Is there a such thing as a couple who is called to adopt, rather than conceive children?

[Oregonblueberry]

I am recent returnee to the Church and I’ve been thinking a lot about what this means for my future.

Prior to returning to the Church, I had no intention at all of ever getting pregnant. Not because I don’t want to be a mother - I love the idea of raising and taking care of a child. Nothing would make me happier. But instead of giving birth, I was planning on eventually adopting children. There are so many kids in the foster care system who need a good home, and I always pictured myself providing that home.

Of course it’s possible to do both - have my own kids and adopt some, too. But realistically, there is a finite number of kids that one couple can take care of, and virtually limitless kids who could be adopted. And I have to ask, what exactly is the difference between a couple who raises 4 adopted kids and a couple who gives birth to 4 kids? True, the former couple is not bringing forth new souls, but they are still contributing to society and God’s mission by bringing up 4 children in a stable household with love and a Catholic education.

The main caveat, I suppose, is that this couple essentially must be practicing perpetual NFP, which doesn’t sound like something the Church would approve of. Either that or have a Josephite marriage (an idea that I’m not necessarily opposed to, but I’m sure I’d struggle to found a spouse who agrees)

Obviously this is purely hypothetical - I’m not even particularly sure I’m called to the married life (I think I need to spend a good deal more time adjusting to Catholic ideas about family life before I can even start deciding that). But it’s just something I’ve got on my mind as I gradually figure out how to reconcile my old life plans with God’s plans.

As a side note - what about someone who is in fact called to be single, and adopts a child to raise alone? It seems the Church favors a two-parent household, but surely a one-parent household would still be better than a revolving door of foster homes.

 

[Psalm30]

But realistically, there is a finite number of kids that one couple can take care of, and virtually limitless kids who could be adopted.

I’m not entirely sure how to answer your elaborate question, but this part of your post jumped out at me and puzzles me a little. It almost reads like you would be able to take in every single orphaned child so long as you didn’t give birth to any of your own… I realize that’s probably not what you mean, but even if you have no children of your own, you couldn’t possibly adopt every single orphaned child in the world. It would be possible to have at least one child and still adopt one or more as well.

The main caveat, I suppose, is that this couple essentially must be practicing perpetual NFP, which doesn’t sound like something the Church would approve of. Either that or have a Josephite marriage (an idea that I’m not necessarily opposed to, but I’m sure I’d struggle to found a spouse who agrees)

Setting aside Church teaching, while it’s certainly possible that you will be able to find a man who also wants strictly to adopt, even if both of you are physically capable of having biological children, you also need to consider that man you fall in love with may strongly desire to have biological children, if possible. And, while NFP is effective, it isn’t infallible, and you may end up with a biological child whether you had planned to or not.

As a side note - what about someone who is in fact called to be single, and adopts a child to raise alone? It seems the Church favors a two-parent household, but surely a one-parent household would still be better than a revolving door of foster homes.

As far as I know the Church is not opposed to single people adopting.

And I have to ask, what exactly is the difference between a couple who raises 4 adopted kids and a couple who gives birth to 4 kids? True, the former couple is not bringing forth new souls, but they are still contributing to society and God’s mission by bringing up 4 children in a stable household with love and a Catholic education.

At your wedding, you will be required to promise to accept children lovingly from God and bring them up in the Faith. It’s the natural order of things for sex to result in procreation. Therefore, if you aren’t open to that, you cannot validly marry in the Church.

 

[Retsel]

Don’t invent or borrow reasons for not bringing your children to life!

 

[Psalm30]

Don’t invent or borrow reasons for not bringing your children to life!

It’s a loving and noble thing to do to want to take in children from foster homes. However, I think it can be done without completely eliminating the possibility of having biological children as well, especially in a Catholic marriage.

 

[Viki63]

My best friend raised 13 children, plus several foster kids. Don’t ask me how she did it, but they all turned out very well.

I had 2 biological children, and later adopted 2 more. it worked out pretty well. I don’t think you need to choose either/or, you could have a child or two and adopt a bunch more. It would depend a lot on your husband’s feelings about it, though.

I began by thinking I would adopt as a single parent, then got remarried during the process. So yes, singles can adopt. I’m pretty sure God is involved heavily in the adoption process, especially if we invite him to help.

 

[Beryllos]

My wife and I tried to have children, but it just didn’t work out. We then started adopting. I don’t see it as our being called to adopt. We are called to love. We have a lot of love to give. When the pandemic lets up, we’re hoping to adopt one more, a teenager – Pray for us!