Is this a friendship worth saving?

[crohnie4life]

what would you do if you were good friends with someone(who’s Catholic) for 16 yrs. (stood up in the wedding, attended family events such as children’s baptism etc) and then during the past 6 this friend has marital problems so you are there for them when they call for a shoulder to cry on, you drop what you are doing to go over to their house and be there for them because they are an emotional wreck, and offer prayful guidance.

Now, you’ve been there for this person over and over again, in the meantime, they deal w/their problem (divorce) and are involved in another relationship with someone else (there’s no time for anything else but the kids, work, and this person)and don’t bother contacting you for months on end unless they want something or just to complain about the ex. You bring this up to their attention–you’ve been there for them and now when you need them, they are not …they apologize and say they never realized that they took the friendship for granted.

Then a few months later you have a serious illness, you call the good friend (left msg–no return calls.) and your other friends are there for you. The good friend is too busy. Out of the blue, they email 3 months later and ask you for yet another favor. You are still recovering so you explain why you can’t be there for them this time. They call maybe twice after to see how you are then continue on with their life.

You deal with the devestating lost of your f-i-l months later, you call this good friend thinking they will be there for you…they tell you they will attend the wake if there is one but can’t attend the funeral due to work…you tell this person there’s no wake just a mass for immediate family due to their wishes. They say they understand and leave it at that. in the meantime your other friends are there for you…even checking up on you weeks later to see how you and the family are doing. they send you mass cards, thinking of you emails, etc. you don’t hear from the good friend at all…not even a mass card, a visit, nothing…except for fwd emails or a quick note complaining about the ex .you feel hurt b/c you’ve always been there for this person when they needed someone and now when you really needed them…they are not there for you.

Is the friendship worth keeping since the friend is too busy to find time in their life for you?

 

[mjdonnelly]

crohnie4life:

what would you do if you were good friends with someone(who’s Catholic) for 16 yrs. (stood up in the wedding, attended family events such as children’s baptism etc) and then during the past 6 this friend has marital problems so you are there for them when they call for a shoulder to cry on, you drop what you are doing to go over to their house and be there for them because they are an emotional wreck, and offer prayful guidance.

Now, you’ve been there for this person over and over again, in the meantime, they deal w/their problem (divorce) and are involved in another relationship with someone else (there’s no time for anything else but the kids, work, and this person)and don’t bother contacting you for months on end unless they want something or just to complain about the ex. You bring this up to their attention–you’ve been there for them and now when you need them, they are not …they apologize and say they never realized that they took the friendship for granted.

Then a few months later you have a serious illness, you call the good friend (left msg–no return calls.) and your other friends are there for you. The good friend is too busy. Out of the blue, they email 3 months later and ask you for yet another favor. You are still recovering so you explain why you can’t be there for them this time. They call maybe twice after to see how you are then continue on with their life.

You deal with the devestating lost of your f-i-l months later, you call this good friend thinking they will be there for you…they tell you they will attend the wake if there is one but can’t attend the funeral due to work…you tell this person there’s no wake just a mass for immediate family due to their wishes. They say they understand and leave it at that. in the meantime your other friends are there for you…even checking up on you weeks later to see how you and the family are doing. they send you mass cards, thinking of you emails, etc. you don’t hear from the good friend at all…not even a mass card, a visit, nothing…except for fwd emails or a quick note complaining about the ex .you feel hurt b/c you’ve always been there for this person when they needed someone and now when you really needed them…they are not there for you.

Is the friendship worth keeping since the friend is too busy to find time in their life for you?

Your good friend turned into an aquaintance a long time ago. Nothing more.

 

[crohnie4life]

I forgot to mention one other thing…now the good friend calls you and mentions that their son is graduating from high school and they are having a huge party in June w/family and friends and you will be invited.

you really don’t want to go since they haven’t been there for you over the past few yrs. (esp. when your f-il- passed away)and that they only called just so they’d get more gifts for their child(forgot to mention that in the past they have complained how they don’t have $$ for bills, won’t pay for his college education & are looking for ways to get him into college for free). would you feel guilty by not attending or would you go?

 

[mjdonnelly]

crohnie4life:

I forgot to mention one other thing…now the good friend calls you and mentions that their son is graduating from high school and they are having a huge party in June w/family and friends and you will be invited.

you really don’t want to go since they haven’t been there for you over the past few yrs. (esp. when your f-il- passed away)and that they only called just so they’d get more gifts for their child(forgot to mention that in the past they have complained how they don’t have $$ for bills, won’t pay for his college education & are looking for ways to get him into college for free). would you feel guilty by not attending or would you go?

I would have no problem skipping it, because of feeling under the weather. Friendship goes both ways and it sounds as if this one has gone in a single direction for far too long.

 

[blessedstar]

Well I can only say what I think.

I think God puts people in our lives for certain reasons and some people He puts in our lives for a short time, some for a little longer and some endure with us throughout our life span.

You were very close to this person and you gave her guidance when she needed it, but you on the other hand do not need her guidance in the same depth, you have gone through some terrible ordeals without her close companionship and other friends have been called to minister to you.

I would see this as a ministry God gave to you to help this woman for a period of time and you should be commended for fulfilling a true and Christian friendship towards this woman; Jesus will reward your kindness a hundredfold in heaven.

Sometimes friendships are bound closer during a time of crisis and when that crisis ends, for all manner of reasons, the friendship levels out to the depth it would have been had there never been any crisis.

Try not to regret your level of kindness you showed to this woman because what you did for her you did for Jesus even if you did not actually perceive this at the time.

I know she has not retruned in the same measure as you gave to her, but perhaps she has given all she is able to give to you and I can see from your persepective this may seem terribly inadequate, but for her it may be all she is capable of. Perhaps her time to minister to you has not yet come and the future may hold something in which you may well need her friendship and each other again.

Try not to keep tally of what you have done for her in comparison with what she has done for you because love does not keep tally or score; love is freely received from God and as such is freely given by us to others.

I would keep her friendship on the level that it is available to you because in this life we cannot have too many friends.

If you don’t truly feel able to attend her child’s party decline making a reasonable excuse but send a greeting card and gift wishing them all well for the day. If you do feel able to attend, try going later on into the party and this way you only have to spend a short time there and you never know you may surprise yourself and enjoy it, sometimes the things we feel we cannot do turn out to be the best experiences we have.

I know you miss your friend, but she seems to believe you are still there for each other in some form, please recall and console yourself with how all but three of Jesus’ friends deserted Him in His most terrible hour of need and yet after His ressurection they came back to Him and gave their lives for Him.

Remember a spoon full of honey does more good than gallons of vinegar!

I hope you maintain a level of contact and friendship with this lady and I’ll keep you all in my prayers

 

[crohnie4life]

over the yrs. friends have observed that this “good friend” has really taken the friendship for granted one too many times.

I have 2 best friends out of state and they have managed to be there for me (hectic work schedule and family life) yet they found the time. The good friend lives 30 minutes away.

I have noticed that her morals have changed as well…she claims she’s true to her Catholic faith but she told me thatGod wants her to be happy so there is no problem w/her dating-- no annullment yet. It makes me feel uncomfortable when she brags about how great her bf is (she knows this)and her 2 boys have no problem with what she’s doing . She even was as far as to tell me that she was told by a tribunal judge when she went to an annullment course at her church that he told her that she’d have no problem getting one. I asked her what if it was declined since you just can’t assume, she said it won’t but if it were she’d marry outside of the church and move to another parish and lie about her invalid status. I know nobody is perfect and we all have faults but something like this really makes me feel unsettled spiritually.

what really hurts is the fact that she wasn’t there for me when my f-i-l passed away. I’ve always been there for her even when her niece fell out of a tree and had brain surgery…I came to her house to console her. She doesn’t call and then out of the blue wants me to attend her son’s party in June. I’ve declined invitations the past 2 yrs. and recently doing her favors because I am not well and that’s the only time she calls…when she wants something.

 

[Daniel_Marsh]

all your friend is, is a user. I would based my decision on the kid who is going onto college – how well do you know him? If not at all skip it.

 

[Lorarose]

I don’t think being a christian requires us to wear a big “kick me” sign on our backs.

This person is not a “good friend”.
You said other friends were there for you.
I think it is time to be thankful for them, and to be content with their true friendship and companionship.
Sometimes the thoughtlessness of one person clouds our mind, and we forget the goodness of people who have helped us immensely.

If it were me I would send a graduation card with a little money and skip the party.
I wouldn’t seek this person out for any kind of help or support.
I would instead look to those who have shown themselves to be true friends.