Is this lying?

[JJjamin71472583]

If someone wants me to come with him or her somewhere, but I don’t want to go, is it wrong for me to make up that father may want me to help him with some work and therefore I won’t be going? I’m not really lying. Am I? My father may actually want me to help him with some work, even though I made up the statement to be polite.

 

[Scottgun]

If someone wants me to come with him or her somewhere, but I don’t want to go, is it wrong for me to make up that father may want me to help him with some work and therefore I won’t be going? I’m not really lying. Am I? My father may actually want me to help him with some work, even though I made up the statement to be polite.

The guiding principle is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. While it is permissible to withhold truths from someone with no right to them (and note even then that this does not permit speaking falsehood), it doesn’t sound like such a case.

So unless you genuinely anticipate being asked to work by your dad and there is an expectation by him that you are on call at this time, you should not use this excuse.

Scott

 

[JesusSaves17]

I have plans should suffice, I think. Whether your plans are to run errands or sit on the couch, you’ve made plans for that day.

 

[JesusSaves17]

but in all seriousness, isn’t no matter what you say a lie unless you say “I don’t want to go with you.” ??? No matter what you say, unless it’s that, it’s not the complete truth. You might fool your friend, but God won’t be fooled. But I don’t think it’s a lie really, at least not serious. I mean, isn’t it ok to lie a little when you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings? That’s all you’re trying to do is protect another’s feelings.

 

[brianwalden]

but in all seriousness, isn’t no matter what you say a lie unless you say “I don’t want to go with you.” ??? No matter what you say, unless it’s that, it’s not the complete truth. You might fool your friend, but God won’t be fooled. But I don’t think it’s a lie really, at least not serious. I mean, isn’t it ok to lie a little when you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings? That’s all you’re trying to do is protect another’s feelings.

We’re not required to tell the complete truth. In fact there are times, such as with gossiping about others, that it’s sinful to tell the complete truth. It’s not lying to give a less than completely informative reason for not going which spares your friend’s feelings. It is lying to give a false reason, but I wouldn’t think such a trivial matter would be mortal. One lie, however, can often lead to a string of lies. For example, what does the OP say a few days later when his friend asks him how work went with his father?

 

[Joe_Kelley]

If someone wants me to come with him or her somewhere, but I don’t want to go, is it wrong for me to make up that father may want me to help him with some work and therefore I won’t be going? I’m not really lying. Am I? My father may actually want me to help him with some work, even though I made up the statement to be polite.

Just “I have another commitment” would be better. You don’t need to say the that commitment is to finish reading the latest Harry Potter book. You can be truthful without telling the whole truth.

 

[Other_Eric]

Logically, there is no alternative other than to simply state that you do not wish to go. To say anything else, or to try and manufacture or imply a reason for not going that is not true is deceptive and therefore sinful. To say that you have another commitment or that the timing is inconvenient are both lies if the true reason you do not wish to go is, say, that you dislike the company of the individual you would be going with.

The correct response to an invitation you would rather not observe will always be: “I will not attend” (it is pointless and deceptive to add that you are sorry since, in preferring not to share that individual’s company, you would not be sorry at all).

If pressed for a reason why you will not be going and you do not feel comfortable in cataloguing the many reasons why you dislike the individual’s company, the appropriate response will be “it is none of your business,” since no one has the absolute right to your impressions of them.

 

[brianwalden]

Logically, there is no alternative other than to simply state that you do not wish to go. To say anything else, or to try and manufacture or imply a reason for not going that is not true is deceptive and therefore sinful. To say that you have another commitment or that the timing is inconvenient are both lies if the true reason you do not wish to go is, say, that you dislike the company of the individual you would be going with.

The correct response to an invitation you would rather not observe will always be: “I will not attend” (it is pointless and deceptive to add that you are sorry since, in preferring not to share that individual’s company, you would not be sorry at all).

If pressed for a reason why you will not be going and you do not feel comfortable in cataloguing the many reasons why you dislike the individual’s company, the appropriate response will be “it is none of your business,” since no one has the absolute right to your impressions of them.

I agree with the basic sentiment of what you’re saying, but I don’t think its lying to say you have another commitment or the timing is inconvenient. If the OP was planning on staying home and doesn’t want to go, that’s a commitment, however trivial, and and the timing of his friends request conflicts with it. Of course if the friend then asks what the commitment is the OP will either have to explain that he’d prefer not to say or share that his commitment is staying home.

I’m sorry, but think you’re wrong about saying sorry. The OP is indeed sorry for declining his friend’s request and disappointing his friend. If he wasn’t he wouldn’t be worried about declining in a way that doesn’t hurt his friends feelings. For example, look how I used sorry at the start of this paragraph. By your logic I’m lying because I’m not sorry for thinking you’re wrong. But I’m not lying because I am sorry for having to contradict you.

 

[SMHW]

I agree about the ‘sorry’ part.

“I am sorry” in this sense doesn’t mean that the person is expressing sorrow in the true sense. It is a colloquialism which means “I am going to disappoint you but I’m trying to be as polite as possible about it.” It’s called manners.

Greetings (“How are you?”), invitations (“Would you like to _____ with me?”), and various polite phrases, (“Please”, “Thank you”, etc.) have their own language and conventions attached to them. They should not be treated literally any more than phrases like, “It’s raining cats and dogs,” should be.

The problem I see is that most people are taught polite phrases like “Please” and “Thank you” but they are really taught manners and politeness. If they had been they would understand that if someone responds, “I can’t,” to an invitation that is should be interpreted as a colloquial polite decline and not literally.

The truth is a precious thing. We are not required to share the truth with those who do not need it and in some cases we are obligated not to share the truth.

 

[KathleenElsie]

A simple answer is “I am doing something else”. No lie you will be doing something else.

 

[puzzleannie]

If someone wants me to come with him or her somewhere, but I don’t want to go, is it wrong for me to make up that father may want me to help him with some work and therefore I won’t be going? I’m not really lying. Am I? My father may actually want me to help him with some work, even though I made up the statement to be polite.

why go to all this work? why not merely say, I am not able to go with you, without any explanation? why do you owe anyone an explanation for your choices?