Is this a sin of impurity? Scrupulous

[pyraetos]

To start, I’m 16 and I’ve been worried about the definition of a sexual or impure motive, a term which I see in examinations of consciences for sins against the 6th Commandment. For example, doing something to derive sexual pleasure.

My situation is that I was flirting with a girl. Flirting couldn’t possibly be a sin, but it has to have a motive, right? I would never ever consider doing any sort of external sex act against myself or another deliberately, but wouldn’t flirting qualify as an act to derive sexual-type pleasure?

I’m worried about whether any of the feelings or physical things which happened to me while flirting with a girl (which I have never really done in the past, and am not used to doing) could be sinful in nature.

Thanks.

 

[1ke]

No, it is not a sin. Please get help of a regular confessor if you are scrupulous.

 

[pyraetos]

If it’s not a sin, what is it?

 

[michaelmas]

If it’s not a sin, what is it?

Flirting/growing up.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

If it’s not a sin, what is it?

It’s normal attraction to females. You can flirt to a certain extent without it becoming sexual, but it’s sometimes a fine line, and sometimes the response that you get from the girl can be more than you can handle. Try to keep the flirting under control and just act like a good friend to the girls you know.

 

[pyraetos]

It’s normal attraction to females. You can flirt to a certain extent without it becoming sexual, but it’s sometimes a fine line, and sometimes the response that you get from the girl can be more than you can handle. Try to keep the flirting under control and just act like a good friend to the girls you know.

Thanks for the nice response. The problem is, with my little prior experience, even mild responses seem to be pushing what I can handle. I’ll try to watch it, but hopefully I’m not culpable for anything thus far.

 

[Lancer]

Recommend get following book and read it…over and over.

It is a 1967-1970 reprint…has a: *** Imprimi Potest… Nihil Obstat…Imprimatur*** orthodox in teaching “stamp”.

It is a spiritual treasure written by a real priest…a real man…and a real spiritual advisor!

Charity and Sex and the Young Man
by** Herbert J. Raterman, S.J.**

***The frankest book ever written for teenage boys.

---

61 pages
Price: $5.95

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Fr. Herbert Raterman was confessor and spiritual guide in a Cincinnati Jesuit prep school for many years. He developed a course on women and sex for teenage boys and their fathers, and spoke to them by the thousands. This small book repeats that course, treating the most delicate subjects with plain talk – topics mothers simply cannot raise with their growing sons and many fathers, understandably, find difficult to discuss.
Fr. Raterman for years hosted the “Moments of Reparation” Radio program and says the traditional Latin Mass for Cincinnati Catholics each Sunday. He observes:

“We human beings are inclined to be selfish and self-centered, and sexual difficulties are often a result of this selfishness. Since charity draws us out of our own self-centered little world and makes us God-centered and neighbor-centered, you can see how important charity is for your proper sexual development.”

“[A playboy] brags about his sex knowledge, his physical powers, and, perhaps, even about his sins. He uses sex for recreation and fun but not for the purpose our all-wise God intended. On dates he treats a girl as a toy to be played with; and you know what a small child does with a toy when he gets tired of it—either he throws it away or he breaks it.”

“Many boys fearing they are insincere stay away from confession because of this thought, “How can I be sorry when I know I am going to sin again?” Talk this over with your confessor. He knows that you may fall again but he knows this does not necessarily mean you intend to fall again. Just because something happens often does not necessarily mean a person is insincere.… The Sacrament of Penance is not an instant cure; rather, it is like a healing process. So there may be falls again.”

“In time of any kind of temptation… don’t focus on getting rid of the temptation. It is more important to concentrate on relaxing.”

Tens of thousands of copies of this book were printed, but it has long been out of circulation. Readers and reviewers in the 1970s said things like this:

“Shows an extraordinary depth of understanding that could only come from years of experience in helping countless boys.”—F.J. Power, SJ, Messenger of the Sacred Heart, 1971

“By all odds the best thing on sex education for the young man that I have seen. It is updated in the true sense, avoiding rigorism but sacrificing nothing of Catholic teaching…Never afraid to emphasize mortal sin but gives useful indications and illustrations for determining it. Solitary vice is dealt with fully.”—Paul Hallett, National Catholic Register

“Handy…the questions and answers [are] explicit without being offensive.”—Liguorian

“Squares perfectly with the traditional morality we have all learned.”—Bishop Floyd Begin, Oakland, CA, dec.

But perhaps this letter to the editor of a leading Catholic newspaper in 1973 put it best:
“As a mother of six children, five of whom will be in Catholic schools next year, I am vitally concerned with the lack of Catholic teaching in ‘religion’ programs…So far, most of our parish schools have been spared the agony of fighting [sex ed] because for the last eight years Father Herbert Raterman, SJ, has conducted a six-session ‘Morality of Sex’ program to our students and parents…It is not only beneficial to students but to parents as well…recalls to us many Church teachings which have been obscured by promoters of ‘new theology’…I sound like a professional promoter, but I am not. I am just a mother satisfied with a sex education program and eager to tell other parents.”-- MR, Cincinnati

Pax Christi

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Thanks for the nice response. The problem is, with my little prior experience, even mild responses seem to be pushing what I can handle. I’ll try to watch it, but hopefully I’m not culpable for anything thus far.

I don’t think you are. It depends on what kind of flirting you were doing, though. If it was physical and you were touching her arm, her back, etc. then I’d go ahead and confess it. I know some here will say that’s scrupulous but I believe in confessing whatever is bothering us so we can move on and have peace.

A little bit of back and forth bantering or eye contact is most likely not at all sinful.

Flirting that leads to something sinful like fornication is of course also sinful.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

I don’t think you are. It depends on what kind of flirting you were doing, though. If it was physical and you were touching her arm, her back, etc. then I’d go ahead and confess it. I know some here will say that’s scrupulous but I believe in confessing whatever is bothering us so we can move on and have peace.

I’d hardly like to leave the kid with the impression that friendly human contact is sinful. Those sounds like age appropriate displays of affection. So you’re right, he needs to see the confessor. The confessor can handle this sort of stuff and put him on the right path.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’d hardly like to leave the kid with the impression that friendly human contact is sinful. Those sounds like age appropriate displays of affection. So you’re right, he needs to see the confessor. The confessor can handle this sort of stuff and put him on the right path.

Physical contact between teenagers these days can easily lead to sin. Yes, he should be talking to his confessor, but also praying and making his decisions about what he can handle. When girls get a signal from a boy that they interpret as interest, it can be the green light for the girl to start pursuing.