Is this permissible within Marriage

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A close friend of mine who just converted to the Catholic Church from a non- denominational church with her husband asked me if " sex toys " were permitted in marriage as long as the act is always followed with relations with her spouse? After 25 yrs of marriage, I frankly did not know how to answer her, and she does not feel comfortable asking their parish priest.
 
My understanding is that as long as the husband ONLY ejaculates in the wife’s vagina, anything else is permitted.

For example, some women are not able to orgasm simply from vaginal intercourse. (This is actually very common - it affects over 1/2 of women.) According to Christopher West, the loving thing for the husband to do afterward in such as situation is to masturbate his wife to orgasm so that she can share in the experience.
 
Why does she need to have relations with objects before having relations with her human husband?
 
Why does she need to have relations with objects before having relations with her human husband?
Maybe because she cannot reach orgasm without use of sex toys. Maybe she and her husband simply enjoy foreplay with sex toys. Either way, not our business.

As the other poster said, as far as I know the use of toys is permitted as long as the culmination of their time together is the husband reaching his own orgasm inside his wife.
 
There’s nothing specifically prohibiting it, but I would caution your friend to be aware of the motivations behind using such objects. Many are designed in a way that makes it very, very easy to misuse sex - to see it as an opportunity to “scratch an itch” rather than love your spouse. Toys make it easy to be “lazy” about sex. If a person can’t climax without them, I think that would be a pretty serious indication of a problem.

IMO, much better for spouses to “spice it up” in other ways, where they are focusing on each other, and not on other things. 👍
…According to Christopher West, the loving thing for the husband to do afterward in such as situation is to masturbate his wife to orgasm so that she can share in the experience.
I agree with the substance of this, but it’s confusing terminology (although commonly used). By definition masturbation is done alone and is objectively grave matter. The phrase “manual stimulation” would be more accurate. And yes, that’s completely fine - and it can be done without any toys.
 
There’s nothing specifically prohibiting it, but I would caution your friend to be aware of the motivations behind using such objects. Many are designed in a way that makes it very, very easy to misuse sex - to see it as an opportunity to “scratch an itch” rather than love your spouse. Toys make it easy to be “lazy” about sex. If a person can’t climax without them, I think that would be a pretty serious indication of a problem.

IMO, much better for spouses to “spice it up” in other ways, where they are focusing on each other, and not on other things. 👍
Many women cannot climax from penetration alone. While ideally the husband would use oral or manual stimulation to help her achieve it, sometimes a couple just wants a quickie or a woman needs something a little extra to climax. I don’t see that as a big deal. Unless toys are some sort of fetish or unless the husband always refuses to try to get her to climax on his own I don’t think they’re a problem.
 
Why does she need to have relations with objects before having relations with her human husband?
Because it helps some women achieve orgasm during the actual intercourse.

To the OP. If it’s used as foreplay, and is follow / preceded by intercourse, then it is licit to use sex toys.
 
Here’s another idea, and I apologize if this is a little graphic, but if the person is concerned about using toys outside of actual intercourse there are vibrators that are small enough to use during intercourse, and that may allow a couple to actually climax together should they so choose.
 
Many women cannot climax from penetration alone. While ideally the husband would use oral or manual stimulation to help her achieve it, sometimes a couple just wants a quickie or a woman needs something a little extra to climax. I don’t see that as a big deal. Unless toys are some sort of fetish or unless the husband always refuses to try to get her to climax on his own I don’t think they’re a problem.
I agree with you. But I think a couple needs to exercise caution about using them. Not that the couple in the OP wouldn’t, necessarily, but sometimes hearing “there’s nothing specific about them” can lead a person to think they can “do no wrong.” I think toys introduce a much higher likelihood of looking at sex in the wrong way.

Think about all of the threads we get here asking about married sex. One party is acting like it’s his or her right to it whenever, wherever, however, and after all they waited until marriage, so now the other spouse needs to get with the program. Or it’s the spouse who’s withholding because the other won’t do whatever, and so sex is used as a weapon. When sex does happen for these couples, it may always end with part A in part B, but it’s still not holy sex, as the Church sees it.

Couples should ask themselves if they are objectifying each other by their actions - both in and out of the bedroom. Some couples may be able to use toys in an OK way, and others may not. There are things that my husband and I don’t do because we know it’s not OK for me, him, or both of us. These things may be OK for other couples. We may have things we do that another couple can’t, for whatever reason.

And they can always try them (or continue to use them) and later change their mind. Or maybe they think there’s a reason they shouldn’t now, and later decide it would be a nice change. I think there’s plenty else that can be done, but that’s based on me and my marriage.

TL; DR: So yeah, toys can be OK. But if they aren’t helping you have holy sex, or are preventing that, then ditch 'em.
 
I think that if a couple spends too much time obsessing about whether or not they are having “holy sex,” they will both have trouble getting aroused and reaching climax.
 
I believe it is OK as long as the couple keep in their minds that their Guardian Angels; , Our Lord and half of heaven are looking down on them to ensure they are being Holy all the time not to mention the devil. No sex toy will help after that! There is always a test for good Catholics in everything they do. Neatest correct entry wins ! Hee! Hee! Apologies before offence taken again.
 
I think that if a couple spends too much time obsessing about whether or not they are having “holy sex,” they will both have trouble getting aroused and reaching climax.
I agree, but I’m not talking about being obsessed. Just being aware.

And my sex life is just fine, thank you. 😛
 
Hmmm, strange that some Catholics seriously think that the use of sex toys is normal and ok. Honestly, this is disgusting and such things only cheapen the marital embrace.

@OP: tell your friend who is just joining the Catholic Church to read the book Catholicism for Dummies:

Only sex between a husband and wife is considered moral, and even then, the couple must be mutually respectful of each other. If the sole objective is personal pleasure and nothing more, then even a husband or wife sins by reducing his or her partner to a sex object or just a means to self-gratification. For example, using pornography or any kind of sex toy is strictly forbidden in the eyes of the Church.

Catholicism for Dummies
 
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