Is this the right place?

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RobMob83

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Man…I’m feeling like **** and am looking for some assistance, but I don’t want to barge in like just another new user and hope for the best. I know if I were a senior member I wouldn’t want to keep listening to people wine about their problems. So I’m asking where should I go If I’m having a problem with myself, a problem with my life that I need to put a fix or stop to. I pray about this alot and I’m not giving up, I’m just trying new things. Hopefully I can find some answers here. Thank you for your time!
 
Hey, welcome to the forums! 👋 You should post your question in whatever forum the topic you feel most belongs in (i.e voting questions in “Politics”, questions about Church history in “Apologetics”, questions about your children in “Family”.) If you don’t know where to post it, just throw it into miscellaneous! 😉

For problems w/ yourself, if it’s a spiritual problem, post in “spirituality” or problems involving family members here. Most other problems should go in misc. But since you’re already here, why not go ahead and post your question? We’ll be glad to help! 😃

God Bless!
JMJ_Pinoy
 
if it’s a habitual sin, then I have to warn you this senior member is mighty sick of hearing about it, please go to confession. If it is about divorce, annulment, NFP, secret fascination with the Tridentine Mass, or simply spiritual malaise, we got threads on all of these, have some fun with the ‘search threads’ function.
 
Hi RobMob83,

Welcome to the forums… this IS the right place, lucky you! Post whatever you want… even if it’s a repeat it’s new to you and lots of great folks would be happy to help you. God Bless you, CM 🙂
 
carol marie:
Hi RobMob83,

Welcome to the forums… this IS the right place, lucky you! Post whatever you want… even if it’s a repeat it’s new to you and lots of great folks would be happy to help you. God Bless you, CM 🙂
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AMEN! to what carol marie said above.

We welcome you and your problems here RobMob83 AS family, in this Family Life forum.

If you think it questionable to carry on your thread here … have you checked the “Stickys” at the beginning of the Family Life Forum threads to see what the Moderators say regarding this?

God Bless you 👋,

Joe
 
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RobMob83:
I know if I were a senior member I wouldn’t want to keep listening to people wine about their problems.
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Rob,
God bless you for coming here. We did not start as Senior Members. We all have problems. Though your problem may not be new to the forum, it is new to you and therefore requires no less attention than any other question here. We are NOT here just to answer questions, we are here to help each other. Please ask your questions, I don’t mind “cutting & pasting” answers if it helps you.
 
I feel pretty lost in life. I don’t know who I am, and I don’t know how to find out. I don’t know what I like and what I don’t like anymore. My friends all seem like I just met them yesturday and I’m always in confusion about their feelings. I feel like I have been lying to myself, my friends, and my family my whole life. I always tell them what they want to hear rather than my actual opinion. I’ve been so caught up in this that I don’t really have an opinion anymore. I have been mislead and taken advatage of a few times which in turn leads me to not trust anyone. I used to feel like I had something to hide but now it’s as though I don’t care anymore. I go out and do things I wouldn’t have ever thought of doing. I used to not be social at all and now I can go out dancing or make a complete fool of myself which in turn leaves me very confused. I’m not afraid of doing much but telling someone how I feel. I don’t know how I feel. People say that when you tell someone how you feel it’s supposed to make you feel better. I am never satisfied when I tell someone how I feel. I either have so much to tell or I have no idea what I am talking about. I talk to myself alot about meaningless situations that occured in the past. Most of the time it’s something that I screwed up and I end up hating myself for it. Sometimes it’s about things that I would say to someone I’m interested in. The only thing is, I’ve been doing this since before I can remember and it leads my mind to play tricks on me and make me think of things which aren’t true. I heard something the other day “Killing myself would send me to hell and that would be kind of redundant wouldn’t it”. I’m not saying that I have this conclusion but it’s sure depressing to think about. I don’t really have anyone to lift me up when I’m down. I haven’t had a phone call in about 2 weeks. I go to school and come home and study.
I have tried a few things to help with my situation. I do kinaesthetics and run at night after I get out of class. I have a road bike that I ride on weekends with a group for about 30-40 miles. I try to stay as busy as possible. When I catch me talking to myself I try to stop and start talking to God instead. I pray alot before I go to bed, I usually fall asleep to it. I play the guitar and sing, so I sometimes meditate on praise and worship music. I orginized everything in my apartment and then some. I started writing a journal to try and write out my emotions. I make a to do list every morning even though I only finish about half of it. I try to eat as healthy as possible. I have set life goals for myself hoping that maybe it’s the route God wanted me to take.
I look at this and wonder if I’m crazy, out of my mind. I sometimes think that I am. I really don’t know what’s going on in my head but I wish it would stop and stay focused on one thing instead of everything. I notice though when I busy I tend to not notice so much but when I’m static it makes me depressed. I know when I’m around people these moods come and go and I generally keep it to myself but if it’s to bad people begin to wonder - friends begin to wonder. They have never asked me about it but I can tell they sense something sometimes. I have never told anyone this in whole, although this is pretty summed up.
To tell you a little about myself, I’m 21 and I’m a full time student at a local college. I’m a member of the Air National Guard. I usually attend a bible study on Wednesdays, confession every Saturday, and church every Sunday. I’m also a member of the Knights of Columbus. I have been praying the rosary alot asking for guidence but I feel myself still sinking further into this whole.
I know this is quite long and probably pretty redundant but you said it was alright If I put it in this forum. I hope that I didn’t irritate anyone with this I know it’s a bit confusing. Thank you for your time and understanding!
 
Rob, as I was reading your post, I was thinking “He sounds like a young man at a crossroads.” Toward the bottom, when you mentioned that you are 21, I really got it. I was 21 once. It’s kind of like you are between young, have a good time young man, and the responsible man you are growing into.

Sometimes along our faith journey, God “purges” us of the things that aren’t good for us. Sometimes that’s outgrowing friends, or a job, or an activity that isn’t particularly beneficial to us. Sometimes these purges are very easy, and sometimes, losing our attachments to things, places & people is downright painful.

You probably feel that your friends couldn’t possibly handle the “deep” side of you, so you keep them at arm’s length. I know. I’ve done it. “Never let them see you sweat.” Feel free to let your true feelings be known here. There are so many supportive people, and it’ll be much easier because you can retain your anonymity and spill your guts. Don’t worry about the negative comment made above. No one forces anyone to open the threads. This is like a family here - we’re all a little different, there have been some “tiffs,” but we get over them.

Does your parish have perpetual adoration? If not, find one that does. It’ll change your life. Sometimes, I just head for the chapel and pour my heart out to Jesus. He hears. He listens. Listen back.

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Maybe you just need a break. It seems that you deal with the stress in a positive way, but maybe you’re just too busy.

In any event, hang in there, we’ll pray for you (and with you if you want), and this too shall pass.

God bless you!
Sue
 
God bless you my friend for having the courage to share. You words sound very familiar to me because my husband suffered from chronic depression for years (since his early teens) without it being recognized for what it was. So much of what you said was almost word for word with what my husband shared with me.

Please listen to me. Go to the Dr. Don’t keep suffering like this. My husband (relunctantly) went to counseling and began taking anti-deppresants. The change in him was remarkable. There were set backs, he had to change meds a few times and now he’s off them completely.

You have tried every which way on your own. It takes a very strong person to admit you need help, I believe you are strong enough to do it. You are not crazy and you are not alone. I have 2 dear friends who also struggle with depression. It’s much more common than you think - people just don’t talk about it.

Don’t wait, don’t put it off. I will keep you in my prayers. If you want to talk some more, keep talking. But please see a Dr.:blessyou:
 
It sounds like you don’t have a real firm notion of what your purpose in life is. What is your vocation? What are you studying? Is it your passion? Are you thrilled and excited about the idea of being able to work at it once you graduate? If not, maybe it’s not the right path for you. My brother is slightly older than you and he is in a similar place, although he is not Catholic so it is a bit harder for him to find guidance. He is looking for a change and is thinking about the Navy. Sometimes we have to search around for a long time to find out where we belong.

I would be leery of trying to diagnose clinical depression online, but if it is something you have wondered about, it can’t hurt to ask your doctor for a recommendation of a good psychiatrist. If after the first session you feel like the kinds of questions he is asking don’t apply to you, then maybe you’ll know whether or not medication is something you need to pursue.

I liked though the first response you received: that God is purging you of your attachments. Eventually we all learn that nothing is ultimately fulfilling besides God himself. Could it be that He is preparing you for something better than what you had planned? Not necessarily a religious life (although if it appeals it you, why not explore it?), but to serve him in a special and undistracted way even if just for a time. Keep your eyes open for possibilities to serve. Maybe one of them is meant for you.

Keep searching,
LeeAnn
 
Dear Robmob,
You sound like an amazing person. You do so much with your life and yet you are very unsatisfied. I agree that you need to see a good doctor. It sounds to me like you are depressed, but I’m not a professional and I can’t be sure. You just sound like such a special person, and I hope you go to a good doctor, not just any doctor, a good psychiatrist who really knows about meds. He or she can really help you. Keep us posted please and God bless.
 
It seems like what I remember about being 19. College didn’t work out for me because the people had much different values than I did. Couldn’t find a like minded soul. Just had a bunch of friends who were really concerned with themselves. I felt very left out. Left college but all of my old friends were off doing the college thing. Had zero social life because I just really didn’t fit in anywhere. Had a long distance boyfriend which was probably a good thing since he was pretty much concerned with himself too. It was pretty much me and my parents which, even though they are wonderful, was pretty depressing.

I, thanfully only had about 10 months of feeling completely lost. I got involved with pro-life activism and fell into a crowd that had the same values. They were only a few close to my age and I think I still felt a little on the outside but it was still great finding people fairly young with the same values. Eventually, more people my age started coming into the group. I really wanted to know what to do with my life and I was saying the 54 day novena to figure out what I should do with my life. At the end of the petition part, via a friend of a friend, I was introduced to my future husband. Everything fell into place perfectly after that and I felt like I was where I should be. I had found my life’s plan.

I think everybody needs a purpose, plan, for their life. For some this pops right out at them and for some it doesn’t. Feeling desolate is very hard but it’s probably just temporary.

Ignatius Press had an interesting book you might want to look into. It’s called Life Work ignatius.com/ViewProduct.aspx?SID=1&Product_ID=827&Category_ID=140&SKU=LFYP-P&

I know some people who have raved about this book giving them direction in life. Wish I had had it when I was 19. Might have shortened the agony :o

You might want to look into the medical if you really feel this might be a metabolic thing. You can take more than one path to try and solve your problem!

Will pray!
 
Dear Rob

Detroit Sue gave you the best explanation I have heard for what you may be going through. Sometime ago (not long ago and I am 33) , I went through a similar thing to yourself. Everything around me lost meaning, nothing interested me enough, though I remained active and positive still doing things and motivated (which is not a symptom of depression). I, like yourself thought there must be something ‘wrong’ with me. I saw my Dr who said I wasn’t depressed, I left feeling more confused than before I went to the doc’s.

I decided to pray more…(looking back it wasn’t me who decided, it was God pulling me this way) I read more and more about the faith, prayed more and more and soon realised, God was wanting me to withdraw abit from everyday things to spend time with Him , getting to know Him and my faith in a deeper sense. This didn’t mean I became a recluse! I still saw friends and kept my everyday activities going, but when I had the time eveyday and it was nice and quiet, I spent this time with God rather than flicking the TV on. I realised God was showing me I was too busy in my life and needed to slow down to see what life is really about and that God and His laws should come first. For sure, I was so busy I couldn’t see the woods for the trees, know what I mean.

Once I started to spend more time than previously with God, it turned my life around, in that I slowed down, grew in love of God, people and myself. My faith deepened as a result, I looked at my life and saw how disappointing spiritually it had been before this episode. I booked an appointment with my Priest and made the best confession of my life, it really was a life confession!!

I cannot say out of this period has manifested a complete life plan where I have it all mapped out ahead of me 100%, but it is gradually unfolding before me. I am now at the point where I am on the path of taking third orders. Though Rob this may not be the path for you and God, but God will show you for sure what your path is, if you ask Him.

Like Sue said, God purged me and still is doing that, some bits of it were painful mentally and spiritually, but the reward far out measures the difficult bits of it. God moves in the soul and recreates it at different stages in our journey in faith, the wisest thing I could have done was not to fight it, though I did as I wasn’t sure what was happening to me. If I had let God do his work I am sure it would not have been half as painful. Looking back I was a bit like an undisciplined child, I have learnt the need and vitalness of obedience and discipline, I have learnt trust in God, I have learnt the gravity of loving God and other human beings who are sacred, I have learnt to sin less all of this is by His grace and His alone and none of it is accountable to me. The list is endless of what I have learnt and gained and all because I gave God more time, doesn’t really add up the amount of gifts He has given me and the small thing I gave to Him (myself, love, heart, body, mind and soul and my time). If we allow it to happen God will come and teach your soul by the power of the Holy Spirit. Above all I know God’s love and have real peace and happiness, this is the greatest of these gifts.

I will keep you in my prayers and I am glad you have shared your experience with us. I shared it with no-one and kept it to myself, not sure at the time what was happening to me, this was very hard to do and I wouldn’t recommend anyone else do that, it’s better to talk about it. I took no spiritual direction, nor have I since had any of any depth, just some short bits of advice from my Priest. My best advice to you, is to not go through this alone, see your Priest and moreover during this period be very kind to yourself, getting plenty of sleep and trust God, He will only do what is good for you, though we do not always see that at the time.xxx

God bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
Dear RobMob83,

You said that you often say “what they want to hear” rather than be honest with friends. Is it, perhaps, that you perceive people don’t respond well to honesty? Often I find people ask things that they really don’t know an honest answer, or at least it seems like they don’t because if I give them my honest opinion they get upset. It has taken me some time to learn how to balance being honest with saying things in a way that will not upset people with not saying things at all.

You reflect on the past a lot. I’m sure people have told you that you need to “get over it” or “learn to live in the present.” That is wonderful advice, but to someone of above average intelligence who is trying to do the Right Thing (and you come across that way) then you really can’t let go of the past until you have analyzed it sufficiently that you know what went wrong and how it could be prevented in the future. Sometimes this process is hindered if you just “spin” around and keep replaying the same scenes with a different outcome, wishing we could turn the clock back, so I’m not saying all that is healthy.

Do people ever tell you that you are “too intellectual” or you have to quit trying to figure out things so much? If so, does it make you want to cry, smack them in the mouth, roll your eyes, or wish you were able to “shut off your mind?” (none of the above is certainly an acceptable answer.)

Based on what you have written and what others have written so far, I have to believe the Holy Spirit led you to this point on the forum. You will undoubtedly get conflicting advice here, so take that as a smorgasbord of possible solutions rather than yet another conflict you have to resolve.

I’d also like to hear more about your trying to find meaning in life, and what you mean by not caring. For example, do you not care to impose your will on others, so you find it hard to make a decision that involves others? Do you not wish to impose your will on others because you know it will not please all – and worse yet they’ll go along with it instead of telling you they don’t like it? Are you successful in school and doing well? What do you think about your teachers, and they about you?

Alan
 
Man, your story brought it all back like a tidal wave, for me it was the year I turned 19 on the day Martin Luther King Jr. was shot, the day I grew up. I need to pray, like right NOW, and I will be praying for you, in fact, we all will

Now, you are on a campus that has counsellors, see one fast, they have tons of experience with people at your stage in life going through these things. when you hear a message that contradicts your faith, you are well grounded enough to disregard it. Insist that your counsellor respect your faith or find another one. If meds are a temporary help for you, as they have been for many of us, make sure they are legal, temporary, and taken as prescribed.

None of this is your fault, it happens, and as with all confusion, depression, even sin, God can turn it into good and a pathway to Him through his Son, if you ask him to.

The other thing that is critical, besides Mass and prayer which you are already doing, is frequent confession. You do know, I hope, that healing comes through the Eucharist and confession through through the merits of Jesus Christ, his gifts to us.
 
Wow! I had no idea that I would get this much feedback. I want to thank all of you for putting in a little of your time to help me out. It’s so great to know that there are actually people out there that will listen to you. Don’t worry I haven’t given up on mankind just yet.
Based on what you have written and what others have written so far, I have to believe the Holy Spirit led you to this point on the forum. You will undoubtedly get conflicting advice here, so take that as a smorgasbord of possible solutions rather than yet another conflict you have to resolve.
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I agree with this and I will try to do my best in understanding the varies amounts of different opinions. It almost makes me feel like Marla off of “Fight Club”. Feeling emotionally and spiritually empty while finding comfort in support groups. A way to relieve various frustrations while feeling guilty at the same time. I know I mentioned before that I don’t know how I really feel. So it makes it difficult to reave my emotions and explain them to anyone to get full benefit of whats happening. How to be true when you don’t know what the truth is?
I believe in the Holy Spirit and I also trust in him. I believe that he will lead me out of this mess when he feels that it’s the right time. I think this is his way of trying to tell me something yet I’m to blind to see it at this moment. I will continue to pray for guidance and hopefully he will relieve me of this confusion soon.
 
God bless you Rob!

I think you must be on the brink of having a great life ahead of you. You sound like someone who is a good friend.
I am 42 - twice your age! 😛 But I remember 21 like it was yesterday,… and I remember felling the same way. Stuck between two worlds.
I feel like God is watching you, waiting, and sending you graces - even though you may not FEEL anything… believe it is there. Ask for the graces to cooperate, and to accept the graces given while you walk through this desert.

The one thing that came to mind while I read your post is… “Here is a young man who is following God… and God is trying to help him discern his vocation in life.”

Good luck to you Rob in finding your path, and your vocation in life.
 
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