Is my marriage valid?

[Arlene]

My husband and I will be celebrating our 23rd anniversary in June. We were married in the Church, and it was the first marriage for both of us. The problem is, when I was young I did not want children. My then boyfriend knew how I felt about this, and was hoping I would someday change my mind. When we took our marriage prepararation classes and the priest asked us if we were open to children, I said yes. I lied. For the first 8 years or so of our marriage, we used ABC. Slowly, my heart did change, and we did decide to be open to children. We now have 2 daughters, aged 10 and 6, and our son who would be 13 was a premie and lives in the arms of Jesus.
I’ve started thinking a lot about the lie that started our marriage. Yes, I did lie, but I eventually made it right. And it is God who joined us, and He knew that my heart would change. But did the lie invalidate my marriage? Has the marriage itself been a lie?
My husband has since fallen away from the Church, and if we have to get remarried or something, I 'm afraid that he won’t be willing to do what needs to be done.

 

[otm]

It is presumed valid unless and until a canonical court determines otherwise. The presumption is always that the marriage is valid.

Have you made a Marriage Encounter? If not, see if you can get your husband to go.

God bless.

 

[Catholic2003]

Arlene:

But did the lie invalidate my marriage? Has the marriage itself been a lie?

Based on current U.S. tribunal practices, you could not obtain an annulment from the facts in your story. For an “intention against children” to invalidate a marriage, it must be more than a mere plan not to have children. It must be a strong enough intention to subvert the marriage contract itself. The fact that your heart did eventually change is very strong evidence that your original intention against children did not rise to the level where it was a sine qua non of the marriage contract (which would invalidate the marriage).

 

[chevalier]

If I were in your shoes, I would contact the diocesan tribunal. They should know the best and they know what questions to ask in the big picture. You don’t lose anything: even if the marriage should turn invalid, you could still convalidate it. You could even convalidate it without a lengthy trial if you are both willing to stay with each other.

 

[La_Chiara]

Arlene:

My husband and I will be celebrating our 23rd anniversary in June. We were married in the Church, and it was the first marriage for both of us. The problem is, when I was young I did not want children. My then boyfriend knew how I felt about this, and was hoping I would someday change my mind. When we took our marriage prepararation classes and the priest asked us if we were open to children, I said yes. I lied. For the first 8 years or so of our marriage, we used ABC. Slowly, my heart did change, and we did decide to be open to children. We now have 2 daughters, aged 10 and 6, and our son who would be 13 was a premie and lives in the arms of Jesus.
I’ve started thinking a lot about the lie that started our marriage. Yes, I did lie, but I eventually made it right. And it is God who joined us, and He knew that my heart would change. But did the lie invalidate my marriage? Has the marriage itself been a lie?
My husband has since fallen away from the Church, and if we have to get remarried or something, I 'm afraid that he won’t be willing to do what needs to be done.

Seems to me that nothing you have stated here would suggest that your marriage is invalid. Using birth control and your original lies about being open to children should have been confessed at some point in Reconciliation with a priest. If not, you would probably find peace doing so. Marriage Encounter and other Catholic-centered efforts to rejuvenate your marriage would probably be very helpful. God bless.