T
tinamn
Guest
I keep waiting for life to “settle down” a bit, but it never really seems to do that and I suppose never will! I believe the last time I updated I had just found out that my husband had been making threats to kill my mother, so we went ahead and pushed forward with the order for protection. That went into place, the kids were removed from it and a temporary agreement signed by both of us for how the parenting time would work (supervised visits 2x a week, 1 FaceTime call per week, and he would be allowed to attend special events like recitals, plays etc). As part of that agreement, he was to remain sober (as determined by a 3x daily monitoring breathylizer system).
His sobriety was maintained for about 3 weeks - he was pretty much on schedule and I had told my attorney when to expect that things would head south - I was right on with the day even. Without going into all the details, this started off a series of skipping visits with the kids, repeated visits to detox, and an eventual decision to go back to (name removed by moderator)atient treatment (and a DUI about 20 min from the treatment center on his way there). Kicked out of treatment, several more episodes of binge drinking followed by detox, loss of his job, and a return to treatment at a new facility. On Sunday he was supposed to be able to visit the kids a few towns away from his treatment facility and talked up the visit to the kids, but did not show. Not sure if he made it back to treatment or not; never received any word as to why he missed or an apology (we had to drive 50 minutes to get there, only to be told he was not there).
In the meantime, my company was bought out and I got a promotion with a significant raise, so financially I am able to just make ends meet without any support from him. The kids are doing great, despite a rough patch with my daughter who has ulcerative colitis (3 separate hospital visits within 4 weeks, but we are back on track). Besides being generally overwhelmed with being a single parent of 4 children (one with a serious medical issue), working full time, and trying to maintain a household, in general things are actually pretty decent. The ups and downs have been much more manageable without the emotional and mental strain of dealing with an alcoholic. I am no closer to the divorce being final (every time we have a hearing, he checks himself into treatment or detox), but it is what it is.
My main struggle at this point is helping my two oldest understand that daddy is not coming back, without giving them more information than they need about the overall situation. I went to great lengths to protect them from most of what he did, so in their minds there was nothing bad about the time before he left. I am working with a counselor, but I do not feel like I have been making any progress with the kids unfortunately. I am not sure they are old enough to go to a counselor themselves for something like this, but I think my oldest (7) is probably getting close. In the meantime I just try to deal with those conversations as they come up.
His sobriety was maintained for about 3 weeks - he was pretty much on schedule and I had told my attorney when to expect that things would head south - I was right on with the day even. Without going into all the details, this started off a series of skipping visits with the kids, repeated visits to detox, and an eventual decision to go back to (name removed by moderator)atient treatment (and a DUI about 20 min from the treatment center on his way there). Kicked out of treatment, several more episodes of binge drinking followed by detox, loss of his job, and a return to treatment at a new facility. On Sunday he was supposed to be able to visit the kids a few towns away from his treatment facility and talked up the visit to the kids, but did not show. Not sure if he made it back to treatment or not; never received any word as to why he missed or an apology (we had to drive 50 minutes to get there, only to be told he was not there).
In the meantime, my company was bought out and I got a promotion with a significant raise, so financially I am able to just make ends meet without any support from him. The kids are doing great, despite a rough patch with my daughter who has ulcerative colitis (3 separate hospital visits within 4 weeks, but we are back on track). Besides being generally overwhelmed with being a single parent of 4 children (one with a serious medical issue), working full time, and trying to maintain a household, in general things are actually pretty decent. The ups and downs have been much more manageable without the emotional and mental strain of dealing with an alcoholic. I am no closer to the divorce being final (every time we have a hearing, he checks himself into treatment or detox), but it is what it is.
My main struggle at this point is helping my two oldest understand that daddy is not coming back, without giving them more information than they need about the overall situation. I went to great lengths to protect them from most of what he did, so in their minds there was nothing bad about the time before he left. I am working with a counselor, but I do not feel like I have been making any progress with the kids unfortunately. I am not sure they are old enough to go to a counselor themselves for something like this, but I think my oldest (7) is probably getting close. In the meantime I just try to deal with those conversations as they come up.
It sounds like things are going well for you and I hope it continues. The kids are young now, but they will soon figure out what’s up with Dad and make their decisions on how to deal with it. 