Is venting about a boss or co-worker considered gossip

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Hi all,

There is a particular person that me and a few others work with that bascially drives us nuts with the way he operates and works with others. We vent a lot about this person, but it is nothing that we do not know already. I should probably just shut my trap and just keep my head down and work, but sometimes I just find myself getting angry about how he interacts and does things.

Is this type of discussion that we have between each other considered gossip? My intent is to vent and not tarnish his character (especially since the people I vent to are usually privy to the situation). I simply speak what is bothering me and what this person’s actions (or inactions) and express how frustrating it is (again, most people agree and are aware of this).

Any thoughts are appreciated.
 
I would be careful as often this type of conversation ends up winding people up amd making them see the person and anything they do in a negative way, regardless of how things really are.

I think we all need someone to share our thoughts and frustrations with and I certainly understand that need to to say ‘I can’t believe what x just did’ or ‘he’s driving me mad’, but I would choose my listener carefully and try not to ‘feed’ the feelings.

I also thin that it is dangerous to engage in that kind of conversation at work as it often spreads and can make for a very unpleasant working environment. If you can, and I struggle too!, take it to God and talk about your feelings to him. Now He is a good listener and never, ever spreads stuff around!

God Bless
 
gs013564 said:
Hi all,

There is a particular person that me and a few others work with that bascially drives us nuts with the way he operates and works with others. We vent a lot about this person, but it is nothing that we do not know already. I should probably just shut my trap and just keep my head down and work, but sometimes I just find myself getting angry about how he interacts and does things.

Is this type of discussion that we have between each other considered gossip? My intent is to vent and not tarnish his character (especially since the people I vent to are usually privy to the situation). I simply speak what is bothering me and what this person’s actions (or inactions) and express how frustrating it is (again, most people agree and are aware of this).

Any thoughts are appreciated.
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My opinion…

Complaining about someone’s habits that impact your ability to focus on work is not gossip… it’s venting. The question at that point is, if it bothers you that much is it something they shouldn’t be doing and have you discussed it with the proper person?

Gossip on the other hand is “I heard so n so and his wife are having issues whisper whisper”.

So if it’s just venting it may be ok but I would still be leery of who you discuss it with.
 
Fran65 said:
I would be careful as often this type of conversation ends up winding people up amd making them see the person and anything they do in a negative way, regardless of how things really are.

I think we all need someone to share our thoughts and frustrations with and I certainly understand that need to to say ‘I can’t believe what x just did’ or ‘he’s driving me mad’, but I would choose my listener carefully and try not to ‘feed’ the feelings.

I also thin that it is dangerous to engage in that kind of conversation at work as it often spreads and can make for a very unpleasant working environment. If you can, and I struggle too!, take it to God and talk about your feelings to him. Now He is a good listener and never, ever spreads stuff around!

God Bless
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I agree with everything you are saying. However, my question is whether or not this is considered a form of gossip. Would it be something that is morally wrong?
 
mdrummer5 said:
My opinion…

Complaining about someone’s habits that impact your ability to focus on work is not gossip… it’s venting. The question at that point is, if it bothers you that much is it something they shouldn’t be doing and have you discussed it with the proper person?

Gossip on the other hand is “I heard so n so and his wife are having issues whisper whisper”.

So if it’s just venting it may be ok but I would still be leery of who you discuss it with.
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Well, unfortunately, I’m not in a position to address this with someone that could make a difference. My gut is that it really is venting, but probably need to just keep it to a minimum and be prudent about who I vent to.
 
If you are feeling a bit unsure about it, I recommend bringing it up to your priest next time in Confession. He should be able to talk you through the moral implications.

I understand the need to vent, and I think there are appropriate times and places to do so, but we cannot simply say whatever we want whenever we want in the name of “venting” and get a free pass.

I frequently return to this paragraph in the Catechism for my own reflection:

2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury. He becomes guilty:
  • of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;
  • of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;
  • of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.
From what you describe, your comments may not fall into any of these three categories (which is good), but it can certainly be a fine line in some respects. Do I exaggerate the person’s faults a little too much to gain sympathy? Am I certain that the people I am talking to know all of the faults that I am disclosing? These are the types of questions I think it is good to ask ourselves in these types of situations.

And, of course, my first recommendation to talk to your priest about it is the best course of action, I think. 🙂
 
Joe_5859 said:
If you are feeling a bit unsure about it, I recommend bringing it up to your priest next time in Confession. He should be able to talk you through the moral implications.

I understand the need to vent, and I think there are appropriate times and places to do so, but we cannot simply say whatever we want whenever we want in the name of “venting” and get a free pass.

I frequently return to this paragraph in the Catechism for my own reflection:

2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury. He becomes guilty:
  • of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;
  • of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;
  • of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.
From what you describe, your comments may not fall into any of these three categories (which is good), but it can certainly be a fine line in some respects. Do I exaggerate the person’s faults a little too much to gain sympathy? Am I certain that the people I am talking to know all of the faults that I am disclosing? These are the types of questions I think it is good to ask ourselves in these types of situations.

And, of course, my first recommendation to talk to your priest about it is the best course of action, I think. 🙂
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Thanks Joe. I already was planning on just quickly explaining the situation with my priest when I go to confession. I heartily agree with you on the points you bring up, but I’m fairly confident that the people I have been venting to are fully aware of what I am talking about. If there is any fault on my part, then it is very minimal based on my knowledge of the situation.

I did read that part of the catechism you posted and the closest my actions come to would be a sin of detraction. However, like I mentioned, they are fully aware and I’m not really informing them of anything new about the way this person behaves. Also, sometimes I do have a valid reason in that they actually need to know what this person did since it effects how we need to handle a particular situation.

However, I think I do need to work on not complaining. Better to not open my mouth unless it’s for a good reason. 😃
 
I would simply take the issue you have to a higher authority. You have rights as a worker, but often words alone to another will get little done. Gossip is usually generated by a single sentence to one, which being convoluted into an entirely different story, ends up becoming a full blown problem for everyone. Gossip is much different than just simple venting. Venting is complaining, which the Saints would consider as a fault, as it forgets humility in it’s wake and we can often say things we don’t really mean. Words are powerful arrows, but only we can control the crossbow triggers of our tongues.

In the meantime take more a spiritual stance on the problem. In the long run, it would be better to imitate Our Lord and remain silent and take the stripes, as it is really pointless to attempt to rant to another about it. In venting our opinions to others, about others, we open ourselves up to creating more problems if those we speak to may not be as scrupulous with such information as they should be.

As humans, we can tend to be passionate in our speaking and actions. The whole act and value of humility is lost in possibly losing control. I believe it is a problem we all face (I know I do a great deal) but if we are conscious of it, that humility will always get much more done to solve the problem than a million harsh words spoken in the heat of the moment.A method I always try to employ when I feel I am being persecuted (or may really be) is to think upon all that Our Lord endured, and you will soon find that your problems are really nothing. Don’t forget the value of persecution here, as it should always be offered up as redemptive suffering.
 
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