IVF consideration

[Bellax]

Hi. I spoke to a few priests about considering IVF and they all told me how wrong it is. One told me pregnancy is not a right. I have a medical condition that can be passed on 50/50. While I have a mild case that does not mean if I have a child that they will have the same luck as me. The condition can range from mild to sereve. I would love to have another baby. So far my young toddler shows no sign of my disorder. I will pray and pray that it stays that way. However, my husband and I have done much thought and wish to prevent our last child from inheriting this disorder. I can only have 2 children since I had surgery so I am okay with that. I do not want my future child to have this disorder because having this disorder weakens me. It weakens my spirit, my overall life. My condition is progressive so there is really no telling how I will be in 10, 20 years, etc.

I am very disappointed that the priests I spoke to basically told me a big NO to IVF. I thought the church wanted you to have children?

Also, can someone tell me why I have disorder? It was not passed on by my parents, it was spontaneous. Why did I get it…and not one of my siblings? I am not strong enough for this anymore. I am not.

I want another baby but the only option I want is IVF… I do not want to roll the die anymore.

I have a friend who is Catholic and did IVF after years of not having a baby.

Thoughts?

 

[Marnella]

I am so sorry you are struggling with both your medical issue and your longing to have another baby.

Although I am aware the church teaches IVF is not allowed I do not want to comment about that as I myself am only in RCIA.

I did want to say I will pray for you during this difficult time.

 

[Irishmom2]

Do you think any of here can give you a different answer than the priests you have already asked?

 

[Bellax]

Sure. Why not. On my pregnant forum someone is Catholic and had IVF done as well. Some females are not blessed and have conditions that they should have never been handed in the first place. So you can say that… but put your feet in my shoes and think…would you want your children to go blind? Would you want your children to have tumors? Think about that…but wait, you cannot because you do not have it. I get sick and tired of people not thinking about those who suffer.

 

[1ke]

I spoke to a few priests about considering IVF and they all told me how wrong it is.

The are correct.

IVF is grave matter against the sixth commandment.

One told me pregnancy is not a right. I

That is also correct. See Donum Vitae and Dignitas Personae. Children are not commodities.

So far my young toddler shows no sign of my disorder

That’s a blessing.

I am very disappointed that the priests I spoke to basically told me a big NO to IVF.

They cannot tell you anything else. IVF is gravely immoral.

I thought the church wanted you to have children?

Not by any means. Not all means are moral. IVF is gravely wrong.

Also, can someone tell me why I have disorder?

No one can tell you that.

Why did I get it…and not one of my siblings? I am not strong enough for this anymore. I am not.

I urge you to get some counseling to help you deal with your issues.

I want another baby but the only option I want is IVF… I do not want to roll the die anymore.

I don’t think you understand how IVF works in conjunction with genetic screening. They create embryos in the lab and kill the ones that are screened out. On top of the sinful manner in which the embryos are created, the ones deemed unacceptable are killed. That is murder on top of everything else. Killing embryos because they are considered “defective” because they carry a certain gene is eugenics and it is wrong.

I have a friend who is Catholic and did IVF after years of not having a baby.

What they did was gravely wrong.

 

[Jen7]

but put your feet in my shoes and think…would you want your children to go blind? Would you want your children to have tumors? Think about that…but wait, you cannot because you do not have it. I get sick and tired of people not thinking about those who suffer.

You are not the only one who has these considerations. A dear friend of mine carries a genetic disorder. She has passed it on to her children and two have already died from the condition. This is heartbreaking on one hand… but on the other hand here are two sweet children who had a very loved life, died in the arms of their parents, and are saints. Would it have been better if those kids didn’t exist because of their condition? The parents, siblings, and friends of those children don’t think so!! Their lives were profound, their entire family grew in love, and their parents are heroes in my book for welcoming God’s precious and most needy into their hearts and homes!

 

[1ke]

You are not the only one who has these considerations.

Correct.

My grandmother had a hereditary genetic disorder diagnosed after the had her 4 children. She told me once that if she had been diagnosed before she had children she never would have had any. So sad. Four kids, eight grand kids, and eight great grandchildren would not exist.

None of us inherited the disease.

 

[Viki63]

Have you considered adoption? In the US, foster care leading to adoption does not cost anything, and there are many children who need good homes. Some are very young; our daughter was 10 months when she came to us.
Just a thought. Adoption is not for everyone.

 

[F_Marturana]

If you do IVF to avoid a disorder in your children, what happens is that any embryo conceived via IVF is tested and if they have your disorder, they are discarded.

Is that fair to conceive a child only to discard it if it has a disorder?

I would take your priests’ advice.

Life is precious and fragile. My son spent time in a children’s hospital. Some kids were born with their ailments. But some others suffered injuries causing them to be in some way disabled.

We don’t have guarantees ever that anything will be perfect.

 

[Bellax]

We do not want adoption. I believe in getting the body in shape before pregnancy, during and after. I am healthy (besides my disorder) take vitamins, exercise and eat my veggies. I cannot trust another female to take care of themselves. Plus, you are adopting someone that you have no idea of their family history, abuse, etc. Plus, infancy is the best. I would not want to adopt a child. My husband is not up for it too so it is not going to happen.

 

[Bellax]

I would not be able to handle seeing two of my children passing away in my arms. I am not meant for that and I would not want to pass on anything knowing my child could potentially have a life that is hard living. My life was good (parents, siblings) however, I had to work VERY hard to get where I am today. While I do not have my graduate degree, I could have gotten it without this disorder, I can guarantee you that. But since this disorder comes with a learning disability, I could only achieve an undergraduate degree. One less than ALL of my siblings who have NOTHING wrong with them (majorly).

 

[Horton]

My cousin and her husband faced this same dilemma. She carried a gene of a horrible disorder which had effected other males in her family. They decided to not have biological children and went with adoption.

They have a wonderful child who is healthy, happy, and is their child in every way but biological.

 

[1ke]

While I do not have my graduate degree, I could have gotten it without this disorder, I can guarantee you that. But since this disorder comes with a learning disability, I could only achieve an undergraduate degree. One less than ALL of my siblings who have NOTHING wrong with them (majorly).

Lots of people in the world don’t have graduate degrees. There is no need to compare yourself to anyone else.

You seem to focus on what you don’t have, rather than what you do have. You don’t want to adopt a child out of love and charity, you only want your own child but not one that has a disability.

Children are not commodities. Children are not a right. And the things you have written here very much sound eugenic and elitist. You don’t have a right to manufacture children.

If you do not want to risk passing on the genetic issue (which is totally understandable), and you do not want to adopt or foster, then the best course of action is to love the child you have and be grateful for that child. Don’t focus on what you “can’t” have, focus on the wonderful child you DO have!

 

[Jen7]

I am not meant for that and I would not want to pass on anything knowing my child could potentially have a life that is hard living.

In this case, then, our Faith would ask you to give up having your own children. IVF is not a “way around” your difficulties. As another poster mentioned there is the possibility of adoption - although I know that is not an option for many, whether for practical or emotional reasons.

Please understand the Church is not trying to be cruel in speaking against IVF! But several aspects of the process are fraught with sin - serious sin! The procuring of sperm can be achieved morally but often is not. And It is truly a scientific reality that many eggs are fertilized & the “unchosen” are discarded. These are real babies! And we cannot overlook that for the genuinely good aim of having a child to add to our family.

I hope you are able to come to peace in all this. You sound like you’ve overcome many obstacles before!

 

[Jen7]

however, I had to work VERY hard to get where I am today. While I do not have my graduate degree, I could have gotten it without this disorder, I can guarantee you that. But since this disorder comes with a learning disability, I could only achieve an undergraduate degree.

You sound very gifted! I had to work very hard to get where I am as well. No graduate degree. No learning disability either. Just… life happened. In some form or fashion we all get dealt cards we wouldn’t have chosen for ourselves & we make lemonade with our lemons.

 

[1ke]

I’d encourage you to read Donum Vitae and Dignitas Personae which are both available on the Vatican website. These detail the Church’s teaching on moral means of assistance in conception and immoral means of conception.

 

[Anicette]

I am very disappointed that the priests I spoke to basically told me a big NO to IVF. I thought the church wanted you to have children?

The priests give the correct position of the Church. The children has to be conceived through the loving embrace of their married parents. No child deserve to be create by artificial means.

The Church does NOT WANT that everybody has children at all cost. She is not blindly natalist. Some are not destined to have children at all (the celibate religious is the best exemple).
Married people are called to be open to have children, but the Church accepts that some would never have children because of sterility.

In the case of genetic disorder, the couple has to make the choice of having children and accept they may or not have the genetic condition or the choice of not having children at all.

The fact that some Catholics have IVF anyway is not an argument. Morality is not depend on what some do or not do. Logic and reflexion are what is need.

 

[Anicette]

. I cannot trust another female to take care of themselves. Plus, you are adopting someone that you have no idea of their family history, abuse, etc. Plus, infancy is the best. I would not want to adopt a child. My husband is not up for it too so it is not going to happen.

Yes, you are right, as long as you think like that, adoption will not happened. It is not necessary bad, not all people are made for adoption. Some people evoluated with the desire of children and open their heart to an abandoned child, some would not.

I think that for people wo try to adopt who the mother has taken care of herself during the pregnancy is the last thing in their mind. They know that many children are deprived, but not necessary because on who the pregnant mother has taken care of themselves but because of the sad situation around them (familial or social) or because of their own health problems.

Plus, you are adopting someone that you have no idea of their family history, abuse, etc

Not always the case…

 

[Jen7]

A problem with all this desire to select out “issues” is… where does it end? What if your genetically-normal 5 year old gets leukemia? Or your genetically-normal 7 year old is autistic? Or your genetically-normal 12 year old develops an eating disorder? Or your genetically-normal 15 year shows signs of schizophrenia? All these will impact their lives and yours profoundly. Their “quality of life” will be reduced, by certain peoples’ standards. Will they have been “worth” bringing into the world? When we begin picking and choosing, where and when do we stop? If we stop, why at that exact point? And what is motivating us in the first place? All questions worth pondering.

 

[AdamP88]

I am very disappointed that the priests I spoke to basically told me a big NO to IVF. I thought the church wanted you to have children?

Several reasons.
IVF takes the process of procreation into a sterile lab environment, rather than the marital act, between two loving spouses. The Church teaches that this is immoral.
Also it is necessary for IVF to create a large number of embryos in order that one might “take”. Essentially this creates a number of your biological children, who have eternal souls, and they are either destroyed or frozen indefinitely.
You can’t choose to manufacture the perfect child, no matter how much you may want to. I’m sorry you have this disorder but you don’t know if this will be such a big deal in 20 years?
Your morally legitimate choices are to not have any more children, or to risk having a child with this condition.