I've been writing/sending Catholic things anonymously to someone, but now

[LizRita]

I have been writing and sending Catholic material anonymously to someone for the past two years. He was a bit of a wishy-washy Catholic and RARELY went to mass. But, my prayers finally seemed to work when he started going to the same parish as I do a few months ago (my parish is more on the conservative side, rather than the other parish he used to go to). Anyway, I guess I gave too many hints as to my identity because from the first time he started to go to my parish, he’d always look at me in a certain way (like he was looking and smiling at a friend). We have never said anything to each other and he waved a few times. Two Sundays ago he was in the pew ahead of me and he shook my hand, but he also said something I didn’t catch although I heard the word “meet” ; thinking he just said “it’s nice to meet you” I smiled and automatically said “peace be with you”. He looked a bit crestfallen. I didn’t figure it out until later that maybe he said something like “I want to meet you.” So, okay I thought, if its really important, I better write him and tell him I misunderstood (which would really REALLY give my identity away, which I wasn’t comfortable with, but whatever was best for him, I was willing). But, on this Sunday, he COMPLETELY ignored me. I followed him out of church to try to catch up to him, but he started to walk faster. I would have yelled out to get his attention, but my younger siblings were with me…

I understand that his faith is more important than saying “did you want to talk?” But, I just can’t help but feel mad at him and at myself. I don’t know what I said (or didn’t say). I am at a total loss. BTW - I’m 24, a college student, and I still live at home, which is why I haven’t already caught him in the parking lot to say hello (my parents are weird and I’ll leave it at that.) Any ideas of what might he be thinking (like maybe he doesn’t respect me anymore…) or anything? Help, please.

 

[Trishie]

His feelings were hurt, I guess, thinking you’d snubbed him. You poor thing. It’s not fair when that sort of thing happens. Maybe it wasn’t the best time for him to choose, but it probably took courage. It’s not fair for you to have to be stressed like this. You need to be focussing on Mass and not worrying about how to catch him next time.

I can’t say if you should write to him, but it’s not healthy for you to have to deal with the continuing stress. You have studies to concentrate on also. If he has a good idea it was you who sent him information over the past two years, then he may have moved to your parish to make contact. Have you told others who may have told him? If you do write and he doesn’t accept your explanation, then maybe he’s not really good for you. He’d have some idea, if he know’s it’s you, that you have some caring for him or why would you have troubled to send him information.

In the end you have to, as you indicate, leave him to God to help him grow in his faith whatever way God can. If he’s not good at forgiving or understanding, he needs prayer for that, but unless it changed he wouldn’t bring you much joy. It doesn’t make for a happy mutual relationship if one person is stubborn or vengeful eg to run off when you clearly wished to speak. But let’s hope and pray he re-thinks, for his sake as much as yours.

Please look after yourself. A stress like this is too distracting and you don’t need that so I do pray you can resolve things quickly, and with peace. If he refuses, the fault is not yours, but his.

God bless you, Trishie