Is this spiritual awakening?

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archamc3

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I’ve been with my wife for 12 years, but married for only 3. We have an 8th month old son and she filed for divorce earlier this week. She is Catholic, and I am (was) agnostic. We only lived with each other once we were married and that took a little adjusting. Things were good and we decided it was time for a child. Once the child came along, like most other couples, we spent less time with each other. This is where we grew apart and with my snappy temper this is where we are at today. I use to think that it wasn’t just on my end and she was just too sensitive. After seriously evaluating our relationship, I have to admit that I left her with no other option that to file for divorce and the majority of blame is on me. I refused to change my ways.
I’ll start by saying that I didn’t think it was possible for people all of a sudden to “believe”, but after this event I know I want God in my life for good. I’m meeting with her today and I wrote her that is at the bottom, but I feel like she may take it the wrong way in that I’m trying to lie to her to get her back. Is it to early to give her this letter? This is truly the way I feel whether or not we do work it out, even though it seems like I have already done too much emotional damage to her. I’m very open to opinions and appreciate your time in a strangers matter.

Here is the letter:
You are an amazing and beautiful woman. I wish I would have told you that every minute of every day. After some serious reflection of our relationship, I left you with no other option than to leave me. My stubbornness and refusal to see that the fault was within me broke you down emotionally. When all you needed was a hug or kiss, I was not there for you for that support. I now understand why you were always at your parents’ house. You needed support in more ways than one and your mother was the one that was there for you every time, not me. I was jealous of your mother having a closer relationship with you than I did. Instead of me trying to build a relationship with you, I took that energy and turned it into bitterness. By doing this, I hurt everybody who was involved. I cannot ask for forgiveness until I have forgiven myself, but I am sorry.
I want to thank you for being so strong in the relationship given the factors. I also want to thank you for praying for me. There’s only one person that could have the strength to go through what I put you through. That person is you. For the first time in my life, I now know that God does exist. He put you in my life to guide me. I believe with all of my heart that you are my guardian angel.

2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.”
 
It could be a tipping point but I’d seriously examine the situation with a member of the clergy, not your wife. Maybe you’re just very upset about her leaving and I daresay there is a fair chance of her taking such a letter as desperation.

Maybe something more blunt and less emotional. And not in a letter. You should just flat out say: “I love you, but I failed to actually love you. I was not there for you as a husband should be and I drove you away. This is my fault and I am sorry that I hurt you so much. I hope someday you can forgive me for how I treated you.”

Accept responsibility and leave it at that. If she is open to reconciliation that’s fantastic, and I’d immediately seek both counseling and advice from a priest. After all, if your wife is Catholic then she cannot remarry without an annulment… unless of course you’re not married in the Church.

Bottom line, go seek out God separately from seeking to repair your relationship with your wife. Perhaps this is a wake up call and I’m sorry that it had to be in such heartrending circumstances. But don’t make an estranged wife into a spiritual guide or some kind of human guardian angel. Ask for help from your real guardian angel and examine your spiritual life with the help of a spiritual counselor.
 
That’s a beautiful letter. I like that you did not demand or even request that she come back. Next step you might consider asking her to date you, and in this courtship you can show that you’ve changed.
 
Deus_tecum said:
That’s a beautiful letter. I like that you did not demand or even request that she come back. Next step you might consider asking her to date you, and in this courtship you can show that you’ve changed.
Click to expand...
Ditto to this. It’s not a “I’ve changed now take me back” type letter but seems to be very loving and sincere. If she has really brought you to God, continue to seek Him even if she doesn’t see that you have changed and ask to reunite. I will pray for you and your family.
 
archamc3 said:
I’ve been with my wife for 12 years, but married for only 3. We have an 8th month old son and she filed for divorce earlier this week. She is Catholic, and I am (was) agnostic. We only lived with each other once we were married and that took a little adjusting. Things were good and we decided it was time for a child. Once the child came along, like most other couples, we spent less time with each other. This is where we grew apart and with my snappy temper this is where we are at today. I use to think that it wasn’t just on my end and she was just too sensitive. After seriously evaluating our relationship, I have to admit that I left her with no other option that to file for divorce and the majority of blame is on me. I refused to change my ways.
I’ll start by saying that I didn’t think it was possible for people all of a sudden to “believe”, but after this event I know I want God in my life for good. I’m meeting with her today and I wrote her that is at the bottom, but I feel like she may take it the wrong way in that I’m trying to lie to her to get her back. Is it to early to give her this letter? This is truly the way I feel whether or not we do work it out, even though it seems like I have already done too much emotional damage to her. I’m very open to opinions and appreciate your time in a strangers matter.

Here is the letter:
You are an amazing and beautiful woman. I wish I would have told you that every minute of every day. After some serious reflection of our relationship, I left you with no other option than to leave me. My stubbornness and refusal to see that the fault was within me broke you down emotionally. When all you needed was a hug or kiss, I was not there for you for that support. I now understand why you were always at your parents’ house. You needed support in more ways than one and your mother was the one that was there for you every time, not me. I was jealous of your mother having a closer relationship with you than I did. Instead of me trying to build a relationship with you, I took that energy and turned it into bitterness. By doing this, I hurt everybody who was involved. I cannot ask for forgiveness until I have forgiven myself, but I am sorry.
I want to thank you for being so strong in the relationship given the factors. I also want to thank you for praying for me. There’s only one person that could have the strength to go through what I put you through. That person is you. For the first time in my life, I now know that God does exist. He put you in my life to guide me. I believe with all of my heart that you are my guardian angel.

2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.”
Click to expand...
I think you have a beautiful letter to your wife and you should give it to her.

Will you change… you can begin to change… If she decides to keep you in her life, you need to know that she may expect more from you than you are giving… you need to work hard to make your relationship strong.

I would remove the part in the letter about her being your guardian angel. People are never angels. Our society has a way of expressing people as angels… someone who help must equal an angel… someone who dies must equal an angel. Those are not true statements.

If your wife understands her faith well, hearing you say she is a guardian angel will drop the whole point of the letter - as it is not true.

God made angels and God made man. They are not the same.

My prayer is that you two reconcile and not divorce. May God help you in your marriage and in your faith.
 
When you give the letter to her today - will you have her to read it at that time?

Can you read it out loud to her?

Her response at first may be different than a later response.

Maybe you can ask to read it out loud to her… and ask if you can read it out loud twice to her.

The letter says a lot and emotions to each part can cause the other parts to be missed.

Being able to speak with you as she reads it or you read it to her - can be helpful to her.
 
I agree that you should take out the line about her being your Guardian Angel.

The real issue is if you will change or not. Many men will swear and promise to change, but after a week or 2 of their wife coming back, they go back to their old ways. So you have to see where she is regarding all this. Maybe you 2 need a trial separation, or a trial getting back together. And whether she comes with you or not, go for counseling.

And just to answer your original question, I wouldn’t call this a spiritual awakening. It’s more like you panicking because you’re seeing you can lose everything. A snappy temper is a hard thing to change. It’s possible for sure, but you have a lot of work to do it.

Best wishes to you both.
 
I said a prayer for you… I really hope everything works out
 
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