Is this a issue with how I am living my faith?

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Luke34

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Hi Everyone,

I recently encountered a situation where I had one of my really good friends move with me in my house. He is very friendly, respectful, and easy to talk to. Not being Catholic however, he does sometimes bring a girl over to his room (separate from my room on a different floor) and it can lead to intercourse. I currently am ok with the situation because it isn’t affecting the living space I am in since he keeps his personal life in his room that he pays for, but we are still underneath the same roof. What do you guys think?

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What do you think?
You obviously believe a question is in play here, as your conscience is tickling you. What doubts do you have? What solutions are there?
 
So they way I am approaching this situation is to lead by example with the way that I decide to live my life and have him make the free will choice on how he would like to go on his personal journey. Since this is not affecting my day to day routines of my life and I am not encountering the actions that he partakes in, I feel like it would be unreasonable to have a discussion about this with him.
 
Luke34 said:
So they way I am approaching this situation is to lead by example with the way that I decide to live my life and have him make the free will choice on how he would like to go on his personal journey. Since this is not affecting my day to day routines of my life and I am not encountering the actions that he partakes in, I feel like it would be unreasonable to have a discussion about this with him.
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Ok. So are you looking for reinforcement of your largely neutral moral stance here?
Or are you looking for an orthodox answer that addresses something that might be nagging you?
 
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Luke34 said:
I currently am ok with the situation because it isn’t affecting the living space I am in since he keeps his personal life in his room that he pays for,
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This to me is the key. Unless there is a written (or previously agreed to verbal under certain circumstances) agreement prohibiting this behavior, and since it is legal, prayer and example is really all you can do unilaterally. If it really bothers you, you could bring it up and see how the discussion goes and maybe mutually agree to modify the terms of his rental arrangement, but without a binding agreement you can’t and probably shouldn’t try to force the issue.
 
Thank you for your response. There is currently no lease agreement at all on him living here. My good friend and I are currently living on a verbal agreement. I feel like it would be weird adding this to our verbal agreement, especially since it isn’t affecting me directly.
 
What I would like to know goout is if I am living in sin because of this.
 
Luke34 said:
What I would like to know goout is if I am living in sin because of this.
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Hard question to answer. Lots of variables involving cooperation etc…
You should really talk to a priest if it is nagging you. I’ve been in similar situations in my younger years. Typically these do not lead to lasting friendships and happy home life. But ask a good priest. Just lay it out.
 
What sin do you think you are committing? I don’t understand.
 
Thanks for your replies goout. I actually am trying to get in contact with a priest on this issue, but it is hard right now with COVID.
 
Irishmom2 I want to know if I am living in sin because I am not trying to stop what he wants to do in his bedroom.
 
No, you are not committing a sin. You are leading by example. Whether your friend chooses to do the same is on him, not you.
 
A couple things - -

Maybe make it more clear (if your lease runs out), that you are not comfortable with this situation.

Also, you could make a point that you don’t want random overnight guests there, from a safety / security POV. But then you are implying that his friend(s) might steal from you guys, which also might offend your friend.
 
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Mortal sin opens a door to the demonic. It’s best not to have people fornicating under your roof.
 
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I understand your concern - you feel like you might be “enabling” his sin. But I have to wonder where it ends - the room he’s using for intercourse can also be used for sloth (oversleeping) - should that sin be addressed also, then? Is he allowed to use cuss words in the house? Should he be required to go to church on Sunday? If you’re going to address one area of his sin, why shouldn’t you be addressing the others? (Just playing devil’s advocate of course - not saying you should do these things!)
 
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If you are a Catholic, stand up and be counted. Tell him you cannot abide his sin because you are a Catholic. Apologize for not being clear about this earlier. Then move.
 
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