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The_NW_Neophyte
Guest
Hi…
I’m a newbie - driven by a need for spiritual discernment in the area of dealing with family matters as a Christian who desires to walk my talk.
The problem: A 40+ year-old sibling with a history of bi-polar, alcohol and substance abuse who is recently “clean & sober” after a near-jail experience because his ex-wife falsely accused him of child molestation. The ex-wife has a history of substance abuse (alcohol + meth). (We didn’t believe it true because of the circumstances around her accusations. There are two kids involved, girl age 3 and boy age 5. As recently as Easter weekend there was a new false accusation again without substance. The LA court threw it out. In fact, the court gave my brother overnight custody on a regular basis and whenever the ex-wife wanted to go out of town.
We think my brother is clean & sober.
Here’s my dilemma: My brother wants to bring the kids up to the NW to see “Grandma” and, since the ex-wife has been on good behavior that we should be “Christians” and greet them with open arms. After all “you say you’re all Christians and you should be forgiving.” I’m deeply troubled by his sudden newfound “friendship” with her and that he would even consider bringing her near us.
I don’t want to sin because I didn’t do the right thing, or because I didn’t say the right thing. Is there a spiritual doctor in the house who can give me a diagnosis – or at least some spiritual guidance? I believe in a God who loves us. I believe in a God who hears our prayers and will do miracles according to His will.
But, I don’t know what to do because I’m …
The NW Neophyte
I’m a newbie - driven by a need for spiritual discernment in the area of dealing with family matters as a Christian who desires to walk my talk.
The problem: A 40+ year-old sibling with a history of bi-polar, alcohol and substance abuse who is recently “clean & sober” after a near-jail experience because his ex-wife falsely accused him of child molestation. The ex-wife has a history of substance abuse (alcohol + meth). (We didn’t believe it true because of the circumstances around her accusations. There are two kids involved, girl age 3 and boy age 5. As recently as Easter weekend there was a new false accusation again without substance. The LA court threw it out. In fact, the court gave my brother overnight custody on a regular basis and whenever the ex-wife wanted to go out of town.
We think my brother is clean & sober.
Here’s my dilemma: My brother wants to bring the kids up to the NW to see “Grandma” and, since the ex-wife has been on good behavior that we should be “Christians” and greet them with open arms. After all “you say you’re all Christians and you should be forgiving.” I’m deeply troubled by his sudden newfound “friendship” with her and that he would even consider bringing her near us.
- I’m upset becauseI know a lot about the manipulating and deceptive mind of the substance abuser. We’ve been down this road WAY too many times before. We have been lied to and verbally abused whenever we put our foot down to the chaos they create. There is a serious matter of broken trust with the ex-wife that cannot just disappear because someone’s behavior has, for the moment, taken a 180 turn. I see no apologies. I see no repentance or retribution for the damage that’s been done. My brother cannot and is not welcome in any home of his prior “friends” who have small children because there is a lingering mistrust that will take many, many years for him to overcome.
- I hate seeing the Holy Scriptures used by the enemy who thinks that out of fear and/or naivety we’ll just roll over and continue being used. I recall all the instances that Jesus forgave sinners with the exhortation “…now sin no more.” Gods people are judged in their sin. God even gave them over to their sins if they didn’t stop. I see God is loving and forgiving, but He is vengeful and will not tolerate continued sin “… those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”
- No - I don’t enable substance abusers anymore – at least I try not to. I continue to love them and pray for them. PLUS, I have a nephew and a niece whose safety and well-being are legitimate concerns. Living and walking the Christian life needs to be balanced. We are being sanctified in the Holy Spirit and transformed into His image so we can exhibit unconditional love and yet not allow them the right to abuse us.
- I’m afraid that the mere fact that my brother is talking about bringing the kids up from LA WITH his ex-wife, that he’s actually having a relationship with her again (she has not been faithful). When a substance abuser uses chemicals, the first thing to go is sound judgment. Right now, he’s not showing he’s got sound judgment. He’s lucky he’s not in jail right now. The maddening thing is the world of insanity they create because of repeated lapses and relapses into their substance abuse.
- If the foregoing is true, I’m afraid for the kids. Those of us who stood by my brother during this whole ordeal will be grievously disappointed. Those who denied him emotional, spiritual or financial support will only point at him with a “told you so” attitude. Either way, it’s going to be a lose-lose proposition.
I don’t want to sin because I didn’t do the right thing, or because I didn’t say the right thing. Is there a spiritual doctor in the house who can give me a diagnosis – or at least some spiritual guidance? I believe in a God who loves us. I believe in a God who hears our prayers and will do miracles according to His will.
But, I don’t know what to do because I’m …
The NW Neophyte