Is there an appropriate way to hug a married woman?

[catholic413]

I recently got into a very heated argument with my husband over how my brother-in-law hugs me. My husband thinks it is excessive and inappropriate. My brother-in-law IS very affectionate, not just with me, but moreso with me because I am the youngest sibling in my family and he has known me for at least 15 years. I have never felt uncomfortable or that he is being inappropriate. My family was not used to being around someone so affectionate at first, but we accepted his lovable personality easily. My husband was especially offended because my brother-in-law often hugs me from behind. He is about 6’5" so it is his upper body, not lower, that is in contact with me. (He has to bend down quite a bit to hug me). My brother-in-law has been this way for 15 years, so I am accustomed to it and initially thought my husband was being unreasonable and insecure. He does struggle with insecurity, so I wasn’t sure how much of this issue was a result of that.

Last night, we spoke to a marriage therapist through church and I was very surprised that she agrees with my husband that the form of affection shown by my brother-in-law is inappropriate. She also said that when hugging men, she only allows her cheek to touch his cheek.

I accepted the outcome of our session and agreed to speak to my brother-in-law, but I woke up this morning feeling very confused still. Is it truly wrong for my brother-in-law to hug me this way?

 

[Fr.Vincent_Serpa]

Hi,

I don’t know that there is a ‘fits all’ rule that applies for every situation. Obviously, you have no problem with it. But your spouse does. It doesn’t sound to me that he is being unreasonable. If he is uncomfortable with it, then you ought to want to please him. After all, he—and not your brother-in-law, ought to matter most in this. You are in my prayers.

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.