Is your SD your confessor?

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I’ve read here how a priest is preferred (by some) to be one’s spiritual director.

I also read Fr. Grondin’s AAA answer regarding one’s confessor shouldn’t be one’s SD:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=898108

So…is your SD a priest?
If so, is he your confessor?
And if he is, how have you established boundaries between the two roles?
 
Miserissima said:
I’ve read here how a priest is preferred (by some) to be one’s spiritual director.

I also read Fr. Grondin’s AAA answer regarding one’s confessor shouldn’t be one’s SD:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=898108

So…is your SD a priest?
If so, is he your confessor?
And if he is, how have you established boundaries between the two roles?
Click to expand...
My SD and confessor are one and the same person (a priest). I hadn’t really realised there might be a conflict of interest or potential problems about what he can say to me and how he can use knowledge that I have confessed to him 🤷

That said, I am very open with my SD/confessor both inside and outside of the sacrament of Penance (it’s rare that I go to the confessional for my confessions, as I find that very daunting, being mentally ill and having problems with churches due to my psychosis). I can’t think of anything that I have said to him as a confession that I haven’t talked about with him in great and honest detail, outside of confession. So maybe there is no problem in my case?!

I’m confused now as to how I should move forward. Tbh I am inclined to just stick with the arrangement I’ve got going, since it’s done me the world of good thus far… :o
 
For the most part (about 75-80% of the time) my SD is also my confessor.

We have not had any “boundary” problems.

He’s been doing this for an awfully long time; and I am a licensed professional where confidentiality and keeping boundaries is also required, so we haven’t had any problems.

I confess to other priests when my SD is not available (ex: out of town, vacation, etc), or if I have a time conflict with the scheduled confession time on Saturdays at 5:00 pm, I will go across town to another parish that has confession at 3:00 pm instead.
 
Like the others have said, my spiritual director and confessor are the same person. I don’t know how things are from his point of view – maybe he has a difficult time separating the two roles but he has never given any indication of that. From my point of view there’s a lot of benefit to confessing to someone who knows me so well. He sees connections in my life that I don’t see on my own and his penances are always on target because he knows what’s meaningful to me.
 
Justicia_et_Pax said:
My SD and confessor are one and the same person (a priest). I hadn’t really realised there might be a conflict of interest or potential problems about what he can say to me and how he can use knowledge that I have confessed to him 🤷

That said, I am very open with my SD/confessor both inside and outside of the sacrament of Penance (it’s rare that I go to the confessional for my confessions, as I find that very daunting, being mentally ill and having problems with churches due to my psychosis). I can’t think of anything that I have said to him as a confession that I haven’t talked about with him in great and honest detail, outside of confession. So maybe there is no problem in my case?!

I’m confused now as to how I should move forward. Tbh I am inclined to just stick with the arrangement I’ve got going, since it’s done me the world of good thus far… :o
Click to expand...
Peace and All Good!

This has also been my experience. I’ve only been meeting with my Spiritual Director/Confessor for a relatively short time, having just moved into a new area but so far there haven’t been any difficulties in this regard.

I’m also a very open person so I usually wind up repeating things from my Confession pretty quickly in Spiritual Direction, particularly if there’s been something that I’ve been struggling with especially.

So far it seems to be working out fine & God Willing it will continue like this
 
No, mine are different. I would get really confused and uncomfortable about the boundaries, as you said.
BUT, there are times when my confessor gives me advice and I do take mental notes. They do come up in SD. Most of the time, they are exactly what I needed to hear and be doing.

I also use the screen just because I like being anonymous and also closing my eyes and imagining Christ there instead of the priest.
 
Mine are different. No issues.
I have always felt that asking my confessor to be my SP would be a burden.
Since I work for a priest, I can’t have him as my confessor, so that makes 3 people I can go to if needed. HA! Two priests and a lay Spiritual Director.
 
Though I don’t currently have an SD, my last SD was also my confessor. I ended the arrangement due to a number of problems. Confusion between confession and direction wasn’t one of them. We were fine on that.

I have a number of priests I confess to and to whom I can go for the occasional spiritual question, but the search for a new SD continues. If this person ends up being another priest, I would consider having him as my confessor as well but I would not insist upon it.
 
When I had a spiritual director (I’m currently between SD’s) he was a priest in my parish. We never know which priest is going to be hearing confessions in our church on any given day so sometimes he was my confessor, sometimes not. It was never a problem.
 
Miserissima said:
I’ve read here how a priest is preferred (by some) to be one’s spiritual director.

I also read Fr. Grondin’s AAA answer regarding one’s confessor shouldn’t be one’s SD:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=898108

So…is your SD a priest?
If so, is he your confessor?
And if he is, how have you established boundaries between the two roles?
Click to expand...
Hi Miserissima,

What an excellent question!

My previous SD was also my confessor. My new SD is not really my confessor and I don’t yet have a new one.

With my previous SD, he would always allot time at the end to hear my Confession. My new SD didn’t really do that, and I just “went with the flow” so to speak.

I have to say - I’m not so sure about the need to separate a regular confessor from a spiritual director, but I do see the need to have both. They serve similar, but still different roles and you need both in your life.

Questions like “Is this my vocation?” Or “I feel called to do this” aren’t really appropriate for Confession, and you can’t spend an entire meeting with a spiritual director hearing a confession. So I see a need to separate the time spent on one or the other, but I wouldn’t say they necessarily need to be a different person.

In any case, just my take on it. Hope that helps!
 
Peace and all Good!

Now that I think about it, my previous SD did say he would prefer that he not be my Confessor, except in cases of urgency.

He didn’t give a reason for his preference and I never thought much about it but this may have been the reason
 
I just realized that I didn’t answer my own question!

My own (current) SD is a Deacon. Before him, there was my Confirmation sponsor. I’ve been to my confessor for spiritual direction…rather, I should say that I’ve been to my pastor, as I don’t have a regular confessor (I go according to my schedule and location, outside of what my Latin and Eastern Mission parishes offer).
 
I find it very helpful to have my spiritual director my confessor also. And I like to end with a confession at the end of my meetings too. But this is something I can’t seem to find an answer to… Do I pay a priest for SD? As I would let’s say a nun who is registered as a spiritual director in the diocese.
 
The Deacon at our parish (who is kind of a spiritual director to me, in addition to a priest at a neighbouring parish) recommended keeping the two separate so that concern over sin didn’t enter into spiritual direction. He thought having a priest as one and the same could confuse admonition about sin and direction.
 
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