Is this normal for me and my girlfriend? (interreligious dialogue)

[kalt]

Was he answering a question about what is physically possible, or was he answering a question about what would be a good idea? Since the above is certainly physically possible, but at the same time, it is also a really bad idea.

You should either evangelize her, or date her for marriage, but you cannot do both at the same time, since dating for marriage means accepting her and loving her exactly as she is, with no hope or desire for change, while evangelizing her is the opposite - evangelizing her means that you hope she will change and become a devout Catholic.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard something so silly. Of course someone who is “dating for marriage” can hope that the person they love will improve in some way.

We accept our spouses as they are, but hope that they will never improve? Never become an even better person? Never become more wise?

Baloney, imo. My spouse and I have both grown greatly in our faith. If I had hoped that my spouse with no hope or desire for change, wouldn’t that have been an incredibly selfish wish?

We’ve improved in many ways, as people and as a couple.

After 22 years, I’m sure glad they we both wished change for each other and for us as a couple.

I agree, though, that marrying in the hopes that someone will make a change that you want, and that is contrary to everything that person has said so far, is unrealistic. If the OP can’t accept that his girlfriend will never be a Catholic, then he’s silly to think of marriage. If he’s OK that she’ll never be Catholic, then, as his priest told him, it’s up to him.

But I don’t think the OP mentioned marriage. ???

 

[Hisalone]

Seriously you dont know what your dealing with.
Get a new girlfriend and get a new spiritual advisor.

 

[TLDenmark]

I asked him if I could marry my girlfriend, who is Wiccan. I even explained she uses magically occassionally and told him that her priest was trying to kick her out of the Order. He said it was okay to marry. That’s it. If he knew it would be harmful to my soul, he would tell me.

Look I don’t want to sound too harsh, but there is a difference between something being ok (as in possible/lawful) and it being the right (as in good/beneficial) thing to do. Your priest is perfectly justified in saying that it is lawful to marry her, but that doesn’t change the fact that such a marriage would be anything but ideal. You are setting yourself up for future heartaches and dangers, and I truly hope you have good reasons to do so.

While never being one of them, I used to socialise quite a bit with a group of Wiccans. They are in no way satanic or evil (in fact most of them were confused artistic types of people, with a good heart), but that doesn’t change the fact they are playing with fire. They invite unseen spiritual forces into their lives, without having a clue about how those forces operate (speaking both as a catholic and from painful experience). Do you want that in your marriage, do you want to risk that to your own spiritual life and the life of your children? Demons are real, scary and powerful beings; you don’t want them in your life. Also our faith tells us that she risks damnation for what she is doing, can you live with that uncertainty?

Anyway if you decide to marry her, you better be prepared to deal with difficulties when the initial infatuation wears off. Catholics marry for life, even if the other partner is a pagan. There is no room for an “oops I think I made a mistake marrying her” 10 years from now, so you better be prepared to love her like Christ loves the Church.

God bless you
TL

 

[jmcrae]

I don’t think I’ve ever heard something so silly. Of course someone who is “dating for marriage” can hope that the person they love will improve in some way.

If you are dating someone with the hope that they will change their brand of shampoo, or that they will bathe more frequently, this is already a tall order. But to date someone with the hope that they will change their entire world-view, religion, and lifestyle? It seems unrealistic, to me.

We accept our spouses as they are,

but hope that they will never improve? Never become an even better person? Never become more wise?

Did I say you had to hope that they wouldn’t improve? No. I said, you** cannot hope that they will improve**. Vast difference. One restricts the person’s freedom; the other loves her as she is, without conditions, and without the idea that, “Some day, you will see things as I see them.”

I agree, though, that marrying in the hopes that someone will make a change that you want, and that is contrary to everything that person has said so far, is unrealistic.

This is exactly what I was saying.

If the OP can’t accept that his girlfriend will never be a Catholic, then he’s silly to think of marriage. If he’s OK that she’ll never be Catholic, then, as his priest told him, it’s up to him.

But I don’t think the OP mentioned marriage. ???

According to what he has written here, he is planning to marry her within the year.

 

[hadassahjones]

Most real, true Wiccans that I have known (not the wannabe Goth kids who run around with pentagram necklaces from Hot Topic ) are kind, friendly, earth-mother types. Their creed is "an it harm none, do what ye will) and I wrote a paper in my sophomore English class on the difference between Wiccans and Satanists, which are often confused. Mind you, I don’t believe they are in any way right, nor are they saved, but for the most part, they are harmless.

Now, on the other hand, if she is using magic, which may be why her priest is trying to kick her out–only a few certain types of spells are permitted by Wiccans, and there are many, many types of magic which are forbidden–then the OP would be wise to find out what sorts of magic she is using, and how deeply she delves into it. Also a consideration—her age. I’m not saying that young people can’t have deep and serious beliefs, I am young, and growing more serious by the day about becoming Catholic–but Wicca is something that young people, especially young women, tend to dabble in because it offers a great deal of freedom and is a way to “find yourself”.

If she’s not gone to Mass yet, the OP would be wise to take her, as I’m sure they visit one another occasionally, either in her area or his, and see her reaction. After all, their children will be raised Catholic. If she is not freaked out, and remains comfortable with his faith and that it will be the faith of her children, then there is hope for their relationship and eventual marriage. Many non-Catholic spouses attend for years with their Catholic spouse, and often they convert. I’ve seen it often. Also, if they are remaining chaste, she is already showing a willingness to work with him on matters of religion, as Wiccans shun the idea of chastity–not that they are easy or loose, but they see the body as something to be enjoyed and appreciated without reservations. The idea of waiting until marriage is not one found in any Wiccan text.

 

[Wolfsrain]

The conversation is normal. I would find it rather abnormal if you both ignored each other’s faith, instead of acknowledging each other. My advice to you, if you love her and she loves you and she is the one you wish to be with in life and you trust that she is not a bad person…that should be all that matters.

Does she respect your beliefs? I know many an interfaith couple and they have led healthy, loving lives TOGETHER because they have respected each other’s faith. The most honest thing you can do with and FOR one another is ask her to attend Mass with you, because truthfully though it be a time between you and God it should mean something for her to be there too with you, to help celebrate your God even if she doesn’t follow the same path. In turn, there is no harm in accompanying her or supporting her in her path. You do not have to follow it. Being there physically and interacting same as you would have of her does not deter you from your path as a Catholic. It just shows support. What greater love can two people have for each other than accepting differences without hesitation? Did Jesus not say that his desciples would be known through the love they have for each other? What love is there in pushing another to follow a path that is not right for them? Love is not forceful and demanding, it can be presented in such a way, but that is not love. Love is open and gentle, and until one can be willing to offer love to the stranger that crosses their path from another direction and another land, one cannot truly say that they love; and for those who believe that to be Christian or Catholic is to spread the word of God and Jesus, what other word instead of spread could be better lived, than love?

It is normal, because you aren’t the only one in this kind of relationship. Marry your girl and cast aside a question that would not have resided in your heart had you cast aside the discretions of those who say they love, say they love God, but do not understand love outside their own personal boundaries.

All of course, in my own personal opinion.