We’ll just have to agree to disagree. This can’t go on!
Did you look at those articles?
i’ll stick with what they say. After all, they know what they’re talking about regarding that wretched “E” word.
Theodore Dalrymple was not referring to the difference between self-esteem and self-respect. He was referring to patients who come to therapists and try to use the term “self-esteem” as an excuse for being lazy and self-absorbed and to feel entitled to praise they have done nothing to earn. Likewise, he was using the term “self-respect” to refer to what is actually concern for others–for instance, grooming yourself with the recognition that other people have reason to expect you’ll exert yourself to make a pleasant appearance for others (and even for yourself).
I think this doctor would agree that the self-absorbed patients who too often come to psychologists already self-diagnosed with “low self-esteem” do not make it impossible that someone else out there really is being prevented from acting with appropriate self-respect because they truly do have an inappropriately low view of themselves as persons with inherent value not connected to their accomplishments. I hope you will agree that the person who truly does not see value in himself is going to have a hard time believing his contributions could be of value to anyone else. What good is that?
Likewise, someone could accuse those with self-respect as saying, as the self-respecting Pharisee did: “O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity - I have
self-respect, because I get off my behind and act the way I should act, not
self-esteem which imagines that low-lifes have value even though they do nothing to deserve it!!” Is the Pharisee afflicted with too much self-respect? Of course not! He’s afflicted with the vice of pride, which is not a necessary byproduct of self-respect.
I’m not saying that self-respect is a bad thing, then, only that self-esteem and self-respect are overlapping concepts that have both been misused from time to time. I’m saying that self-respect, like self-esteem, is a concept the evil one can twist to suit his purposes. We all need to take care, lest we fall.
The doctor wrote this:
*When people speak of their low self-esteem, they imply two things: first, that it is a physiological fact, rather like low hemoglobin, and second, that they have a right to more of it. What they seek, if you like, is a transfusion of self-esteem, given (curiously enough) by others; and once they have it, the quality of their lives will improve as the night succeeds the day. *
Is it not as plain as the nose on a face that anybody who relies on external validation is not looking for more
self-esteem? These patients have no idea what they’re asking for! Likewise, the person who really has low self-esteem isn’t going to come to a doctor saying, “I have low self-esteem.” No, that person is going to say, “I don’t have low self-esteem. I really
am a worthless excuse for a human being, with nothing to offer anyone. I don’t even know why I’m here. There is no point in trying, because all I ever do is fail.”
So, yes, I would agree that there are “self-esteemists” who have selfishly latched on to the fashionable belief that their psychological health depends on the ability to remain happily and fully wrapped up in
themselves. If you are saying there is nothing psychologically let alone spiritually healthy about going around expecting you have a need for external validation that is as real and vital as your need for protein, then of course I agree!
How is this different, though, than the people now running around believing it is healthier for everyone to cut gluten out of their diets and who conclude that a nice tall rum and coke must a better breakfast than whole wheat toast because the latter has gluten in it? Wasn’t it about 20 years ago that dairy products went through the same thing, because some people really are lactose-intolerant? That there are people who don’t even understand the concept of gluten intolerance and wrongly apply the concept to themselves does not mean there are not a few people out there who really do have a medically-demonstrable intolerance for gluten. Likewise, there are people who really do suffer from low self-esteem. When this condition is treated, though, they won’t be more wrapped up in themselves. No, they will become convinced that they really do have service, love, and loyalty that is worth offering to others and that a good God really does want to make them into saints fit for an eternity of bliss with Him, in spite of all the things those not-yet-saints really do have need to recognize, regret, and repent from. That recognition, that proper kind and amount of “self-esteem” is a good thing, not a bad thing.
