It's been how many years?!

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Rose71

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As a child and a young teen, I attended Confession with my family every fortnight and confessed all the usual childish sins (nothing vaguely mortal!)

As an older teen, the message from my church was that the Service or Reconcilliation was an acceptible substitute once a year , where everyone took turns in coming to the priest (like Communion) and saying ‘I am sorry for my sins, especially X’ and then they received absolution.

Lately, I’ve been thinking that I would really like to go to proper Confession again, because I just feel so bitter and angry about a lot of what I see going on in the world and I don’t think it would do me any harm to put myself on the line and confess to God everything I get up to - before I get really carried away meditating on the faults of others :rolleyes: just to remind myself that I’m a sinner too!

I can’t even remember the date I last went. I know it’s between 20 and 25 years. As an adult, do I just confess the mortal sins? (😃 don’t panic - I haven’t killed anyone) Do I confess anything that is troubling me because I’m not happy with my behaviour?

What if I’m not sure whether something is a sin at all? What if after examining my conscience, I really can’t find any reason to feel guilty about it?

Another question: when I was a nipper, the priest used to be behind a screen so we had no idea who we were talking to! I know its cowardly, but I’d feel really uncomfortable confessing actually face to face with my Parish Priest. Is it acceptable to go to confession in a different parish?

I know this is making me sound really bad - but I’m trying to do the right thing now. The main reason is I’ve seen the misery inflicted on my family by my brother’s marriage to a lady who is lazy, conceited and manipulative. I try to be warm towards her, but she is unfailingly rude and her behaviour causes so much hurt to my parents. I feel awful about judging her, but to me she represents the dangers of marrying without a chaste courtship or requiring one’s spouse to at least have an appreciation of your faith. I know this is a sin because my attitude is undermining the sacramenet of marriage, since they were married in a Catholic ceremony and so it is a valid marriage until proven otherwise. But - by supporting it and maintining the status quo, I am allowing the misery in my family, espeically for my parents and brother, to continue and their child to be neglected horribly.

So,sometimes I slip because when my father and I get together, he lets of steam about how much he dislikes his DiL and what a lazy, selfish person he thinks she is; how he feels so desperate for his son and for the future of his grandson etc. I hate to see my father so distressed - but it’s hard sometimes to find the line between empathy and just joining in the D-i-L bashing.

The whole experience has put me right off marriage, unless I can find a proper, practicing Catholic who can accept me and my family. There is someone I have met recently, who I am very good friends with and we have seen quite a bit of one another recently, but never really alone (apart from him driving me home one evening) He is a Catholic and a lovely person - but I want to go into this fully armed, so to speak, knowing that my faith is strong and my judgement nowhere near as mixed up as it is now!

So, would confession help? What else can I do to help me get everything in perspective?!
 
Dear Rose, yes Confession will help, and will make you feel so light and happy.
It is okay if you go to a priest you don’t know, but please know that the priest has only reason to be delighted to see your return.
Don’t imagine he will think badly of you. You can be sure he’s heard a lot worse! But it isn’t his place or intention to judge. He is present in the Sacrament in the Person of Christ.

Our feelings aren’t always an indication of whether or not we sin. We can become inured to sin.
However to understand sin better, this page in the Catechism of the Catholic Church can help to inform our consciences:

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a8.htm

The Catechism teaches:

Venial sin allows charity to subsist, even though it offends and wounds it.

Regarding mortal sin

1855 Mortal sin destroys charity in the heart of man by a grave violation of God’s law; it turns man away from God, who is his ultimate end and his beatitude, by preferring an inferior good to him.

1856 Mortal sin, by attacking the vital principle within us - that is, charity - necessitates a new initiative of God’s mercy and a conversion of heart which is normally accomplished within the setting of the sacrament of reconciliation:…
1857 For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: "Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent."131
1859 Mortal sin requires full knowledge and complete consent. It presupposes knowledge of the sinful character of the act, of its opposition to God’s law. It also implies a consent sufficiently deliberate to be a personal choice. Feigned ignorance and hardness of heart133 do not diminish, but rather increase, the voluntary character of a sin.

1860 Unintentional ignorance can diminish or even remove the imputability of a grave offense. But no one is deemed to be ignorant of the principles of the moral law, which are written in the conscience of every man. The promptings of feelings and passions can also diminish the voluntary and free character of the offense, as can external pressures or pathological disorders. Sin committed through malice, by deliberate choice of evil, is the gravest."
**
From the Catechism regarding Confession **:
scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c2a4.htm

You are very welcome here in CAF, Rose.
And I’m delighted that God is leading you back to the Sacraments.

Rose if you don’t know times or dates or other specifics that you don’t recall, just do the best you can, and regarding sins and frequency…you can only remember what you can remember. Just tell the priest you’re unsure, and he will guide you.
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My prayers for you, for your dad, and your brother and his family.

Warmly, Trishie
 
My recommendation is to follow the link of the above poster and think about what it says for a while. It is good to sit down with a pen and paper since you haven’t confessed in a long time, as I’m confident that what is said within that link will start bringing to mind a lot of sins you have committed since your last confession.

A lot of things happened in the wake of Vatican II that shouldn’t have happened. You mention the time where you would go up to a priest and say that you are sorry for your sins, upon which he would absolve you right there. Unfortunately, that was done at a time of huge confusion in the Church (as I’m sure you can remember!), and we have since realized our mistakes. It was wrong, but you can’t be blamed for it. Thankfully, these kinds of abuses are getting rarer and rarer.

It is part of Canon Law that all confessionals have a screen for those wishing to confess anonymously. It has been my experience that sometimes churches do have this screen, and other churches do not. I do not like confessing face to face. Fortunately, my church does have screens. You can call your church and ask if they have screens available for those who wish to use them, and if not, you can call other churches. Remember that no one will know who you are over the phone, or at least they shouldn’t.

You are not absolutely required to confess venial sins, although you absolutely must confess mortal sins in kind AND in number. Again, mortal sins must be confessed in kind AND in number. If you cannot remember an exact number, you should estimate as best you can. However, it is still good to confess venial sins, as it gives the priest more material to work with when he counsels you.
 
🙂 Thank you so much for your replies. I’m going to give it a go!
 
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