Just left a relationship for Catholicism

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faith44

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Hi everyone,

So I just broke up with my girlfriend last night because I wanted to become Catholic and she did not. It was really hard because we were together for 2 1/2 years. It’s still really hard.

The thing is, I’m still in love with her and I’m wondering if I made the right choice. I knew she was never going to be interested in becoming Catholic, but at the same time I just left someone I still love.

When we broke up she said, “It’s funny how religion is supposed to be something that brings people together, but instead it just tares people apart.” This really got to me.

I think in the end, she might have been okay with me becoming Catholic, but she never would have done it herself. Nor do I think she would have become very religious, though she is Methodist.

It’s not that I have anything against protestants, I was baptized Lutheran, but I want to one day be married to someone who has the same religious beliefs as I do. I want my wife to go to mass with me and I want to raise my kids to become Catholic.

I’m afraid that this might turn her off to Christianity entirely. But I don’t know what to do. She hates me right now, so there’s no talking to her. I even contemplated just being Methodist and trying to get her to become religious in that spectrum…I still believe that protestants are saved just as much as Catholics, so it became a question between doing these two things…Am I leaving her because I am not willing to compromise my beliefs, or am I leaving her for an institution (The Catholic Church).

Added that, what’s done is done now and I doubt there’s any way of changing it. Could I have possibly crippled her spiritual strength by leaving her for the Catholic Church?
 
You are not responsible for her.

To bad you broke up. She is right, religion isn’t not supposed to drive people apart. But it sure does. Christians don’t have the market cornered on being good or getting to heaven. If you married her you would be with someone you love. That may not come your way again. How would you feel if you know you would be alone for the rest of your life?

You might consider giving God some credit here. Be a Catholic, marry her. Pray for her, go to church, be a wonderful husband. Then, in that relationship of love that you have, slowly draw her into the Church. Thinking that she will never join the Church is really making God and the Church out to be very unattractive. It isn’t. Give her a chance to find the beauty in the Church that you have found.
 
larry85704 said:
You are not responsible for her.

To bad you broke up. She is right, religion isn’t not supposed to drive people apart. But it sure does. Christians don’t have the market cornered on being good or getting to heaven. If you married her you would be with someone you love. That may not come your way again. How would you feel if you know you would be alone for the rest of your life?

You might consider giving God some credit here. Be a Catholic, marry her. Pray for her, go to church, be a wonderful husband. Then, in that relationship of love that you have, slowly draw her into the Church. Thinking that she will never join the Church is really making God and the Church out to be very unattractive. It isn’t. Give her a chance to find the beauty in the Church that you have found.
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I just don’t know if it is an option. I really don’t think she would take me back since we’ve had near break ups in the past. She made it clear that she does not want to get back together with me.

The reason why I thought she would not join is because even though she is a Methodist, she has never really been too religious. She does not like organized religion. I made a foolish assumption by thinking that she would not be interested, although she had made comments saying that she did not care for the church in the past. She even stated that it is the only church she would not attend services at with me.

I don’t know if I could go through with it. Even though I love everything else about her, I don’t know if I could marry someone that I can’t connect on any religious level with.
 
Hi you bring to mind the reading of Jesus “If a person cannot leave their family for my sake then they are not worthy of me”.
another
“do not suppose that I have come to bring peace, no, I have come to bring enmity between one person and another”

**I want to one day be married to someone who has the same religious beliefs as I do. I want my wife to go to mass with me and I want to raise my kids to become Catholic.
** Good for you and this is biblical, it is always to be of ONE yoke.

I’m afraid that this might turn her off to Christianity entirely. But I don’t know what to do. How could you be to blame, don’t speak to her negatively always choose your words and comments (when you can) speak openly and happily, NEVER putting her down. ALWAYS put Jesus first and this could be the drawing card to bring her along.

She hates me right now, so there’s no talking to her. ( for now that doesn’t matter even from a distance smile wave or say Hi! but don’t change be even in your thoughts and how you speak or smile to her. Lastly pray for her.

I even contemplated just being Methodist and trying to get her to become religious in that spectrum… And that would probably not even work because it does not seem like God’s doing but yours.

But Godbless
 
Littleone,

Thank you very much for your response. I am hoping that things turn out well. She and I do want to remain friends, but I know it will be different. I guess I will just try to be a good friend and always pray for her.

God Bless
 
faith44 said:
Littleone,

Thank you very much for your response. I am hoping that things turn out well. She and I do want to remain friends, but I know it will be different. I guess I will just try to be a good friend and always pray for her.

God Bless
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Good for you and you don’t know what is around the corner or what God has in hand. So, keep up the smile especially around her. Remember keep “GOD CENTERED”
Godbless.
 
Dear friend,

That was very corageous of you. You’ve made a firm, rational decision, and here you go, now, you’re walking the path of salvation, as you get closer and closer to converting to the true religion, to the true faith. Never mind the passion that you still feel for her; it will fade away, like everything else in this World. You’ve made a firm, rational and voluntary decision, which is absolutely right. If it was passion that based your decision, you would have chosen the other way arround, and probably, would suffer to see that the very basis of your decision faded away, as time passed by and like the wind takes everything with him, leaving nothing behind for us to hold. But, thank God, it was reason, the spark of God’s knowledge that we have, that based your decision, deep in your soul. So, stick to your decision, and believe, for you will experiment great joy and happyness right next to Our Lord, in the community of people that He, Himself, built, relaying on Peter and his apostolic sucessors to do so.
faith44 said:
When we broke up she said, “It’s funny how religion is supposed to be something that brings people together, but instead it just tares people apart.” This really got to me.
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Here is the answer to your ex-girlfriend - meditate on this one.

Luke 12, 49-54

*“Ignem veni míttere in terram et quid volo? Si iam accénsus esset! Baptísma autem hábeo baptizári et quómodo coártor, usque dum perficiátur! Putátis quia pacem veni dare in terram? Non, dico vobis, sed separatiónem. Erunt enim ex hoc quinque in domo una divísi: tres in duo, et duo in tres; dividéntur pater in fílium et fílius in patrem, mater in fíliam et fília in matrem, socrus in nurum suam et nurus in socrum.”

“I am come to cast fire on the earth; and what will I, but that it be kindled? And I have a baptism wherewith I am to be baptized: and how am I straitened until it be accomplished? Think ye, that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, no; but separation. For there shall be from henceforth five in one house divided: three against two, and two against three. The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against his father, the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother, the mother in law against her daughter in law, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.”*
Am I leaving her because I am not willing to compromise my beliefs, or am I leaving her for an institution (The Catholic Church).
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You didn’t left her for an institution. The Church is Christ. Christ is the Head of the Catholic Church, the only, true Christian Church, the only one which, thus, leads to salvation in Christ Jesus. You left her for the faith in Jesus Christ and because you have come to believe in our Creed, in the only true Christian Creed, the Symbola Apostolorum, and thanks be given to God for that. Do not loose your faith and resolution, my friend! You will sooner or later see that you didn’t feel more than a strong passion for her, and I’m sure that the Lord will grant you amazing graces, so that you may find a good girlfriend and spouse for you, in the future, if that is His will for you, in terms of vocation.
 
Religion does bring people together–it’ll bring you together with a Catholic wife in the future…and you could just as validly say that it wasn’t your religion that drove you apart, it was her lack of religion or openness to it that drove you apart.

Glad
 
faith44 said:
Hi everyone,

So I just broke up with my girlfriend last night because I wanted to become Catholic and she did not. It was really hard because we were together for 2 1/2 years. It’s still really hard.

The thing is, I’m still in love with her and I’m wondering if I made the right choice. I knew she was never going to be interested in becoming Catholic, but at the same time I just left someone I still love.

When we broke up she said, “It’s funny how religion is supposed to be something that brings people together, but instead it just tares people apart.” This really got to me.

I think in the end, she might have been okay with me becoming Catholic, but she never would have done it herself. Nor do I think she would have become very religious, though she is Methodist.

It’s not that I have anything against protestants, I was baptized Lutheran, but I want to one day be married to someone who has the same religious beliefs as I do. I want my wife to go to mass with me and I want to raise my kids to become Catholic.

I’m afraid that this might turn her off to Christianity entirely. But I don’t know what to do. She hates me right now, so there’s no talking to her. I even contemplated just being Methodist and trying to get her to become religious in that spectrum…I still believe that protestants are saved just as much as Catholics, so it became a question between doing these two things…Am I leaving her because I am not willing to compromise my beliefs, or am I leaving her for an institution (The Catholic Church).

Added that, what’s done is done now and I doubt there’s any way of changing it. Could I have possibly crippled her spiritual strength by leaving her for the Catholic Church?
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I was a Methodist when my Catholic wife married me. After 10 years of her daily prayers for me I became a Catholic in 1992.
 
I really admire what you did. You gave up someone dear to you because she didn’t seem like she was God’s will for your life. You made a huge sacrfice, to be aligned with His will.

I know for certain that you cannot outgive God. Have faith when you ask Him to bless her life. He will.

When you feel sorrow for the very real loss you have suffered, go to Jesus in the Eucharist, and sit with Him alone, and tell Him these feelings and ask Him for peace that you have made the right decision. Because it is something that the evil one might well bother you with, as he will not like this victory of the Lord in your life. In fact when you question your decision, pray the St. Michael prayer, and ask for God’s peace. Stay girded up spiritually; go to the Real Presence of Jesus for strength. You cannot do this alone.

Ask Him for signs and encouragements that you are on His path. My intuition is that you are. I am impressed by your decision. It encourages me to have courage in making decisions to align my life more to His will. But the true validation that you have done the right thing will come from the peace of God in your heart, and if you ask Him for it, He will give it to you.

You have already recieved some very good advice. I particularly liked these, from littleone and Dapdn:

littleone’s scripture: “If a person cannot leave their family for my sake then they are not worthy of me”.
and "do not suppose that I have come to bring peace, no, I have come to bring enmity between one person and another"

DAPDN’s: "You didn’t leave her for an institution. The Church is Christ. Christ is the Head of the Catholic Church, the only, true Christian Church, the only one which, thus, leads to salvation in Christ Jesus. You left her for the faith in Jesus Christ and because you have come to believe in our Creed, in the only true Christian Creed, the Symbola Apostolorum, and thanks be given to God for that. Do not loose your faith and resolution, my friend! You will sooner or later see that you didn’t feel more than a strong passion for her, and I’m sure that the Lord will grant you amazing graces, so that you may find a good girlfriend and spouse for you, in the future, if that is His will for you, in terms of vocation."

Here are some additional comments:
faith44 said:
. I knew she was never going to be interested in becoming Catholic, but at the same time I just left someone I still love.
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Bring your very real sadness of loss to Jesus; He will comfort you. I think your saying that from knowing her, she never would have been interested in becoming Catholic is a very important reason in why you broke it off with her.

Dating is not vows. Had you been married to her when this dilemma came to the fore, all manner of heroic sacrifice would be appropriate to preserve the bond - and God would help you. But since you are not married and you know how important your faith is to you, and how not-important it is to her, it seems you have made the only wise and prudent choice. Being unevenly yoked in the vitally core area of faith would likely cause constant strife in your marriage, especially after children.
faith44 said:
.I think in the end, she might have been okay with me becoming Catholic, but she never would have done it herself. Nor do I think she would have become very religious, though she is Methodist.
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Sounds like good reasons for your choice.
faith44 said:
.but I want to one day be married to someone who has the same religious beliefs as I do. I want my wife to go to mass with me and I want to raise my kids to become Catholic.
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These are the best of goals for marriage.
faith44 said:
.I’m afraid that this might turn her off to Christianity entirely… Could I have possibly crippled her spiritual strength by leaving her for the Catholic Church?]…
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Take this fear to the Lord. You have given Him so much in obedience in this case, how can He fail you in uplifing her? He won’t. Apart you can do even more for her - in prayer and offering up your little sacrifices. So embrace your fears for her faith as a call to persevere in prayer for her. Your fear or concern is a gift, as in a favorite quote of St.Therese of Liseaux, “All is gift.”
faith44 said:
. But I don’t know what to do. She hates me right now, so there’s no talking to her.
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Accept her, love her in Jesus. It is normal for her to be angry. She didn’t see this coming, at least, she didn’t expect the conflict to resolved this way, since life-changing faith is outside her own experience. Her anger makes sense and you can pray to Our Lady that no bitterness would set in. Keep her in Our Lady’s hands. Pray for her comfort in her very real affliction.
faith44 said:
…I even contemplated just being Methodist and trying to get her to become religious in that spectrum…I still believe that protestants are saved just as much as Catholics, so it became a question between doing these two things…Am I leaving her because I am not willing to compromise my beliefs, or am I leaving her for an institution (The Catholic Church).
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This sounds like the heroric measures you should have taken had you been married when you awoke to the truth of Catholicsim. But you are not married, and marrying her with the hopes of changing her is not right, and not real love.

God bless you.

http://www.spiritsite.com/gallery/art/medmar/BotticelliMadonna.JPG
 
Hey everyone. Just wanted to say thank you very much for your kind words. The past couple of days have gotten better. This is where my ex and I currently stand. I told her I regret breaking up so abruptly only because I failed to realize the extent to which she would be open to learning about Catholicism. However, as I said I am still glad I did so, because I can now explore the church without fear of what she thinks or feeling the need to hide it from her.

After things cooled down, she actually called to say that she regrets saying that she would never want to get back together again. We still miss each other, we still love each other. We decided to maybe talk in several months down the line about where we are with each other. It could mean something, it could not, but for now we are leaving it at that.

Mass on Sunday though was sweet! The priest I have been talking to on occasion for about 18 months, Father James, saw me at the beginning of Mass and came by to shake my hand. He hadn’t seen me at that church since May. First thing I told him was, “I am ready to sign up!” He was pleased to hear it.

So he gave me plenty of information and I am meeting with a Nun tomorrow to talk about it and enroll in an RCIA program.

Again, I really want to thank you all for your posts. I read every single one of them and it made me feel a lot better! I feel like I am making the right decision.
 
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