Is this normal?

[Argh]

This might be a silly question, or maybe not…

Maybe it’s modern-day brain washing by the mass media, but I was under the impression that young males (myself being 20, fall into this category) are supposed to be afraid of “comittment” (aka marriage)? That’s why I feel kinda wierd that recently I’ve been constantly thinking about marriage. That is, *wanting *to find that special Catholic girl, get married, etc…

For example:

1. I now find myself constantly checking the fingers of young women .
2. Since I’m a terrible judge of age, I’ve actually bought cigarettes to check if the cashier is 18+
3. I have become incredibly distracted during Mass. I can report there are NO unmarried women my age in my parish.
4. I’ve been caught in a couple embarrasing situations where a few girls thought I was staring at their, um, chest region when I was looking to see if the golden pendants they were wearing were saint’s metals and the like.

Is this normal? Did God just slap me over the head recently and told me my vocation was marriage or something?

 

[she_he]

Argh:

This might be a silly question, or maybe not…

Maybe it’s modern-day brain washing by the mass media, but I was under the impression that young males (myself being 20, fall into this category) are supposed to be afraid of “comittment” (aka marriage)? That’s why I feel kinda wierd that recently I’ve been constantly thinking about marriage. That is, *wanting *to find that special Catholic girl, get married, etc…

For example:

1. I now find myself constantly checking the fingers of young women .
2. Since I’m a terrible judge of age, I’ve actually bought cigarettes to check if the cashier is 18+
3. I have become incredibly distracted during Mass. I can report there are NO unmarried women my age in my parish.
4. I’ve been caught in a couple embarrasing situations where a few girls thought I was staring at their, um, chest region when I was looking to see if the golden pendants they were wearing were saint’s metals and the like.

Is this normal? Did God just slap me over the head recently and told me my vocation was marriage or something?

No you are not “UNnormal”
however what i am seeing in you is not so much a need for marriage as a need to find a companion that marriage is a possibility, Instead of “looking” for a wife find a gal that will be a close match to your interests,then become friends, then best friends, dont skip any of these steps, you will know when its time to tie the knot.I have the impression by what you wrote that you currently do not have a Girlfriend, and that in itself is what is causing these feelings in your mind,you are 20, having a GF represents a lot of things,not having one can represent a lot of things as well, one being you are choosy,and thats a good thing, the one thing it dont represent is that you cannot get a woman
which a lot of guys your age feel if they are “alone”

also remember you dont necessarily have to find a "catholic"girl
there are millions of women out there and one is for you,the match that was made in heaven could be a gal of another faith,that maybe not now but later would be willing to convert or follow your Faith.
I am currently engaged to the Gal WHOM i know god put us together, she is Catholic I am not but now after 9 months i am converting.attending church every week and enjoying it.
9 months ago i was a never attend church guy.and guess what,she never “made me” go to church with her, and never once asked me to convert.I am converting for many reasons.
But make your “search larger”
I can speak with some knowledge on the subject as I at your age was the typical "badboy"type when it came to women.I did a lot of stuff i wish i haddnt done now,and lots of the women that flocked towards me were Catholic gals,so dont think because they are Catholic that they are what you indeed are looking to find…
take it from a 40 yr old whom has been married once.
Make sure she is your best friend before you even think about getting married there is no rush you have your whole life ahead of you, make sure you get to spend it with your best friend,and lover
John

 

[Mrs_JCEB]

You are very romantic and to a large extent you are idealizing marriage which is a good thing. The first response to your query boils down to “get the practicals straight” and he is so right, just as long as you don’t loose the Ideal that you started with. Without that Ideal you are moving toward nothing and remember that in this case, the case of marriage, the ideal is the Holy Trinity in which image marriage is made.

Some differences with that other reply though.

1. Girlfriend, Girlschmendiend. Go into it thinking marriage and you are more likely to come out of the process married in the right way and for the right reasons. Courtship, not dating is what you seem to want. In other words go into it with marriage as the desired, though not certain, end. It’s more honest, time saving and effective.
2. Go for the Catholic girl if you can. Even if it is possible to successfully marry an agnostic, Jew, or pagan and have all come out right in the end, you shouldn’t plan that complication in. Since you don’t have any relationships of this sort right now you are in the driver’s seat to some extent, so BE CHOOSY.

I’ve seen people date and I’ve seen people court and I’ve seen them cast the net wide and I’ve seen them narrow the search. In all cases the courting couple who is focused on marriage and the couple who have held high standards have the more successful time of it. Incidentally, I am not among those, though I am graced with a holy wife and a wonderful marriage.

Last. Keep God in the process, no matter what.

Yours in Christ,

JCEB

 

[anna1978]

Well, I haven’t worn my ring in 3 years (put on weight during pregnancy), and one friend who’s married can’t wear rings because they bring her hands up in a rash…soooooo, stop staring at women’s fingers

Otherwise, yeah…I think you’re normal! But don’t ‘look for marriage’, let it find you! If you meet the right girl, you know but from experience I can say men who ‘really, really want to get married’ often come across as …uhmmm…desperate…and that has put me off quite a few devout Catholic, really nice men-because I found their enthusiasm a bit unsettling…

Anna x
[Happily married for 5 years to a devout Catholic man who didn’t seem terribly keen to start with ]

 

[manualman]

You’re normal. I was right there with you 8 years ago. Married for 6 now. It’s worth it!

But focus on the catholic girls. Trust me on this. In my experience, men are weak. Wimps. Get yourself in a private situation with a girl you are highly attracted to who does NOT have your convictions on sex and you’ll get yourself into trouble. Play it safe. Find a good catholic girl who has strong morals to keep you honest.

But you are right, the average parish is not a big enough net. Find regional stuff to get involved in; pro-life work, habitat for humanity, young adult prayer groups, retreats. They’re out there. You just need a big net.

 

[bogeyjlg]

I am in the same boat with you. I too am looking forward to commitment. I too look to see if women are available but I tend to avoid it during Mass. I figure all good things with patience (though I am having trouble maintaining mine).

 

[Unfinished]

I have found that the religiously minded males of our age (20-21) search for marriage. While I agree that being chaste before marriage is a motivating factor, it isn’t close at all to being the sole reason.

While the secular guys tend to fear marriage because they can sleep around more.

Just what I have found. I search for a woman to share the sacrament of marriage with because it means a lot more to me than some guy who is just getting “pinned down”.

Adam

 

[Fred_1]

Yes you are normal!!

I am 20 years old myself, just turned 20 at the beggining of January, and I am 3 months engaged!! I am a lucky one. I can’t say that I was really looking for a wife when I first started ‘courting’ my fiance, but here I am! We both definately agree that we didn’t have much to do with it, it was mostly God’s work. He kinda just threw us together and said “C’mon! Get married!” but I’m definately glad He did.

If you haven’t read “Boy meets Girl” by Josh Harris, I highly recommend it. It’s not Catholic, rather it’s Christian, but don’t let that fool you it has some great things to say!

Good luck on your hunt!! :tiphat:

 

[Argh]

Well, thank you all. At least now I know I’m not crazy…sort of :whacky: .

Like most of you said, I think I definitely need a good Catholic girl. I had a long term relationship with my high school sweetheart until we realized an atheist and a Catholic have no future together. So I swore off atheists, agnostics and protestants. Plus, as manualman said, men are weak and I’m certainly no exception. But if I can make it 20 years w/out sex, I can wait a few more .

There was a good program of “The Right Questions” on Relevant Radio that dealt a good deal about dating vs. courtship not too long ago. The host had the author of “Ask Me Anything” on.

relevantradio.com/docs/index.asp?categoryid=606

The good news is UW-Milwaukee classes begin 1/23/06.

 

[she_he]

Argh:

Well, thank you all. At least now I know I’m not crazy…sort of :whacky: .

Like most of you said, I think I definitely need a good Catholic girl. I had a long term relationship with my high school sweetheart until we realized an atheist and a Catholic have no future together. So I swore off atheists, agnostics and protestants. Plus, as manualman said, men are weak and I’m certainly no exception. But if I can make it 20 years w/out sex, I can wait a few more .

There was a good program of “The Right Questions” on Relevant Radio that dealt a good deal about dating vs. courtship not too long ago. The host had the author of “Ask Me Anything” on.

relevantradio.com/docs/index.asp?categoryid=606

The good news is UW-Milwaukee classes begin 1/23/06.

well manual man is wrong in assuming only Catholic girls have morals, I was one of those “playboys” when i was younger
and a lot of the Catholic girls were “easy” so to speak sorry if this insults anyone its not meant to, But they tend to have a very rebellious attitude about “being forced” to attend mass every week
by devote parents and took it out in the wrong way.
But if you are serious about a Catholic only girl try Benefit dinners held by the church,summer parrish festivals etc all great places to meet up with a gal, much better than a bar,

I admit an athiest is not the way to go,
but protestant girls can and usually do have higher moral values as well,esspecially them baptists girls, but they tend to be way over the edge to.
if your going to base a relationship potential on something, Make it your best friend first, without that you will have nothing,
you will know within a day or two if they have the morals you are looking for.esspecially at your age…
John

 

[jc-servant]

I would suggest reading “The Exclamation, The Wise Choice of a Spouse for Catholic Marriage” by Patricia Wrona. It has a chapter on discernment of God’s will in general for helping you figure out if marriage is your vocation. It then talks about how to figure out if someone is right for you if marriage is indeed your vocation. I wish that I had read it in my 20’s, but of course I wasn’t Catholic then. You don’t have to be thinking about getting married right this minute for the book to be very helpful. In fact, I would love to have every teen who wants to start “dating” read this book in high school and save themselves some heartache.

 

[JMJ_Theresa]

Only only date committed Catholic girls!!! That is, if you want to rear Catholic children.

It really matters. Really. alot.

Here’s one of my favorite stories. When Zelie Guerin (St. Therese’s mom) was walking across a bridge one day, a stranger walked past her. God spoke to her interiorly, “this is the one I have prepared for you.” It was her future husband–Louis Martin. She was 28, by the way. They had five daughters who became nuns. One a canonized saint.

If you work on your holiness, God will present your spouse to you. You won’t have to do any looking at all. Just be open. I hope you don’t have to wait until you are twenty-eight, but remember He is helping to form that future spouse right now. Hopefully, it won’t take long.

 

[Lillith]

she_he:

and a lot of the Catholic girls were “easy” so to speak sorry if this insults anyone its not meant to, But they tend to have a very rebellious attitude about “being forced” to attend mass every week
but protestant girls can and usually do have higher moral values as well,esspecially them baptists girls, but they tend to be way over the edge to.
if your going to base a relationship potential on something, Make it your best friend first, without that you will have nothing,
you will know within a day or two if they have the morals you are looking for.esspecially at your age.John

Now you Knew when you typed this that someone would have to say something…didn’t you!

He did say GOOD Catholic girl…

Protestants are not opposed to birth control, which puts a good Catholic boy into a quandry…

My daughter’s best friend is a Baptist…she is a good girl, but views abortion as none of her concern…a personal sin…As opposed to our (My daughter, mine, and other GOOD Catholics) belief that it is in effect…Mass genocide…

Baptists are Christians…but they (for the most part) do not see fornication as a Mortal sin…causing death to the soul…there are no sins that could hurt your salvation…large difference in doctrines here…

Read this thread…it will make you understand how important it is to find someone who has your same faith…or is willing to converse, explore and convert to Catholicism

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=94213

 

[stbruno]

ecclesia.org/truth/goodbye.html

Check out this link. It has excerpts from a great book that I highly recommend for all of us normal men out there.

It is called I kissed Dating Goodbye. Hey, I did a novena for a wife and it worked. It took me around 18 yrs. to realize that on the day my novena was finished, I actually was standing next to my future bride…I did not actually start dating her for another 7 yrs. and last year we celebrated our 25th anniversary. Keep praying!

 

[bjj]

This has nothing to do with the topic, but I’d like to compliment all you younger people (twenty-ish) who are out on this site. It warms my heart to know you are all still in touch with the one thing that matters - our ONE TRUE FAITH!!!

I do agree though, don’t go looking for marriage, it’ll find you.

 

[manualman]

I apoligize for accidentally insulting protestant girls virtues! No intent, I promise.

But as noted above by others, many protestants have radically differing views of sexual morality. Virtually none of them understand why contraception is harmful to a marriage, many of them believe masturbation is no problem, … I could go on, but this isn’t the place.

Worse, there are major differences between catholicism and protestantism that will become MAJOR issues in a marriage. Save the trouble and find somebody spiritually compatible. Exceptions may exists, but there ARE exceptions. Most times this ends in heartache. Been there. Was 21 when I was dating a wonderfully virtuous non-denom girl. Her whole family were former catholics now anti-catholic. Would have saved myself a whole lot of trouble to have recognized the incompatibility right away.

 

[she_he]

Lillith:

Now you Knew when you typed this that someone would have to say something…didn’t you!

He did say GOOD Catholic girl…

Protestants are not opposed to birth control, which puts a good Catholic boy into a quandry…

My daughter’s best friend is a Baptist…she is a good girl, but views abortion as none of her concern…a personal sin…As opposed to our (My daughter, mine, and other GOOD Catholics) belief that it is in effect…Mass genocide…

Baptists are Christians…but they (for the most part) do not see fornication as a Mortal sin…causing death to the soul…there are no sins that could hurt your salvation…large difference in doctrines here…

Read this thread…it will make you understand how important it is to find someone who has your same faith…or is willing to converse, explore and convert to Catholicism

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=94213

Yes i knew someone would say something

all i was meaning is that all faiths have high moral people.
The fact I brought up the baptists girls was because they simply had the highest standards in my area of prowl.
as far as the Catholic girls went was basically as it usually is now a 50/50 on BC even though most wont admit to its use in church.
and yes i knew of a few Catholic girls that had abortions.
as well as other faiths.
Lutherans do not believe in BC,Matter of fact they are so close to the Catholic faith its not even funny,although i will admit i had no clue till recently how close they are…But then again look whom the founder of the Lutherans is the catholics still use his teachings…

I did like the one reply about the reading material,

 

[she_he]

manualman:

I apoligize for accidentally insulting protestant girls virtues! No intent, I promise.

But as noted above by others, many protestants have radically differing views of sexual morality. Virtually none of them understand why contraception is harmful to a marriage, many of them believe masturbation is no problem, … I could go on, but this isn’t the place.

Worse, there are major differences between catholicism and protestantism that will become MAJOR issues in a marriage. Save the trouble and find somebody spiritually compatible. Exceptions may exists, but there ARE exceptions. Most times this ends in heartache. Been there. Was 21 when I was dating a wonderfully virtuous non-denom girl. Her whole family were former catholics now anti-catholic. Would have saved myself a whole lot of trouble to have recognized the incompatibility right away.

Manualman I do agree with a lot of what you are saying.
and I have been married myself before,and for all the wrong reasons.
you stated a point that I was actually trying in a way to make
when you talked about the “former catholics” why did they become this way? rebellious because of being forced to attend mass is a big reason,or parents were over the edge about it.
without going into details on that you know what I am talking about we see it in these boards everyday,people assuming they know more than the church,Bible etc and have a direct phone link to god and can judge us all.and some just dont believe in everything they have been taught.
relize some of them :former catholics" are not former YET, they dont have the Faith so to speak but really havnt tried to find something else either so will say they are catholic.
and I am not saying any of these people are wrong or right for thier actions i was just trying to emphasize that there can be lots of heartache if you narrow search to only Catholic girls.
and also remember lots of those “protestant” girls and guys for that matter would be more than willing to convert if introduced in a nice way to the Catholic church…
I Myself am proof of that.I felt extremely welcome in the Catholic church,and enjoyed the mass tremendously. this has happened since May and I have to thank my Fiance, I am 40 yrs old now
and before May of 2005 I probably haddnt been to a sunday church since i was 7 maybe 8.
and I never attended my own church except to get married and 3 total baptisms,

Best advice is to find a gal with Faith and work from there on mutual beliefs…
John

 

[Fred_1]

she_he:

i was just trying to emphasize that there can be lots of heartache if you narrow search to only Catholic girls.

I agree with you that it can certainly much more difficult if you narrow your search simply to the Catholic faith, but I feel it is definitaly worth it. There are a few pretty significant differences between Catholics and Christians that could cause heartache latter on. And most imporantly, what religion will the children be raised in?! If one wants to raise the children baptist (for example) and the other wants to raise children Catholic, well who is it going to be? As Catholics, it is our DUTY (yes, duty) to raise the children Catholic, and if one’s spouse insists on raising the children in their own faith, there certainly can be alot of stress resulting from that. On the couple AND on the children, who might end up trying to please both parents and become unsure what their faith is because of it.

Yes, it is possible for a “mixed religion” marriage to work out wonderfully, but, IMO, for the sake of my children, I would never take the chance.

 

[bobtails]

My husband and I have been married for a little over 2 years. I am 25 and he is 29. When I was 20 I was so lost, in terms of my religion. I am a cradle catholic but strayed during my teenage years. My husband did something wonderful for me, he taught me how to open myself up to the Lord again.

I think that when it comes down to it, find a woman who challenges you, who makes you want to be a better person. Someone who you see yourself with in 50 years. But don’t tear your hair out looking for her.

You know what they say, you always find what you’re looking for whenever you’re not looking. hmm… I don’t think that was right but close enough. Anyway, that’s what happened to me. I was dating someone and became friends with my husband while working together. I was 19. We became best friends and it took off from there.

You’ll meet her when the time is right. And a word of advice, stop staring at a females chest. If you want to know what is on her necklace, just ask. Its a good ice breaker and she won’t think you’re a pervert!