Just a asking: What's the right thing to do?

[George789]

Would you let your kids live at home if they are in there thirties?

For instance, would you let them attend school and work part-time while living in your home?

or Would you kick them out?

 

[Joan_M]

Why on earth would you kick them out? Are they treating your (and their) home as if it was a hotel? Expecting their parents to look after them as if they were children? If that is the case, I would have a very serious talk with them. Lay down ground rules. There should be no increase in work for the parents because the adult children remain at home. In fact, there should be less work, because the adult children should make it their business to help out.

If they are still attending school in their thirties, if this reasonable - Are they perennial students (determined to not grow up!!) or have they returned to school either to earn further professional qualifications, or because they need to have a change of career? If the former, then they need the serious talk referred to above.

I would welcome the presence of adult children in my home - provided they were not sponging off of me, or treating me with scant regard.

 

[juno24]

George789:

Would you let your kids live at home if they are in there thirties?

For instance, would you let them attend school and work part-time while living in your home?

or Would you kick them out?

As someone who did just that (lived with my mom until I was 36), I would have to say it really depends on the circumstances. I was a college graduate, working full time and living at home. I paid my own bills and paid rent to my mother. At the time, it was the best situation for both of us. When I lost my job, my best friend recommended me for a job at her work place, and I moved out of my mom’s house in Maryland so I could take the job here in Florida. My roommate, the friend who got me the new job, also lived with her father until just about 3 years ago (she was also in her mid-30’s). She made an exceptional salary, paid all her own bills, and also paid the majority of her dad’s mortgage. When her dad remarried, my friend bought her own house. In both our cases, it was beneficial to all parties for us to be living at home. Now, that being said, if it is NOT beneficial (e.g. it is a drain on the parents to have to support a 30-something child who is not working and/or in some way contributing to the household), then yes, the parents should kick the child out. Sometimes, the only way the baby bird learns to fly is to be pushed out of the nest.

Have a great day!
Judy

 

[AlanFromWichita]

George789:

Would you let your kids live at home if they are in there thirties?

For instance, would you let them attend school and work part-time while living in your home?

or Would you kick them out?

Dear George789,

I agree with the other posters, in that you shouldn’t necessarily kick them out.

Our oldest child, of six, just started college, and I was delighted that he decided to go to a local university and stay with us even though his only scholarship offer was out of town. He is a blessing to have around, and we’re in no hurry to get rid of any of them. Living with us, he can save money on housing and pay for his own college with a low paying part-time job and still save up, and occasionally takes his brothers and sisters out to eat. Plus, he helps me with the computers and I can help him with his math and physics homework. Of course, he’s only 18 but his being older wouldn’t change his welcome in our house.

Many in society think it’s repulsive for a 30-something child to live with parents, as if that makes the child a wimp or something. I think that’s possible depending on the situation, but as a blanket statement, poppycock! I think there are a lot of potential advantages for extended families to live together, or at least near each other. I did not have that when I was growing up, and I envied it in others.

Alan

 

[sparkle]

There is no hard set and fast rule. I think it totally depends on the particular circumstances. Take a long hard look at them.

If the child has no idea what they want out of life–never have, even well into their 30’s–have had trouble being responsible, trouble holding down jobs, have no desire for schooling, moved around constantly, and they go to parties, hang out with indecent frriends, I would say absolutely NOT. Let them grow up, figure it out on their own, finally. They have had more than a decade to do so, if they haven’t by now–it’s their choice, and they must learn sooner or later.

If it’s merely a “transition” stage in their life, for whatever reason, that they have always been very responsible, by all means, be helpful the best you can! Love 'em and help them get back on their feet, because on THEIR feet they must remain.

I have unfortunately witnessed all too many completely irresponsible young adults well into their 30’s-50’s with totally enabling parents, who keep them from maturing, just let them keep returning home at the drop of a pin, the parents pay their bills, etc., kids merely shirk their responsibilities, etc., etc. So I, perhaps more than others who have posted, have seen the damage it does to young adults to be dependent on their parents well into adulthood, when the contrary, kids have had to be out on their own, as early as 18, they find jobs, they learn the value of a dollar, they have to examine their future, it’s a good thing in my opinion, as life isn’t easy. You have to be responsible. The quicker they learn this lesson, the better. I would be very hesitant at this arrangement friend, sometimes love has to be “tough”. Even though it might be hard, to do the RIGHT thing is always a hard lesson. I’m a parent, and I fully know.

May God Give You Wisdom~~

God Bless~~

 

[BLB_Oregon]

My parents had kids with them into their thirties. No rent, but they had work to do (upkeep), no say in what the rules of the house were, and had to keep Mom & Dad up on where they were… although after high school, Mom & Dad didn’t make any rules as to where we could go. (They did reserve the right to voice an opinion.) Whether in school or employed, nobody got more vacation time/leisure time than if one had a full-time job. Basically, if you lived with Mom & Dad as an adult, you had to act like an adult, but not as if you had any ownership in the place.

Mind you, Mom & Dad had their own retirement and finances set. If they were financially in any hardship, the kids would have been expected to contribute accordingly for as long as they were living there, up to the full price of admission (i.e., rent + room & board).

 

[asquared]

Since you ask would I have 30 + kids living at home, the answer is NO. We have 4 and the 3 girls are married with children, and know they better make it work because they are not coming back here with the kids. The boy would probably be living on the street if we did not support him but it is impossible for a dozen reasons for him to live with us. We have provided for his future financially so he will never be a burden on his sisters, but right now interraction with the family is not a possibility.

When the last one moved out we sold the big house and bought a mobile home just big enough for us, and later retired to Texas. They are welcome to visit, lots of motels handy, but we visit them, easier for us than for them to travel with kids.

They all had the chance to go to college, one spent her last year at home commuting which was fine, oldest lived with us for a few months before marriage because alternative was living together which we would not countenance. The ones who blew off college were not welcome to lounge around home using us as a singles pad. We raised our kids, we did our best, we have a life which includes following a specific plan we discerned over many years of prayer and struggle. It does not include perpetuating the adolescence of our kids.

 

[Annunciata]

Yes I would and do let my child in his thirties live at home. He is a good, well intentioned man who works very hard and is very good to me.
When his father died, he left college to help save a failing family business (if he hadn’t, I’d have lost everything) long story… Anyway, I’m happy to be able to be give him a roof over his head. I just wish he would go back to college to get his degree and find a nice Catholic girl and get married!!! (BTW,he doesn’t live in my present home… in my old one).
Annunciata

 

[Augustine]

George789:

Would you let your kids live at home if they are in there thirties?

Why not?

Society at large pushes some “need” to be independent, individualistic, hedonistic, etc. No wonder the divorce rate in America is so high.

As a foreigner, I can’t understand what seems to be an eagerness by parents to get rif of their kids in America. My kids will only leave home to go to their own family, i.e., after getting married. Period. Circumstances may beg other arrangements, but this is the starting point.