It was beautiful, but as the years passed, parts of it look like it was carpet bombed. I take a main street that ends at another city, with wooden street signs, flowers, people walking their dogs… Norman Rockwell’s America. That’s the main reason I go there. There’s one house that has a life-size Jesus carrying the cross carved from a grey stone, in front.
 
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Usually the woman that post those kind of photos on Instagram want attention, though they usually won’t admit it. I have always believed that modesty can be sexy too. I am never going to wear something so revealing that you can see all my skin because the only person that should be seeing that is my future husband, not some guy at a concert, or random guy on Instagram. If girls realized this and that they can be just as sexy without revealing themselves, it would help.
 
I think sexy is a poor choice of word. We as women should be judged on our whole being not our sex appeal.
When I told my husband about modest is hottest he rolled his eyes. Modest is not hot. Modeat is respecting ourselves and others as human beings with many things to love not just physical appearance.
 
Mi_Rose said:
I think sexy is a poor choice of word. We as women should be judged on our whole being not our sex appeal.
When I told my husband about modest is hottest he rolled his eyes. Modest is not hot. Modeat is respecting ourselves and others as human beings with many things to love not just physical appearance.
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This thread put me in mind of a great blog post by Simcha Fisher about what we teach young girls about dress. Of course, I can’t find the specific post on her website right now!! The basic gist is that secular culture has conflated beauty and sexiness, and we make a mistake when we accept that conflation when we discuss modesty. I wish I could find it, because I think it really gets to the heart of this.
 
cbirtell said:
I have always believed that modesty can be sexy too.

If girls realized this and that they can be just as sexy without revealing themselves, it would help.
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What does this mean that “modesty can be sexy?”
Why is there a need to “be just as sexy” anyway?
 
pensmama87 said:
This thread put me in mind of a great blog post by Simcha Fisher about what we teach young girls about dress. Of course, I can’t find the specific post on her website right now!! The basic gist is that secular culture has conflated beauty and sexiness, and we make a mistake when we accept that conflation when we discuss modesty. I wish I could find it, because I think it really gets to the heart of this.
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I think we make this mistake with guys too sometimes - we put guys in a mindset that any appreciation or desire towards a woman is, if not the sin of lust, at least near to it. It makes it hard for a man to handle the natural attraction between men and women, if the concern about sin is too strong. The likely reaction is to try increasingly to get women to cover up and downplay their appearance more and more, simply because there’s no room for a man to non-sinfully appreciate a pretty lady.
Irishmom2 said:
What does this mean that “modesty can be sexy?”
Why is there a need to “be just as sexy” anyway?
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I think this is related here. It’s not really about being sexy per se. But us ladies do like to look nice. A lot of secular society tells us that sex appeal is the only way for a woman to be beautiful. And a lot of Catholic society often buys into that and offers baggy, frumpy clothing as the only “modest” option. We want to know that we can be attractive and ladylike without being exposed - but also that doesn’t mean prairie dresses and muumuus are the only options.

(As an aside - it would be nice to see the occasional bit of modesty as an example that’s not necessarily traditional feminine pretty sweet. For the longest time I thought modest clothing all had to look like the church girl stereotype, with lace and pastels and lots of flowers and sweet designs. So not me.)
 
Growing up, the closest thing I heard was “sex appeal,” and that usually referred to ads. Sexy I don’t like. And hot. No way. I also dislike the way hot is being used in other ways, like “the hotness,” which can refer to the best or one of the best new games, for example.
 
Muumuus can be very attractive. They’re my favorite girly attire to be honest.

I used to wear those when I go to Church in Hawaii.
 
I don’t like the word sexy and hot also being conflated with beautiful.

I also dislike the word babe used for beautiful women.
 
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