Is this a bad reason to not want to date someone?

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angell1

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if the other person is really messy? to the point that you can’t even take a step in to their house and they never seem to be able to change even if they say they will. to the point where it’s gotten so bad that mice exterminators had to be hired. i personally would not be able to handle that sort of thing, is that bad?
 
I don’t think so. You aren’t attracted to the way they live their life at home. Seems as good a reason as any.
 
Not a bad reason.
As a matter of fact, if someone let his/her house get that bad, there are probably more significant issues there than garden-variety messiness.
 
angell1 said:
if the other person is really messy? to the point that you can’t even take a step in to their house and they never seem to be able to change even if they say they will. to the point where it’s gotten so bad that mice exterminators had to be hired. i personally would not be able to handle that sort of thing, is that bad?
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It’s an excellent reason not to date someone.
 
People who live amidst mess and filth have very little self respect, i.e. a very low self-esteem. Such people are not able to fully participate in the give and take of normal personal relationships. They can only relate to other slobs.
Likewise, slobs opposites-the neatnik- is very difficult for normal people to relate to.
As for romance, foget about it with either of these types if you are normal. In a close relationship this type of behavior will result in serious conflict.
 
angell1 said:
if the other person is really messy? to the point that you can’t even take a step in to their house and they never seem to be able to change even if they say they will. to the point where it’s gotten so bad that mice exterminators had to be hired. i personally would not be able to handle that sort of thing, is that bad?
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No this is not bad. You apparently know yourself well enough to realize you could not deal with this. That is enough to shy away. Also, this sounds like a hoarder, and this means this person has a deep psychological issue that needs to be addressed for their own sake. They need to take care of this before they worry about dating anyone.

You are more than likely better to move on and find another person to date if you are interested in developing a potential relationship that might lead to marriage. Don’t feel bad about moving on.
 
angell1 said:
if the other person is really messy? to the point that you can’t even take a step in to their house and they never seem to be able to change even if they say they will. to the point where it’s gotten so bad that mice exterminators had to be hired. i personally would not be able to handle that sort of thing, is that bad?
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No, that’s not bad at all.
 
angell1 said:
if the other person is really messy? to the point that you can’t even take a step in to their house and they never seem to be able to change even if they say they will. to the point where it’s gotten so bad that mice exterminators had to be hired. i personally would not be able to handle that sort of thing, is that bad?
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It is not bad at all. It sounds like this person may have a problem with hoarding and should seek some professional help.
 
No, it’s not a bad reason at all. If someone’s place is that messy, their life is probably messy too.
 
angell1 asks about NOT dating.

As far as I can figure out right now, there is NO Bad reason to NOT date a person.
Truly, even if you are severely bigoted, and therefore refuse to date anyone from a certain Race, THAT is plainly NO Sin (even though the bigotry itself might be a Sin).
It is your body, and your Time.
You are the only one who is empowered to make decisions about who you agree to spend time with (and, your decision in FINAL).
If this were NOT True, then a Messy axe-murderer could ask you for a Date, and you would be Forced to go out with him.

So, if you see a guy wear a dumb T-shirt … or if you don’t like the way he combs his hair … you are Perfectly allowed to not offer yourself up for a Date.

With that said, if the guy is Messy … that’s a GREAT reason to NOT Date him (that is, unless you happen to be a Slob too).
 
4love2God said:
angell1 asks about NOT dating.

As far as I can figure out right now, there is NO Bad reason to NOT date a person.
Truly, even if you are severely bigoted, and therefore refuse to date anyone from a certain Race, THAT is plainly NO Sin (even though the bigotry itself might be a Sin).
It is your body, and your Time.
You are the only one who is empowered to make decisions about who you agree to spend time with (and, your decision in FINAL).
If this were NOT True, then a Messy axe-murderer could ask you for a Date, and you would be Forced to go out with him.

So, if you see a guy wear a dumb T-shirt … or if you don’t like the way he combs his hair … you are Perfectly allowed to not offer yourself up for a Date.

With that said, if the guy is Messy … that’s a GREAT reason to NOT Date him (that is, unless you happen to be a Slob too).
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This is EXCELLENT advice and I wish more girls and women would hear it.
Too often, single women are taught owe everyone who asks or shows them attention a date, which can create problems and but them in bad situations.

In regards to the OP, no problem there. If you can’t handle a person’s mess, then it will just get more annoying with time, and if it is extreme then they probably do have mental issues as well that they need to work in in order to get their home and life straightened out.
 
That sounds like hoarding. Hoarding is really a form of obsessive compulsive disorder. If it is OCD, then the reason it’s so hard to change is due to that. However, the good news is if that person ever truly wanted to change, there is help available. He would need to see a psychologist. Besides counseling, incredibly, sometimes medication can help some people.

However, a lot of people with this seem to resist help, deep down don’t want to change.

This is other help for hoarders.

ocfoundation.org/hoarding/

This is help for family and friends of hoarders.

hoarders.org/f-c.html

So, in answer to your question, no, it’s not a bad reason not to want to date someone. The person sound like he needs treatment.
 
angell1 said:
if the other person is really messy? to the point that you can’t even take a step in to their house and they never seem to be able to change even if they say they will. to the point where it’s gotten so bad that mice exterminators had to be hired. i personally would not be able to handle that sort of thing, is that bad?
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No, it’s not a bad reason. But you don’t need to have a ‘good’ reason to not want to date someone. If you don’t want to, you don’t want to. That’s it, end of story, no explanation required. No-one is obliged to date anyone else. If you are asked, a polite ‘no thank you’ is all that’s required. No need to give a reason.
 
That’s a perfectly acceptable reason, especially if your ultimate goal is to build a life with someone and have children together. You’ll want to be with someone who not only shares your goals, but is compatible with your lifestyle,
 
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