Is there really someone for everyone?

[AngieSophia]

This is my first post here. I was born and raised Catholic, but I have been through many things that hindered my faith. My parents divorced when I was in middle school, and that made me not so sure about my beliefs. I went to Catholic schools from Pre-K through 10th, when I switched to public school. I can’t really describe how this changed my faith, but it did.I had been sheltered in Catholic schools for so long, that I really didn’t know much about other religions. Public school changed that. I became aware of Christians of all faiths, and I learned about them. Some seemed more suitable than Catholicism. However, I stayed Catholic. I was confirmed in 9th grade. I am currently in my freshman year of college, and my outlook on my future has become bleak. I have never been in a relationship. I have friends, but they are not good for me to be around. I have never had a best friend. I am not pretty by any means, and sometimes I do think I’m ugly. I have PCOS, so that affects my life in many ways. I have a deep voice, and many people make fun of me and call me a “man-girl”. I long to have a husband,and children to love. I doubt this will ever happen, because in today’s society people view looks as everything. I have also not entirely lived the most Catholic lifestyle. I have been masturbating for a long time, and am in the process of trying to break that habit. I have decided that I want to change the way I live, and become more Catholic. I know that this is the first step in chasing my dreams of a family. Any advice? I am an 18 year old female.

I wish I could marry one of the Duggar boys. I know that their family isn’t Catholic, but I LOVE their values and look up to them.

 

[Viki63]

Dear Angie,
God bless you for wanting to live a more Catholic life, which sounds as if you want to be closer to Jesus. That is the true source of happiness.
You are way too young to give up on the idea of friendship or marriage. I have had a lot of friends over the years, and chose none of them on the basis of their looks. What sincere people want in a friend is someone understanding, kind, maybe interesting, who shares their values. If you work on cultivating friendships with like-minded people, you will feel much happier. Perhaps you could invite someone out for coffee, to get to know them. If they turn you down - which has happened to me – just shrug and try another person. I have had people say, sorry, I don’t have time for any more friends in my life. But others have been thrilled that I invited them out.
Do you go to confession? That is a great help to living a more chaste life. One gets tired and embarrassed of confessing the same sins all the time.
It’s true, a lot of people, especially at your age, focus too much on looks. But 18 is very young to marry also. By the time you’re ready to think about settling down, your age group will have matured and won’t be so focused on looks. A lot of girls slide by on their beauty alone, but once guys realize they are pretty self-centered, the glamor wears off.
Work on becoming the kind of person you would like to be friends with, and friends will come.
God bless.

 

[Regina_Love]

This is my first post here. I was born and raised Catholic, but I have been through many things that hindered my faith. My parents divorced when I was in middle school, and that made me not so sure about my beliefs. I went to Catholic schools from Pre-K through 10th, when I switched to public school. I can’t really describe how this changed my faith, but it did.I had been sheltered in Catholic schools for so long, that I really didn’t know much about other religions. Public school changed that. I became aware of Christians of all faiths, and I learned about them. Some seemed more suitable than Catholicism. However, I stayed Catholic. I was confirmed in 9th grade. I am currently in my freshman year of college, and my outlook on my future has become bleak. I have never been in a relationship. I have friends, but they are not good for me to be around. I have never had a best friend. I am not pretty by any means, and sometimes I do think I’m ugly. I have PCOS, so that affects my life in many ways. I have a deep voice, and many people make fun of me and call me a “man-girl”. I long to have a husband,and children to love. I doubt this will ever happen, because in today’s society people view looks as everything. I have also not entirely lived the most Catholic lifestyle. I have been masturbating for a long time, and am in the process of trying to break that habit. I have decided that I want to change the way I live, and become more Catholic. I know that this is the first step in chasing my dreams of a family. Any advice? I am an 18 year old female.

I wish I could marry one of the Duggar boys. I know that their family isn’t Catholic, but I LOVE their values and look up to them.

Yes! I believe there is someone for everyone. There are a huge variety of souls out there, and that’s what makes it so fun, and interesting! If you are called to marriage the person who will be your soul mate is out there. Start praying for him now! Ask God to protect, and prepare him for your future marriage. Ask God to lead you, and help you to become the best version of yourself. You are a blessing to the world, and have a special purpose for being here. Ask God to teach you how to hear His voice, so that He can lead you each day. God has many beautiful blessing in store for you! Believe it!

 

[Petaro]

Dear Angie,
God bless you for wanting to live a more Catholic life, which sounds as if you want to be closer to Jesus. That is the true source of happiness.
You are way too young to give up on the idea of friendship or marriage. I have had a lot of friends over the years, and chose none of them on the basis of their looks. What sincere people want in a friend is someone understanding, kind, maybe interesting, who shares their values. If you work on cultivating friendships with like-minded people, you will feel much happier. Perhaps you could invite someone out for coffee, to get to know them. If they turn you down - which has happened to me – just shrug and try another person. I have had people say, sorry, I don’t have time for any more friends in my life. But others have been thrilled that I invited them out.
Do you go to confession? That is a great help to living a more chaste life. One gets tired and embarrassed of confessing the same sins all the time.
It’s true, a lot of people, especially at your age, focus too much on looks. But 18 is very young to marry also. By the time you’re ready to think about settling down, your age group will have matured and won’t be so focused on looks. A lot of girls slide by on their beauty alone, but once guys realize they are pretty self-centered, the glamor wears off.
Work on becoming the kind of person you would like to be friends with, and friends will come.
God bless.

Excellent advice. Too young to give up. Many fish in the sea and all that. Don’t think men are as stupid as they look. They know a lot of pretty women are vapid and self-centered, only because they have had it easy in shallow relationships. Men look for something deeper in a spouse, a true friend who will be there when the man’s strength is waning and he needs support. Most men realise that they themselves are not God’s gift to women themselves and tend to stay clear of the extremely glamorous. That is why a number of models cannot find a man.
Don’t look to a man to complete you, you are beloved of God as you are. Show that self confidence to the world and enjoy yourself. Men are attracted to a smile and a happy personality. Leave recurring sins in the heart of Jesus, he understands us more than we understand ourselves. Just keep getting back on the horse to show you have faith in his mercy and you still belong to Him. A pray to Our Lady, who understands our social needs will never hurt when looking for a good man. She knows all of them!

 

[Phil_Marinus]

The replies you have received would be hard to improve on,
And being a mere male,all I can advise has mostly been said…
Just be yourself, wear nice feminine cloths, a nice well dressed young lady that tries to be well spoken,will always draw attention , if your not happy with how you sound, would as speech therapist help ? If you want to make friends on this site… Just follow one or two then pick one and ask to be a friend, some random people can become great friends on here,

 

[Lasting_faith]

Yes there is. But if we search we will not find, God will bring this person to your life when He see the time is right. God bless you.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

At 18, you are too young to worry about marriage. Think in terms of making quality friends, not having a boyfriend/husband. Focus on your education, moral development, physical health and fitness. Maybe your childhood wasn’t the happiest, but look at it this way: Things are getting better.

 

[His_helpmeet]

Dear sister, you sound so much like me. I also used to worry about finding a good husband. I used to think that I might be better off just to settle for being single, because it seemed I wouldn’t find one. (Interestingly, I also have PCOS, although it sounds as if yours is more severe than mine, and my first name is Angela!!!) Fortunately, when I was 25, I met the man of my dreams. He has been my DH for almost 2.5 years. My PCOS was diagnosed not long before we got engaged, and I told him that it was possible that I might not be able to conceive. (He has one child, DSD, from a previous marriage that was declared invalid.) He married me anyway. He loves me in spite of everything, including the fact that I have generalized anxiety disorder (which is more common in women with PCOS). I honestly could not ask for a better DH and I am so thankful that I was open to the possibility.

Personally, I believe that God has a plan for each one of us. We have a choice as to whether or not we wish to follow that plan. However, if we choose to follow that plan, it is the surest and most direct route to reach heaven. DH and I truly believe that God created us with the intention that if we followed His will, we would end up being married to each other.

Might I suggest you look into medications and therapies for treating your PCOS? Personally, I have had success with metformin (a medication used to treat diabetes that also treats the insulin resistance that causes PCOS) although you will want to discuss this with your doctor. You might also look into NaPro (Natural Procreative Technology) which would give you some options in terms of being able to conceive, should you be able to find a husband. You might also want to determine with your care provider if you could be suffering from depression, which along with anxiety, is more common in women with PCOS.

In terms of physical beauty, if you have issues such as excessive hair growth (also common with PCOS), you might consider laser treatments or hair removal preparations. You might also consider going to a department store or a cosmetics shop and asking for advice on the judicious use of makeup. It’s possible to wear “natural” makeup (i.e. makeup that’s intended to enhance your facial features without being overdone) and look very beautiful. Treating yourself to a new hairstyle and some clothing that’s appropriate for your body shape might also help in this area. If you’re not sure what to pick, try asking a hairstylist what he/she thinks will look good on you. If you have Netflix, “What Not to Wear” is a great show for helping to determine what kinds of styles will look good on you based on your body type - or you can look online. Sales associates in some higher-end department stores might also be able to suggest fashions that look good on you. (If you can’t afford the clothes, just go to look and get advice, then find similar styles at a cheaper place.)

In the meantime, I will continue to pray for you. St. Joseph is the patron of women who wish to find a good husband. There is also the short prayer, “Dear St. Anne, please find me a man.” (As it turned out, DH’s birthday is July 26 - feast of Sts. Joachim and Anne!)

 

[Winter_Warlock_1]

Angie,

Welcome to the forums. Here is my opinion on things:

Sorry your parents divorced – mine did also when I was a teen. It is rough and can test our faith. One thing that helped me was that I would not let the negative actions of others (yes even the ones I love – such as my parents) effect my faith. We should always trust in God even when things happen that we do not want them to. Remember that God wants us all to be happy – He does not cause bad things to happen, we as sinners cause our own and others grief by our actions and words. But we also as Catholics (and other Christian faiths) have the ability to rise above adversity and have: compassion, love and understanding towards each other.

Now for the way you see yourself:

My first thought is – you should not give a darn (the nicest word I could put here) what anyone else thinks of you. There will always be morons (again the nicest word I could put here to describe people like that) in our lives. We will never escape them but we can ignore them, even though at times we just want to go off on them.

For you thinking that you are not pretty, you need to quit that. You cannot compare yourself to everyone else you will never win. There will always be someone: taller, smarter, prettier, handsome, better shape, whatever attribute we use to compare. There are always going to be superficial types around us (again back to the moron comment above) but if all someone cares about is how they look, how someone else looks, or what material items they have; as they get older and looks fade, material items crumble. Then they are left with who they and those around them truly are. And if you’re an ugly person on the inside that will make for a miserable life.

But the first step is being comfortable with who and how you are. Do not think that you are an attractive woman, know that you are! Because you are an attractive woman. You are young and do not need to rush into marriage, it would be better to wait and find Gods match for you that will last a lifetime with love and faith. Than to worry and marry the wrong type of person that will make your life miserable.

Remain strong in Faith and trust in God and you will do great.

I will pray that God grants you strength and peace.

Winter