M
Mary67
Guest
To begin, I just want to say that I was a very naive, gullible, sheltered catholic girl when I met my husband.
My husband and I were married when we were both quite young by modern standards (early 20’s). I had wanted to relocate to his city so that we could see more of each other and get to know each other better. But, Instead, before the marriage we had been living under my parents roof. (This was basically to appease my parents who were controlling and manipulative and did not want me to relocate to the city where my husband lived lest I be prevented from seeing him ever again via financial control and restricting access to transportation.) My parents said that as long as we didn’t have sexual relations it was not a sin. (We never had sex but we did go too far in making out on several occasions. All of which we confessed before marriage.) But as the marriage drew closer I began to have doubts and wanted to push the date back so I could have more time for discernment. All the wedding plans were set though and we would have been ridiculed by our families if we had pushed the date back so we continued on with the plans. Additionally, there were circumstances in my husbands life that increased the pressure on me to not break the date off. And, finally I was led to believe that my husband was a practicing catholic before marriage and had only slipped up concerning chastity is his prior relationships twice. But, as a naive sheltered catholic girl, I assumed he was basically chaste otherwise. But, one month after the wedding I found links to porn on the history on his phone which he said was an ad that popped up on his social media and not something he went looking for. And a year after the marriage he finally told me that he had a regular sex life with his prior girlfriend and used contraception. And that he had been unchaste during our engagement through regular personal sin. Both of which would have caused me to rethink our engagement.
I’ve read on the forum here before that if a couple was married in the church then the marriage should be assumed to be valid. But, every time I analyze my situation I can’t help but feel a pit in the bottom of my stomach. I’m scared that our marriage is invalid and what that would mean.
I love my husband very much and have forgiven him for everything. Even though our marriage has had it’s hard times I fully intend to stay married to him. If the marriage was invalid by our circumstances then do we have to get remarried? My husband and I both want to be fully faithful to the Church. And, my husband in particular has had a major conversation of heart and fasts and prays regularly in reparation for his prior life. I believe I can trust him now. I just want to know whether we should assume our marriage is valid or if we should seek a priest to marry us again if our marriage was invalid. Please be charitable and kind in your responses. God bless!
My husband and I were married when we were both quite young by modern standards (early 20’s). I had wanted to relocate to his city so that we could see more of each other and get to know each other better. But, Instead, before the marriage we had been living under my parents roof. (This was basically to appease my parents who were controlling and manipulative and did not want me to relocate to the city where my husband lived lest I be prevented from seeing him ever again via financial control and restricting access to transportation.) My parents said that as long as we didn’t have sexual relations it was not a sin. (We never had sex but we did go too far in making out on several occasions. All of which we confessed before marriage.) But as the marriage drew closer I began to have doubts and wanted to push the date back so I could have more time for discernment. All the wedding plans were set though and we would have been ridiculed by our families if we had pushed the date back so we continued on with the plans. Additionally, there were circumstances in my husbands life that increased the pressure on me to not break the date off. And, finally I was led to believe that my husband was a practicing catholic before marriage and had only slipped up concerning chastity is his prior relationships twice. But, as a naive sheltered catholic girl, I assumed he was basically chaste otherwise. But, one month after the wedding I found links to porn on the history on his phone which he said was an ad that popped up on his social media and not something he went looking for. And a year after the marriage he finally told me that he had a regular sex life with his prior girlfriend and used contraception. And that he had been unchaste during our engagement through regular personal sin. Both of which would have caused me to rethink our engagement.
I’ve read on the forum here before that if a couple was married in the church then the marriage should be assumed to be valid. But, every time I analyze my situation I can’t help but feel a pit in the bottom of my stomach. I’m scared that our marriage is invalid and what that would mean.
I love my husband very much and have forgiven him for everything. Even though our marriage has had it’s hard times I fully intend to stay married to him. If the marriage was invalid by our circumstances then do we have to get remarried? My husband and I both want to be fully faithful to the Church. And, my husband in particular has had a major conversation of heart and fasts and prays regularly in reparation for his prior life. I believe I can trust him now. I just want to know whether we should assume our marriage is valid or if we should seek a priest to marry us again if our marriage was invalid. Please be charitable and kind in your responses. God bless!
