Just a vent on MIL

[Maryamh]

I try very hard to just let things go and not let anything get to me, generally just by saying to myself she didn’t mean it the way it sounded, I must have misunderstood and just let it go.

We have had a rocky relationship since the beginning:shrug: so it has just been a grin and bear it. I feel even worse because my husband sees it and feels bad then doesn’t always want to go and see his family. Lately, it is like they are getting more and more out there… just comments they will make are very unsettling to me. I grew up in a family that wasn’t very well off money was very tight, my mom worked along with my dad because she had to. We had a garden and raised some animals for meat. They will make comments about people who don’t have much or who look poor in very looked down upon manner as well as comment about how you just don’t want to be anything if you didn’t go to college… that hurts, I was the first in my family to go and get a degree… it was hard, my parents helped when they could and I worked my way through school and had loans.
DH’s family is very large and seem to be a little better off financially they have paid for all of their kids educations… Sometimes it makes me wonder if they realize how fortunate they are…
When we were married we choose to have a small wedding as we were paying for it, they were not real happy but seemed to be okay about it. We weren’t even sure they would attend the mass (whole nother story there and they are “practicing catholics” in their minds-according to our priest they have fallen away from the church) I have attempted to get to know mil better asking ?'s about how her and fil met about the kids, especially DH growing up… she won’t talk changes the subject. DH and I stop over as a childhood friend is visiting w/ his fiance… mil is just telling all kinds of stories about how her and fil met and about the kids growing up ect… I was pretty surprised and speechless as well as hurt… DH was really hurt some of the things she was telling he didn’t even have a clue on.
Now I was asked to go in on a pretty extravagent bridal shower gift, caught me rather off guard… and it hit home and hurt as it is something that this young lady wants but I would put it more as a wedding gift just as it is $$$ even split among several… but what hurts is DH and I did not recieve anything from the family we registered for… we got cute candle holders and knickknacks… I know I need to let it go, but it is frustrating… There are many more incidents this is just the most recent.
Sorry for the long vent.

 

[Claymont79]

Without going on my own vent about my former MIL, I’ll just say I’ll pray for you and let others say what they think. Hang in there, when relatives are like that just turn the other cheek. BTDT and didn’t turn the cheek, my life was UGLY…

 

[Trishie]

Maryamh, I pray that someday your mother-in-law will open her eyes and see you as a lovable and valuable person, not through the lens of any kind of prejudice. If she chooses to miss out on your warmth and kindness, then she’s very much the loser.

Yes it’s unfair, and she is unfair. She doesn’t have the quality to be more than she acts at this time in her life perhaps. She may be wealthier than you have been, but she is the poorer for her attitude. She needs your prayers.

Don’t let yourself be any less the kind and warm person you are. Don’t let her resentment poison your life and joy. It sounds like your dear husband appreciates and supports you. How blessed you are for that! Just rejoice in his love and support…sometimes there are sad stories where the husband doesn’t support his wife in this sort of situation.

Just be the wonderful person you are.

 

[GerlyOne]

Wow! Reading your post was as if I had written some of it myself…I feel for you and I can relate to so many of the things you wrote about.

Here’s the deal, you need to stop feeling like the victim in all this, I say “victim” because this is exactly how I felt for so many years. Do you have children? When I had my first son, I felt like I had finally gained a little respect from MIL and FIL…THEN…we moved out of the country for five years and I came back with a confidence that blew their hair back:thumbsup:

You are lucky that, from what you’ve written, it sounds like your husband supports you in all this, he sounds very compassionate towards you, always a good thing. I was not always so fortunate as my husband thinks his parents are so wonderful…

From now on, you just be yourself for awhile when you’re around them…let them initiate conversations, you sit there and act as if you have better things to do than hang around them waiting on them to be decent inlaws to you…you just be confident and change your personality (towards them) until you gain some results. By no means am I suggesting that you be outright disrespectful…just a little more in charge of your feelings around them, you take control of how you’re going to choose to feel. A confident attitude will do wonders for you!

I will be praying for you…God bless you and your family.

 

[Maryamh]

Thank you for the support and prayers. No children yet, though it is definately scary how she will be when the child arrives. I am very fortunate, DH is absolutely wonderful. When we were dating I used to have miniature panic attacks when I was on the way to their house, thankfully I have gotten over that. I can deal with her, I have learned to choose my words very carefully as things get taken out of context very easily and misunderstood.
The sad thing is DH doesn’t even care to go there unless I am with him, I even have to remind him he should call and say hi every once in a while. We agreed when we got married he would deal with his family and I would deal with mine. That has served us well so far, though DH is pretty content to visit w/ my family. I feel bad for DH as I talk to and see my family quite regularly and just feels like we are the “black sheep” of his family and I know it hurts him very deeply.

 

[monicatholic]

just a few thoughts:

if he deals with his own family and you yours, then don’t remind him to stop by and say howdy. he knows what’s what.

GerlyOne has great suggestions. Try and follow them now before you have any children. Vocal and critical vs. sensitive and easily intimidated makes for a BAD environemt for kids.

so, yoiu can’t change their vocal and critical, but you CAN change your sensitive and easily intimidated.

get over them. their behaviors and opinions aren’t truthful. responding to falsehoods is a useless endeavor.

 

[ForMary]

You are in my prayers.

Vent all you need to, let it out. Pray about it and go where God leads you.