Is this considered gossip?

[Hawkeye916]

In the past, by I very much enjoyed gossip. “He said, she said”… “can you believe what he did?” That kind of thing. I realized during my spiritual development that this was sinful and something I had to weed out. I’m very careful nowadays to watch my tongue before I say something.

My question is this…is it considered gossip to say things about others like “someone did this to me” kind of a story or “this happened and I can’t believe it and this person I will not name and you don’t know, was involved” story, or an embarrassing story about someone, WITHOUT disclosing any personal information or names or really any identifiable information on the person whatsoever. So “I had a acquaintance who one day…” so on and so forth. Or “someone I knew, this thing happened to them…” bla bla, you get the idea.

I guess a recent example would be that it’s one of my neighbors who has been the topic of conversation, and their lack of care they take of their dog… it just wanders around the neighborhood and has almost been hit by a car. I don’t even know these people, they moved in recently. Just annoying and I wanted to share my experience with family. Anyway, no names or identify, given.

As I said, I try to be good and not gossip. I believe that true, sinful gossip is done with the intention to hurt someone or just not caring that they are throwing someone’s good name under the bus. I recently was visiting family and the name of a young acquaintance came up and someone blatantly was like “oh he sleeps around” or something to that degree. I was shocked! Not at the idea that this person was sleeping around but that the family member would just say such a damaging thing about this person! It was calamity! I was appalled at this family member’s lack of charity and now had unsavory information about this acquaintance that I hadn’t known before.

Anyway, long story short, or more like “long question short”…is anonymous “gossiping” sinful or even gossip at all? No names, no identification, no desire to hurt the name of someone. What do you guys think?

 

[Montrose]

Modern Catholic Dictionary:

GOSSIP. Idle talk, especially about others. The morality of gossip is determined by the degree to which time is wasted in useless conversation, by the failure in justice or charity committed against others, and by the damage done to people’s reputation by those who gossip.

 

[Newhills]

Maybe you could stick with the thought “if this doesn’t add any value then I won’t say it”.

I don’t think leaving out somebody’s name is going to turn it into a wholesome conversation.

 

[Hawkeye916]

damage done to people’s reputation by those who gossip.

No names identified or specific information given. So not possible for someone’s reputation to be damaged.

 

[Hawkeye916]

I don’t think leaving out somebody’s name is going to turn it into a wholesome conversation

But is it sinful? A conversation about what kinds of doughnuts you prefer could hardly be considered wholesome but it’s not a sin.

 

[BlueMaxx]

In the past, by I very much enjoyed gossip. “He said, she said”… “can you believe what he did?” That kind of thing. I realized during my spiritual development that this was sinful and something I had to weed out. I’m very careful nowadays to watch my tongue before I say something.

My question is this…is it considered gossip to say things about others like “someone did this to me” kind of a story or “this happened and I can’t believe it and this person I will not name and you don’t know, was involved” story, or an embarrassing story about someone, WITHOUT disclosing any personal information or names or really any identifiable information on the person whatsoever. So “I had a acquaintance who one day…” so on and so forth. Or “someone I knew, this thing happened to them…” bla bla, you get the idea. I guess a recent example would be that it’s one of my neighbors who has been the topic of conversation, and their lack of care they take of their dog… it just wanders around the neighborhood and has almost been hit by a car. I don’t even know these people, they moved in recently. Just annoying and I wanted to share my experience with family. Anyway, no names or identify, given.

As I said, I try to be good and not gossip. I believe that true, sinful gossip is done with the intention to hurt someone or just not caring that they are throwing someone’s good name under the bus. I recently was visiting family and the name of a young acquaintance came up and someone blatantly was like “oh he sleeps around” or something to that degree. I was shocked! Not at the idea that this person was sleeping around but that the family member would just say such a damaging thing about this person! It was calamity! I was appalled at this family member’s lack of charity and now had unsavory information about this acquaintance that I hadn’t known before.

Anyway, long story short, or more like “long question short”…is anonymous “gossiping” sinful or even gossip at all? No names, no identification, no desire to hurt the name of someone. What do you guys think?

Having grown from a foolish young man to an older, and hopefully wiser old man I can give you three guidelines I try to live by.

Before you speak:

1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?

The brevity of these three question holds a lifetime of wisdom in the taming of the tongue.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Discussions about an actual neighborhood problem (wandering, neglected dog) with immediate family usually aren’t gossip, especially if your family is not spreading family discussions outside the family.

Gossip is generally just sharing idle tidbits with a wide audience for the sake of entertainment or drama.

I would hope you’d also try to help the dog in some way, such as by asking the owner if she needs help walking it, etc.

 

[mary77]

this reminds me of a day in the med room as an RN listening to my coworkers talking about gossip thinking it was patients! No! Turned out they were discussing a tv soap opera show!

 

[Hawkeye916]

Gossip is generally just sharing idle tidbits with a wide audience for the sake of entertainment or drama.

I would hope you’d also try to help the dog in some way, such as by asking the owner if she needs help walking it, etc.

But is it gossip, so committing a sin, if no information is given about the person being talked about? No names, no identification given, just a John Smith or a Jane Doe. Real life problem or not? Wether it be for entertainment, venting frustrations or actually trying to get a solution. No names or identification given, so not possible for a reputation to be damaged.

My neighbors and I have discussed animal control if it continues. The people across the street seem to be lacking in the ability to care for a dog. Not out of physical or mental inability, just out of carelessness.

 

[Irishmom2]

My neighbors and I have discussed animal control if it continues. The people across the street seem to be lacking in the ability to care for a dog. Not out of physical or mental inability, just out of carelessness.

I believe gossip has to do with intent.

If you and your neighbors are discussing “have you had Mr. Jones’ dog running around in your yard?” That’s not gossip.

If you are saying “Mr. Jones‘ dog is running all over because he is a drunken jerk who doesn’t care about his dog” that is gossip.

Stating facts is one thing, editorializing is another.

 

[Beryllos]

Newhills:

I don’t think leaving out somebody’s name is going to turn it into a wholesome conversation

But is it sinful? …

First consider, is it harmful? Then whom might it harm, the person you are speaking about, the person you are speaking to, or yourself?

By leaving out the name, you have probably eliminated one of these three. However, you know who it is, you are replaying the event in your mind, you are again judging, and so it harms you spiritually. In a similar way, the person you are speaking to may be spiritually harmed by hearing the story and judging the unnamed person.

The end result of all of this may be a weakening of charity/unity/solidarity in our community and society. In other words, frequent anonymous gossip harms the reputation not of one specific person, but of every person.

Now answering your question, yes, I think it is a sin. However, we must allow this:

Is it necessary?

There are times when we need to speak about another’s faults and failings in order to make things better. If you speak with the thoughtful purpose and realistic expectation of helping the person you are talking about, or the person you are speaking to, or yourself, then speak, but only as much as necessary.

 

[Hawkeye916]

In other words, frequent anonymous gossip harms the reputation not of one specific person, but of every person.

No it does not. Clearly stories I wish to share are going to be very specific people. So how is anyone’s reputation hurt if they are essentially an unknown character in my story?

As far as judgment goes, I can see how my own spirituality might be hampered, if my annoyance or anger at a particular person is not given the change to cool down from a particularly bad experience. But how can someone pass judgment on an unknown person?

I will often share stories with my family or husband if a similar topic comes up in conversation. I NEVER want to commit the sin of calamity. So as stated I say things anonymously to avoid that. For example, my husband and I were talking about the idea that people could be “born gay”. I disputed that and said that we are very very sensitive in our development, sexuality being a big part of that. Many things that we don’t quite understand or have an awareness of can cause a shift and create same sex attraction. One big one being sexual abuse. I shared with him a story of a boy I knew growing up who was very sadly abused by a relative. This was not public knowledge, but at the time it occurred, our family was made aware somehow. Anyway the boy grew up and now lives his life as an gay man, and how that experience as a young kid clearly impacted his life and sexually now. Anyway, I didn’t feel like sharing that story was a sin because I’m not doing it with the intention to hurt, or entertain, or damage the reputation, but for the sake of the conversation at hand, explain a point. And this was someone he has no idea who it is and has never once met.

So I guess that’s just an example of the stories I might discuss.

 

[Beryllos]

So how is anyone’s reputation hurt if they are essentially an unknown character in my story?

It can contribute to the thinking that people are bad. If you talk about the good that people do, you and others will think better of humanity. If you talk about weakness, foolishness, or evil, you and others will think worse of humanity. We tend to walk in the direction we look.

 

[Hawkeye916]

It can contribute to the thinking that people are bad. If you talk about the good that people do, you and others will think better of humanity. If you talk about weakness, foolishness, or evil, you and others will think worse of humanity. We tend to walk in the direction we look.

Hmm I don’t think I buy that. I wouldn’t start telling one of my negative stories to a child, but adult to adult, I think we are aware of the fact that there are a lot of bad people out there. If I’m constantly a negative Nancy, I can see that becoming a problem, but I’m not saying that it’s all I talk about. More like the occasional story with anonymous people as the topic.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Talking about a mistreated pet without action to help the animal, does that seem what Christ would do?

 

[Hawkeye916]

Talking about a mistreated pet without action to help the animal, does that seem what Christ would do?

Who said nothing was going to get done? As I replied to an earlier comment, my next door neighbor and I have discussed calling animal control so that the dog can potentially be rehomed before getting hit by a car.

 

[Beryllos]

I wouldn’t start telling one of my negative stories to a child, but adult to adult, I think we are aware of the fact that there are a lot of bad people out there.

Even the adult mind is malleable. With God’s help, we can grow in charity and understanding of others for our whole life. You are on a spiritual journey. You are doing great! I hope that isn’t condescending.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Talking about it is one thing, stepping in and acting to help is a noble thing.

 

[Hawkeye916]

Talking about it is one thing, stepping in and acting to help is a noble thing.

Ok, so go over and kidnap the dog? Obviously not. If the dog gets out again, we are going to call animal control. We had to discuss possible action before it happens again.

 

[LisaB]

But is it sinful? A conversation about what kinds of doughnuts you prefer could hardly be considered wholesome but it’s not a sin.

A doughnut conversation could be wholesome, because it would give me an opportunity to convince you to stay away from junk food. :crazy_face:

To answer your question, no, I don’t think what you’re talking about is a sin. I don’t see how relating a story about an unknown neighbor or a kid you used to know in childhood qualifies as gossip.