Is there a holy way to approach ED?

[AlwysSeekTrth]

My husband and I have been together almost 10 years. We have been married for 5 of those. We are getting to the point in our lives where we know we should be starting a family.

Our sex life is very hit and miss. Often times ending in frustration because I have been physically satisfied and he just cannot complete the act for himself. It’s become an issue as we both know that impotence is not looked upon fondly for married couples. (You know, the whole we have the responsibility to have kids thing?)

I know that Erectile Dysfunction and impotence are embarrassing subjects for men. My question is, as a wife who loves her husband dearly, how do I approach the subject in a holy way? Are supplements to help with this permissible by the church?

We have to do something. It’s become such a problem that we’ve even discussed annulment. We are young enough that this could be an option for my chance to have children. BUT, I love him too much. I don’t WANT to have to discuss that option. Please please help. Prayers and advice are welcome.

Thanks.

 

[LuluBaggins]

As a Catholic doctor I feel that it’s probably very important to consult your family physician about this if you haven’t already done so. ED is a medical problem, not a religious or personal failing. Just the same way that you would take medicine for high blood pressure or diabetes, you need to seek treatment for it.

ED is quite common in middle aged men and I certainly see lots of patients who are prescribed medicine to help with this. In the first instance though your husband needs to get checked out to rule out a medical cause especially since you mentioned you are both young.

There are many possible causes for ED: hormonal imbalances, cardiovascular problems, diabetes, psychological disorders, nerve disorders. Some of these could be potentially serious and it’s really important for your husband’s health that his doctor investigates them.

God bless and good luck with this. Ultimately you can both pray together for help with this and ask God to guide your physician (that is something that I always ask Him to do for me).

 

[YoungTradCath]

ED drugs are completely morally permissible. Nothing wrong with them, they’re fine.

But as the above poster says, he should see someone about it.

 

[AlwysSeekTrth]

Thank you both. I will try to approach the subject with holiness and lots of prayer.

I know this is something that he cannot help. I just know it’s embarrassing for most men, especially the younger ones. There’s a history of heart disease in his family. So, the fact that it was mentioned that it could be a cardiac issues severely concerns me.

 

[tafan]

FYI, since it is “hit and miss”, I assume there has been times where it has been successful, so the marriage is certainly not null do to permanent impotence at the time of the wedding.

 

[frizzgrig]

(You know, the whole we have the responsibility to have kids thing?)

Relax, and take some of the pressure off - there is no “responsibility to have kids.” (Despite what your family, friends, and in-laws may think.) You have a responsibility not to unnaturally frustrate the procreative nature of the marital act.

As previously advised, have your husband get checked out medically.

Children are a gift from God. Not every marriage is blessed by God in this way, but all valid marriages receive blessings and are a blessing. You agreed to “accept children lovingly from God.” There is no guarantee you will have children. On the other hand, I know of many couples who were told by doctors for various reasons they were not going to have children of their own, only to be surprised one day!

 

[twf]

There is no sin in not having children. The sin is if you are not open to having children. God doesn’t expect you to do the impossible! Completely sterile couples can still have holy marriages. You both need to relax on that front.
In regards to nullity, that would only apply if your husband had permanent impotence at the time of contracting the marriage. It sounds like you have consummated your marriage and do at times complete the act. Your marriage would be presumed valid by the Church unless proven otherwise.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

There is no sin in not having children. The sin is if you are not open to having children. God doesn’t expect you to do the impossible! Completely sterile couples can still have holy marriages. You both need to relax on that front.
In regards to nullity, that would only apply if your husband had permanent impotence at the time of contracting the marriage. It sounds like you have consummated your marriage and do at times complete the act. Your marriage would be presumed valid by the Church unless proven otherwise.

Canon law deals with non-consummation specifically. A non-consummated married can be dissolved by the Church. Somehow we got onto this discussion with our priest at the church picnic.

 

[ynotzap]

If worse come to worse, and the problem can not be resolved there is always the option to adopt a child. We did, and never regretted it, now we have grandchildren by a woman who we adopted as our girl. And she shows more love than the three boys my wife had.