Issues with a friends husband

[EasterJoy]

Yes, I do ! Suggestion on how not to fold wihtout blowing my lid are welcome

You stop short, look him in the eye and say, “When I said I didn’t want to talk about it, I really meant I do not want to talk about it.” When he keeps it up, you might say, “Excuse me, but do I need to leave?”

Eventually, you have to enforce the boundary. Yes, that might mean saying, “Excuse me, Mary, excuse me, Don, but I really did mean I wasn’t going to talk about this. I’m going to be going now.” You don’t have to be in a huff. You just say, “Really, when I say ‘no,’ I really do mean ‘no.’ We’ll have to try again another time.”

There aren’t that many married people who expect the entire world to accommodate their spouses the same way they do. They may even welcome someone who helps buttress their case when they try to convince their spouse to change behaviors with the rest of the world.

If your friend defends her husband, though, you can say, “This isn’t about who is right or who is wrong. Someone else might welcome his advice. I don’t, though. I let him know that, and he would not respect me on that point. Well, what else would someone do? Either you teach people to respect you by enforcing your own rules or you get no respect. If he wants to look at it as ‘agreeing to disagree,’ then I’m disagreeing by going elsewhere to find a different conversation. Maybe on another day we’ll find a topic of conversation we both welcome. It wasn’t happening today, though.”

 

[Anglewannabe]

To give an update, my friend ended up calling me. She asked me to come over for coffee as if nothing happened. I asked if we could clear the air. And she basically said her husband was baffled because he genuinly though he was helping me.

So… I guess this means I just have to accept that we see things differently and do a better job at enforcing the boundaries.

I did go over for coffee and we had a good time. Then, today, I took the lady to mass. We like to go mid week every now and then.

So, things are like nothing happened. I am actually gratefull because they seem to have a forgiving attitude and don’t want to make a big deal out of this.

So again, I just really need to learn to keep my boundary and if ever he complains about work find a way to politely steer the conversation to something else

Thanks for everyone’s support

Angie

 

[EasterJoy]

To give an update, my friend ended up calling me. She asked me to come over for coffee as if nothing happened. I asked if we could clear the air. And she basically said her husband was baffled because he genuinly though he was helping me.

So… I guess this means I just have to accept that we see things differently and do a better job at enforcing the boundaries.

I did go over for coffee and we had a good time. Then, today, I took the lady to mass. We like to go mid week every now and then.

So, things are like nothing happened. I am actually gratefull because they seem to have a forgiving attitude and don’t want to make a big deal out of this.

So again, I just really need to learn to keep my boundary and if ever he complains about work find a way to politely steer the conversation to something else

Thanks for everyone’s support

Angie

Forgiving attitude? You tried to tell him you didn’t want his advice and he ran right over your objection. I’m guessing that they think you’re the one with the easy-going attitude.

I think you’re right that it is better if you can just let it go and chalk it up to being unfamiliar with each other’s communication styles. When you want him to stop, you need to be very firm. They seem OK with that. As I think other posters have noted, this can be done with a bit of humor thrown in, when you’re with friends. It probably isn’t the first time he’s heard that he needs to take “no” for an answer, even though he may feel it is a pity to let all his wisdom go to waste.

(Maybe he needs to go online and find someone asking for advice, LOL? )