IUD or Condom if medically necessary-is it ok?

[niklindsey4]

hello there-I am a SAHM to two toddler boys (12 mo apart). Both pregnancies were induced 3 weeks early due to hypertension. I have kept my bp under control with the help of medication…however, recently I had a miscarriage (only about 8wks along) doc believes due to bp meds. In addition to bp meds I take a stimulant for ADHD (equally as potent to a fetus). Getting pregnant again would effect my health physically & mentally right now.
FYI: when debating birth control—I truly believe it is appropriate when medically necessary or other reasons that aren’t selfish.

I need some assistance…my hubby is completely against me getting the IUD or using a condom, but I am truly very frightened that I will end up pregnant again.

btw, attended NFP classes-not something I am comfortable with, as I have a very un-regular menstrual.

THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR HELP & SUPPORT-I greatly need it!!

 

[1ke]

Contraception is **always **morally wrong and can never be a moral choice.

That is not the answer you want to hear, I know, but it’s the only one that is true and therefore the only one that I can give.

Furthermore, the IUD is not merely a “contraceptive” but rather is an abortifacient.

Your option for spacing/postponing a pregnancy is abstinence-- whether periodic through observation of fertility signs or total.

You wrote: FYI: when debating birth control—I truly believe it is appropriate when medically necessary or other reasons that aren’t selfish.

FYI: The Church does not teach that “birth control” is wrong when it is necessary to postpone a pregnancy. The Church does teach that there are moral and immoral means of postponing a pregnancy and contraception is always immoral while abstaining is not.

On what do you base your belief that contraception is morally acceptable?

Additionally, an “irregular” menstral cycle is not a barrier to learning and using NFP. NFP is not based on averages but on actual observation of fertility signs.

 

[LilyM]

Contraception is **always **morally wrong and can never be a moral choice.

That is not the answer you want to hear, I know, but it’s the only one that is true and therefore the only one that I can give.

Furthermore, the IUD is not merely a “contraceptive” but rather is an abortifacient.

Your option for spacing/postponing a pregnancy is abstinence-- whether periodic through observation of fertility signs or total.

You wrote: FYI: when debating birth control—I truly believe it is appropriate when medically necessary or other reasons that aren’t selfish.

FYI: The Church does not teach that “birth control” is wrong when it is necessary to postpone a pregnancy. The Church does teach that there are moral and immoral means of postponing a pregnancy and contraception is always immoral while abstaining is not.

On what do you base your belief that contraception is morally acceptable?

Additionally, an “irregular” menstral cycle is not a barrier to learning and using NFP. NFP is not based on averages but on actual observation of fertility signs.

We need to distinguish between birth control (spacing out or avoidance of pregnancies) which in and of itself is not always wrong, and ARTIFICIAL birth control (pills, surgeries or devices used for the purpose of avoiding pregnancy), which are always and in every circumstance morally wrong.

NFP methods are extremely sophisticated, depending on which method you use (perhaps you need to look into others than the method you’ve been taught?).

In addition there are ‘ovulation’ tests, which work in the same way as pregnancy tests, that can help you to determine your fertile times. So irregular cycles may not be as much of a problem as you think.

Try to get in touch with the people at the Paul VI Institute, or locate a doctor in your area who specialises in natural birth control methods, if possible.

It may help you to know that my older sister, a doctor and not a practicing Catholic, used natural birth control methods very successfully for ten years. Not due to religious convictions, but because of the horrific side effects (and failure rates every bit as high as NFP) of most artificial methods.

 

[niklindsey4]

Contraception is **always **morally wrong and can never be a moral choice.

That is not the answer you want to hear, I know, but it’s the only one that is true and therefore the only one that I can give.

Furthermore, the IUD is not merely a “contraceptive” but rather is an abortifacient.

Your option for spacing/postponing a pregnancy is abstinence-- whether periodic through observation of fertility signs or total.

You wrote: FYI: when debating birth control—I truly believe it is appropriate when medically necessary or other reasons that aren’t selfish.

FYI: The Church does not teach that “birth control” is wrong when it is necessary to postpone a pregnancy. The Church does teach that there are moral and immoral means of postponing a pregnancy and contraception is always immoral while abstaining is not.

On what do you base your belief that contraception is morally acceptable?

Additionally, an “irregular” menstral cycle is not a barrier to learning and using NFP. NFP is not based on averages but on actual observation of fertility signs.

I don’t think that would be very good for our marriage-abstaining completely!! We are young and fairly newly married (well, 3 years, but…) We are 26 years and have been together since high school and have been having sex since as well. We realized through our pre-marital counseling that abstaining during our engagement was the right thing to do (and for the most part we did), but now, being married and living very busy lives-it seems that sex is very important for us in order to keep oursleves connected emotionally and essentially keeping us closer-we are better parents!

Scary about the IUD (thank you for informing)…is a condom something that can be used until we fully understand NFP. (I read some other posts and saw there may be some hope with other NFP methods.) It has already been a good 3 weeks or so and we have a vacation coming up this saturday and I don’t want our lack of sex to effect the time we have together. There is no way to fully understand and begin to successfully practice NFP before our trip!

 

[1ke]

I don’t think that would be very good for our marriage-abstaining completely!! We are young and fairly newly married (well, 3 years, but…) We are 26 years and have been together since high school and have been having sex since as well. We realized through our pre-marital counseling that abstaining during our engagement was the right thing to do (and for the most part we did), but now, being married and living very busy lives-it seems that sex is very important for us in order to keep oursleves connected emotionally and essentially keeping us closer-we are better parents!

It seems that the idea of chastity-- before and during marriage-- is not something you two contemplated or cultivated. I highly recommend that you read up on what the Church teaches about self-mastery. EVERY Christian is called to chastity appropriate to his/her state of life.

Perhaps God is giving you this opportunity to learn about chastity and how self-mastery in the area of sexuality is very important to living a Christian life. Cultivating the cardinal virtues will help you grow in holiness.

One does not have to abstain completely-- one can use natural family planning to observe fertility signs and decide when to abstain and when not to.

Scary about the IUD (thank you for informing)…is a condom something that can be used until we fully understand NFP.

No.

NFP instructions indicate you need to abstain while learning a method. Use that time as time for prayer and growing in holiness.

I don’t want our lack of sex to effect the time we have together.

If lack of sex for a couple of weeks has **that **big of an impact on the time you have together, you have bigger problems than just your medical issues. Sex is a very important part of marriage, but it is NOT the only aspect of marriage and should not be the only way the two of you can express your love or share intimcay.

Seriously, I’m not trying to be flip.

 

[LilyM]

I don’t think that would be very good for our marriage-abstaining completely!! We are young and fairly newly married (well, 3 years, but…) We are 26 years and have been together since high school and have been having sex since as well. We realized through our pre-marital counseling that abstaining during our engagement was the right thing to do (and for the most part we did), but now, being married and living very busy lives-it seems that sex is very important for us in order to keep oursleves connected emotionally and essentially keeping us closer-we are better parents!

In response to this - its not like you’re abstaining for no reason, your health is on the line! Surely if it were some other medical condition that made one or other of you incapable (if one of you became paralysed or something), or otherwise put sex out of the question, you’d abstain and stick with each other regardless? Didn’t you vow for sickness as well as health, and worse as well as better?

It would be a time to dig deep and rediscover the bonds that made you close during your engagement when you weren’t having sex.

 

[agapewolf]

but now, being married and living very busy lives-it seems that sex is very important for us in order to keep oursleves connected emotionally and essentially keeping us closer-we are better parents!

!

Let’s clarify something. Sex is not a band aid. It does not “keep you connected emotionally”. Talking to each other keeps you connected emotionally. Sex within marriage is a beautiful renewal of the marriage covenant which gives grace in ways that we may not even see. That grace strengthen your bond of course. I’m not downplaying it, however, it can not be substituting.

Sex WITH contraception hoewver, does not bring forth grace. It will not keep you connected emotionally. It is putting a barrier up between you and between you both with God. This will not help your marriage.

 

[leahbrahms]

niklindsey4, I know what you mean about how important sex can be for a marriage - so true! But I agree with agapewolf and other posters here: even though it might not seem like it at first, contracepted sex just doesn’t have that same bonding, intimate role. It seems the same, but sooner or later the effect of not living out what sex really means - that you completely accept the other, including their fertility - will come through. Just look at the divorce rates for contracepting couples and couples practicing NFP.

It’s great that you’re open to NFP - and it’s true, there are methods that will work with your cycle, no matter how irregular. Learning NFP will bring another level of understanding to your marriage - your self-understanding, his understanding of you in a deeper way, and both of you will better understand God’s intention in creating us this way. That’s been my experience, and I am so grateful!

If there is a serious risk to your health, allow your husband to stand up and protect you through his gift of self in abstaining when necessary, including until you both have mastered the NFP method you are learning. I know he is up to the challenge of loving you like this, and it can be a source of grace for you both.

 

[niklindsey4]

niklindsey4, I know what you mean about how important sex can be for a marriage - so true! But I agree with agapewolf and other posters here: even though it might not seem like it at first, contracepted sex just doesn’t have that same bonding, intimate role. It seems the same, but sooner or later the effect of not living out what sex really means - that you completely accept the other, including their fertility - will come through. Just look at the divorce rates for contracepting couples and couples practicing NFP.

It’s great that you’re open to NFP - and it’s true, there are methods that will work with your cycle, no matter how irregular. Learning NFP will bring another level of understanding to your marriage - your self-understanding, his understanding of you in a deeper way, and both of you will better understand God’s intention in creating us this way. That’s been my experience, and I am so grateful!

If there is a serious risk to your health, allow your husband to stand up and protect you through his gift of self in abstaining when necessary, including until you both have mastered the NFP method you are learning. I know he is up to the challenge of loving you like this, and it can be a source of grace for you both.

Thank you kindly for that reply! It’s the advice I needed.
I have noticed from mine along with many other posts people are very quick to judge on here…they think they are being helpful, but really it’s more discouraging.

I truly thought I was making good decisions and that I was following the catholic teachings best to my ability. I didn’t grow up with a strong catholic background, but it was always a place a found comfort. I was re-introduced to the faith when my hubby was doing some soul searching after the passion came out in theaters. At that time we were newly engaged and we did a lot on our part to begin our life together as strong practicing catholics…BUT, I must admit over the years we have stopped going to church (more frustrating w/ toddler boys and always leads to arguments) & we started using other methods (none are using contraceptives nor are they NFP) for avoiding pregnancy. I know we have slipped pretty far, but we need to get back to where we once were (re: our faith)

I guess I am just making excuses here…when it boils down to it-I am too nervous to use NFP-I am too worried that I’ll end up pregnant. I guess I don’t fully trust the method.

 

[niklindsey4]

Let’s clarify something. Sex is not a band aid. It does not “keep you connected emotionally”. Talking to each other keeps you connected emotionally. Sex within marriage is a beautiful renewal of the marriage covenant which gives grace in ways that we may not even see.

Absolutely! Talking & other ways of communication is most important…but, as I said (in my initial post) it’s already been a month since we last had sex & sometimes there is so much tension that it can help greatly (with my hubby anyway).

 

[niklindsey4]

If lack of sex for a couple of weeks has **that **big of an impact on the time you have together, you have bigger problems than just your medical issues. Sex is a very important part of marriage, but it is NOT the only aspect of marriage and should not be the only way the two of you can express your love or share intimcay.

Seriously, I’m not trying to be flip.

The comments are not comforting and infact are quite discouraging. Everyone has problems. There are no perfect marriages out there and sometimes with the amount of stress that builds up (with my very hard working hubby) it can help us to communicate better. Truthfully, I could careless. Sex is great, but it doesn’t make or break me, but for other’s it’s more important. I don’t think we have any more problems than any other average hard working class american family. I was greatly offended by your comment.

 

[Cajun_Girl]

Hi Niklindsey,

Just wanted to offer you a word of encouragement! I was also afraid to use NFP because I have irregular periods. And when I started to chart my fertility, I began to learn just how messed up my body was! I met every exception to the rule–my thermal shift was only three degrees, I often could not sustain thermal shift, and I had inclusive mucus signs. However, I was able to use NFP successfully for six months. (I know it’s not a long time, but it did work!) I thought that perhaps all of my strange signs meant that I was infertile and that I wouldn’t be getting pregnant, NFP or not. But when we decided to stop using the NFP, we became pregnant almost immediately.

I’m also familiar with long periods of abstinence, since my husband was deployed for 8 months not long after we were married. No marital relations, not even any steady communication, but I do believe that our relationship actually grew while we were apart.

I’ve never had a miscarriage before, but I can imagine how awful it must be. I know I’d be frightened if I were in your place. Maybe this experience is God’s way of making you re-evaluate your ideas of chastity and perhaps become an even better Catholic?

I’ll be praying for your health! Hope this helps!

 

[Jennifer_J]

Others have answered your question better than I could, but I thought I’d offer some links to various forms of NFP for you to look at

Symptothermal–basal temps, mucous and cervix position
nfpandmore.org (online learning)
ccli.org (distance learning option)

Billings–mucous only
boma-usa.com
woomb.org/ (online learning)

Creighton–medical model mucous observations
creightonmodel.com
popepaulvi.com

Marquette–basal temps, mucous, cervix plus a fertility monitor
marquette.edu/nursing/NFP/Model.shtml

I think that’s most of them Learning a method will help you feel more comfortable with it. Seeing your body do it’s thing each month will amaze you. Getting back to Church will fill you with Graces and strength (even with toddlers in tow!)…you can do this!!!

There is often more abstaining needed as you are learning a method. It can be difficult, but if you are motivated because of health issues and safety, that should make it more bearable by both you and your dh. I will also point this out: no method of birth control or contraception is 100% effective, they all have failure rates. The only way to not get pregnant 100% of the time is to not engage in the marital embrace. Anytime we engage in the marital embrace, we must be willing to accept the risks (and benefits) of that act. NFP can be truly effective, if you follow the rules, but there certainly is still a risk of pregnancy (as there is with contraceptives). Getting your dh on board will make the whole process sooo much easier.

Hope I’ve made sense God bless