Is this a mortal sin?

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momof3boys

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My BIL informed my hubby today that he was getting a vascectomy today & to not tell anyone. (meaning the family)
I am uncomfortable with what he did & am wondering if it is a mortal sin to have this done? They all grew up Catholic & it would hurt my MIL so much if she knew. Not that it is really their business, or ours, really.
 
This is certainly grave matter. You have a good attitude, because in general making known the sins of others without a duty to warn is also considered sinful, but these type of family secrets are always hard.
 
As far as I can remember from our experience with NFP and reading Christopher West’s books, YES it is because it is deliberate contraception.

For a more detailed answer, I’m sure that others will respond more thoroughly.

I only pray that maybe he didn’t go through with it or that his and his wife’s hearts will change soon. It is definitely up to you, now that you know the gravity of his actions, to broach the subject (gently, not harshly) with him so that he knows how serious it is…it will not pay to stay silent about it.

God bless your family!

Jess Havin
 
Because three conditions are needed to meet the conditions of mortal sin, you cannot know if what your BIL is doing (getting a vasectomy) qualifies.

Since he told your hubby, I think it is your hubby’s duty to talk to him about it. Make him aware that what he is going to do directly goes against God and is a serious matter. Maybe he told your hubby because deep down he’s not sure…

Malia
 
I suspect he knows what the church teaches and the gravity of it. Otherwise he wouldn’t have told you not to tell anyone. Why did he tell you anyway? Like you said, it’s no-one’s business. Surely he knew you wouldn’t be comfortable with it?
 
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JessHav:
…it will not pay to stay silent about it.

God bless your family!

Jess Havin
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Personally, although the OP’s BIL told his brother, it is NO ONE"S business but his and his wife’s. Sin or no (and it is NOT for us to judge) would you want someone blabbing a secret you were asked to keep?
~ Kathy ~
 
If the sinner were someone whom I cared about,(like a family member) and if they are a Catholic with full knowledge of a vasectomy’s gravity, I would not feel right letting them do something like that and risk being in a state of mortal sin. I wouldn’t “blab” it in a mean way, but either way, I would definitely either personally or have my husband gently remind (or inform) the person. I don’t think that it is judging either way. If the couple is Catholic and has full knowlege of the gravity, how could a vasectomy not be a mortal sin unless the couple is planning on abstaining? And if I see my loved one going down in a burning ship, I would definitely jump out to save them. Even if it made me feel uncomfortable or made them mad at me. If they are not aware of it, then they should be advised to speak with a priest about it so that they get the truth.

Mind you, this all applies to Catholic couples who participate in the sacraments of the church…otherwise, I would definitely take a different approach.

I reallly hope this doesn’t sound crass…I am kind of in a hurry and just wanted to respond about the necessity of talking to the BIL.

God bless you all!

JessHavin
 
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JessHav:
If the sinner were someone whom I cared about,(like a family member) and if they are a Catholic with full knowledge of a vasectomy’s gravity, I would not feel right letting them do something like that and risk being in a state of mortal sin. I wouldn’t “blab” it in a mean way, but either way, I would definitely either personally or have my husband gently remind (or inform) the person. I don’t think that it is judging either way. If the couple is Catholic and has full knowlege of the gravity, how could a vasectomy not be a mortal sin unless the couple is planning on abstaining? And if I see my loved one going down in a burning ship, I would definitely jump out to save them. Even if it made me feel uncomfortable or made them mad at me. If they are not aware of it, then they should be advised to speak with a priest about it so that they get the truth.

Mind you, this all applies to Catholic couples who participate in the sacraments of the church…otherwise, I would definitely take a different approach.

I reallly hope this doesn’t sound crass…I am kind of in a hurry and just wanted to respond about the necessity of talking to the BIL.

God bless you all!

JessHavin
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Your concern is admirable my dear. But still I feel that after you express your feelings to the offending family member you need to step back. You wouldn’t want to be accused of butting in matters that aren’t really your concern.
~ Kathy ~
 
Katie, I am sorry you think I am blabbing my mouth. I have just been bothered by it all day & have kept quiet until now. I didn’t tell you all who he is, what his name is, etc, etc, I just wanted some advice. I do feel that my hubby should have said something. If I am right, isn’t my hubby now in a state of sin for not trying to talk to him about it? I really wish they would not have told him about it & I certainly hope they don’t tell me anything about it. I just am saddened by it, because I know that they know better.
I just feel very sad about the whole situation.
Thanks for listening & sorry to those who think I’m blabbing.
 
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momof3boys:
Katie, I am sorry you think I am blabbing my mouth. I have just been bothered by it all day & have kept quiet until now. I didn’t tell you all who he is, what his name is, etc, etc, I just wanted some advice. I do feel that my hubby should have said something. If I am right, isn’t my hubby now in a state of sin for not trying to talk to him about it? I really wish they would not have told him about it & I certainly hope they don’t tell me anything about it. I just am saddened by it, because I know that they know better.
I just feel very sad about the whole situation.
Thanks for listening & sorry to those who think I’m blabbing.
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I am by no means an expert, but I don’t think your husband is in a state of sin because he didn’t talk to his brother. If that were the case everyone of us would be guilty because we all could have talked to “someone” about "some "sin at some time
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Sorry to say though, you already know all the details.Don’t take it upon yourself though. Just say a prayer.
~ Kathy ~
 
I will definitely say a prayer & I am not going to mention it to them. It really is a personal thing. I just don’t want her to bring it up to me. I can’t pretend to not be bothered by it.
Does that make any sense? I am not going to call her & talk about it. I am just hoping she doesn’t say anything to me about it.
If she does, though, I will tell her how I feel about it. I guess if they don’t want to know, then they shouldn’t have said anything.
Okay, now I am rambling…
 
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momof3boys:
I will definitely say a prayer & I am not going to mention it to them. It really is a personal thing. I just don’t want her to bring it up to me. I can’t pretend to not be bothered by it.
Does that make any sense? I am not going to call her & talk about it. I am just hoping she doesn’t say anything to me about it.
If she does, though, I will tell her how I feel about it. I guess if they don’t want to know, then they shouldn’t have said anything.
Okay, now I am rambling…
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All you have to say when/if they bring it up is: “I feel…” and then make your point. Or “I prefer not talking about it because…”

You have every right to be bothered. Never apologize for feelings you may have. You sound like a very wonderful concerned sister in law. Keep up the good work!
~ Kathy ~
 
Katie,

I agree with your advice that after it is mentioned (in whatever context,) once to the person, the OP or her husband should then step back. Although it is a VERY grave matter, I would not “hound” them to death about it. This is just one of those times where it is necessary to “say something” about someone’s “sin.” The time, (now or six months from now,) the place (over coffee, over a game of pool,) and what is said is up to the OP or her husband, based on their comfort level.

I will definitely pray for you OP! You aren’t blabbing by talking about it on here…we all have problems that we need objective thoughts on.

Have a wonderful day, all!

Jesshavin
 
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momof3boys:
My BIL informed my hubby today that he was getting a vascectomy today & to not tell anyone. (meaning the family)
I am uncomfortable with what he did & am wondering if it is a mortal sin to have this done? They all grew up Catholic & it would hurt my MIL so much if she knew. Not that it is really their business, or ours, really.
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Not being an expert I think its best you consider reading up about sin for yourself, I am not sure that the issue is about what kind of sin, but rather would you do about. What kind of sin it may be for you BIL is for your BIL to deal with, with God alone. That however does not let you off the hook.

Essentially the catechism teaches that you in knowledge of a sin could be an accomplice by:

  1. *] By counsel.
    *] By command.
    *] By consent.
    *] By provocation.
    *] By praise or flattery.
    *] By concealment.
    *] By partaking.
    *] By silence.
    *] By defense of the ill done

    That should clear up your responsibility to him, you have to talk him through what his actions may mean to him. How, when, where, you know best how to deal with him and your family. The sin is his, so sharing it with anyone else would not be doing any good.

    As to the teaching on vasectomy, the church is clear that it is prohibited, and that it is an offence against the marriage. see
    2399 The regulation of births represents one of the aspects of responsible fatherhood and motherhood. Legitimate intentions on the part of the spouses do not justify recourse to morally unacceptable means (for example, direct sterilization or contraception).

    Hope it helps, incidentally I have been praying with my wife who uses a device which the church does not approve, for more than two years. Despite making her aware she continues to use it, but her conscience is starting to play up. Praise to the Holy Spirit for His mysterious ways! I will pray for you and your family.
 
Matthew, am I reading into this the wrong way? It “sounded” like you disagree with me asking you all about it. I am new to the church (I start RCIA classes next week) so forgive me if my asking was out of line. I was just concerned about my husband’s responsibility to say something about it. I felt that he should have. I don’t really feel that it is my place, I am just an in-law.
I am very saddened by the whole thing & was just looking for some answers.
Thank you all for the (name removed by moderator)ut. I greatly appreciate it.
God Bless.
 
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momof3boys:
Matthew, am I reading into this the wrong way? It “sounded” like you disagree with me asking you all about it. I am new to the church (I start RCIA classes next week) so forgive me if my asking was out of line. I was just concerned about my husband’s responsibility to say something about it. I felt that he should have. I don’t really feel that it is my place, I am just an in-law.
I am very saddened by the whole thing & was just looking for some answers.
Thank you all for the (name removed by moderator)ut. I greatly appreciate it.
God Bless.
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No sorry it must be my fault, nothing wrong with you asking, I am saying you absolutley have to ask, doing what you are now is the best. I am sorry if you felt I disagreed that you are questioning it.:o

I was hoping to actually point out that by not questioning it you might be doing the wrong thing. So keep going, the only way any of us learn is to ask fellow brothers and sisters. We are all learning together.🙂

God Bless

Matthew
 
Momof3boys,
I think what Matthew was trying to say is that yes we sin if we have knowledge of a person that is about to commit a sin and we stay silent. We have an obligation as Catholics to counsel such a person (as your BIL) that he is about to sin. We don’t have to expose the sin to others, or harp on it…just let them know that what they are about to do could have grave consequences. This is akin to knowing someone is suicidal and not trying to stop them. In a sense it is almost identical, to attempt suicide is to endanger or end their physical life where committing a sin endangers our souls which causes separation from God, a spiritual death.
 
Okay, I gotcha now. I really want to say something but don’t know if it’s my place to do so. I also don’t want them to think I have a “holier than thou” attitude. We have had conflict with them in the past & I’d hate to open up another can of worms, but I am really bothered by it. I think I’ll keep praying about it & wait for the opportunity to present itself for me to explain how I am feeling.
Thanks for all the advice. I think my husband knew he should have said something right away, too, because when I asked him if he should have said something & was now part of the sin, he agreed that he should have said something. Why is it that sometimes we don’t say the things we know we should?
 
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momof3boys:
My BIL informed my hubby today that he was getting a vascectomy today & to not tell anyone. (meaning the family)
I am uncomfortable with what he did & am wondering if it is a mortal sin to have this done? They all grew up Catholic & it would hurt my MIL so much if she knew. Not that it is really their business, or ours, really.
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Gosh! Is he married? I say if he is, it is going against God’s plan for marriage. If he is single, HE will have to live with the consequences some day. Keep it confidential—that was his wish----and tell him God’s plan for marriage and family is much better~~~~ never hurts to express your viewsI do think and have learned that we must express the Truth, but let everyone choose their own course of action. LOOK at last weeks’s Gospel reading, it’s right on target

Have a good day momof3boys:D
 
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sparkle:
Gosh! Is he married? I say if he is, it is going against God’s plan for marriage. If he is single, HE will have to live with the consequences some day.
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At least nowadays he might have some hope of having it reversed.
 
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