Keep up a platonic charade, or forget the girl

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32_year_old

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I need some advice. I am pretty sure this girl is not interested in me. I had tried to request her mailing address, and she didn’t give me a favorable answer. I probably moved to quickly, but in that regard, I am thinking the relationship may already be dead before it even started. She probably didn’t get a real good vibe from the way I communicated. I wish these were things you could just plan out and follow the rules, but it is so much more complex than that. I actually had an email almost ready to go saying I understood she wasn’t interested and I would go on my merry way. Fortunately, I didn’t send the email. I thought my brother sent her an email asking about a get-together this weekend or whatever. Then I find it is just an email to him about the weekend I already knew about. I think she may actually like my brother. We already talked about my car show weekend versus her reenactment weekend, that was not an issue.

I want to make this clear that this is my annual international car show, where I am lucky to get ten people.

The 30th pilgrimage is something worth going to. She might be there. I would be going for my benefit, not just to see her. It would be a great experience to walk 14 miles to mission San Juan Capistrano.

In short, I think it is my fault she would not give me the mailing address, but I think she wasn’t interested in me anyway. I have no money to support a wife, so maybe I’ll just get three years older while trying to become wealthy and just show up at a few of her events, I don’t know.

I already have a stupid crush on her, because I saw so many things about her that I liked, and she seemed to have a lot of redeeming qualities, including an interest in a lot of my hobbies, which makes this difficult for me. She had a lot of qualities my mother has.
I also am well aware it is probably my desire to marry so bad and love a woman so completely that is clouding my judgment, and this desire only gets more pronounced as I get older, as I lose hope that I will ever find anyone.

I am tired of women always having the upper hand over men emotionally and in choosing their mates. It gets real old real fast after many of these platonic breakups. I wanted to reach out and chew out two divorced clients that came into my office and said women always put out more in a relationship. That is false.
 
Why have you made three threads about the same thing in a space of 15 minutes?
 
32_year_old said:
I need some advice. I am pretty sure this girl is not interested in me. I had tried to request her mailing address, and she didn’t give me a favorable answer. I probably moved to quickly, but in that regard, I am thinking the relationship may already be dead before it even started. She probably didn’t get a real good vibe from the way I communicated. I wish these were things you could just plan out and follow the rules, but it is so much more complex than that. I actually had an email almost ready to go saying I understood she wasn’t interested and I would go on my merry way. Fortunately, I didn’t send the email. I thought my brother sent her an email asking about a get-together this weekend or whatever. Then I find it is just an email to him about the weekend I already knew about. I think she may actually like my brother. We already talked about my car show weekend versus her reenactment weekend, that was not an issue.

I want to make this clear that this is my annual international car show, where I am lucky to get ten people.

The 30th pilgrimage is something worth going to. She might be there. I would be going for my benefit, not just to see her. It would be a great experience to walk 14 miles to mission San Juan Capistrano.

In short, I think it is my fault she would not give me the mailing address, but I think she wasn’t interested in me anyway. I have no money to support a wife, so maybe I’ll just get three years older while trying to become wealthy and just show up at a few of her events, I don’t know.

I already have a stupid crush on her, because I saw so many things about her that I liked, and she seemed to have a lot of redeeming qualities, including an interest in a lot of my hobbies, which makes this difficult for me. She had a lot of qualities my mother has.
I also am well aware it is probably my desire to marry so bad and love a woman so completely that is clouding my judgment, and this desire only gets more pronounced as I get older, as I lose hope that I will ever find anyone.

I am tired of women always having the upper hand over men emotionally and in choosing their mates. It gets real old real fast after many of these platonic breakups. I wanted to reach out and chew out two divorced clients that came into my office and said women always put out more in a relationship. That is false.
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  1. Why are you asking for addresses and not numbers?
Tip: Don’t ask a girl about any contact info unless you’ve built up some rapport first. She needs to be comfortable around you
  1. Don’t waste your time if you know chasing after a certain girl is a waste of time. You can try flirting with her, but if that doesn’t work, move on.
  2. In a lot of cases men give women that “power” over them. If men would just not put with female nonsense, they’d save themselves a lot of trouble. Is it going to easy? Certainly not at first, but practice makes perfect. And if you ignore a woman who gives you nothing but grief, whether she means to or not, you’ll feel a lot stronger inside.
Some women may yet even be taken aback by your strength of character. 😃
 
32_year_old said:
I need some advice. I am pretty sure this girl is not interested in me. I had tried to request her mailing address, and she didn’t give me a favorable answer. I probably moved to quickly, but in that regard, I am thinking the relationship may already be dead before it even started. She probably didn’t get a real good vibe from the way I communicated. I wish these were things you could just plan out and follow the rules, but it is so much more complex than that. I actually had an email almost ready to go saying I understood she wasn’t interested and I would go on my merry way. Fortunately, I didn’t send the email. I thought my brother sent her an email asking about a get-together this weekend or whatever. Then I find it is just an email to him about the weekend I already knew about. I think she may actually like my brother. We already talked about my car show weekend versus her reenactment weekend, that was not an issue.

I want to make this clear that this is my annual international car show, where I am lucky to get ten people.

The 30th pilgrimage is something worth going to. She might be there. I would be going for my benefit, not just to see her. It would be a great experience to walk 14 miles to mission San Juan Capistrano.

In short, I think it is my fault she would not give me the mailing address, but I think she wasn’t interested in me anyway. I have no money to support a wife, so maybe I’ll just get three years older while trying to become wealthy and just show up at a few of her events, I don’t know.

I already have a stupid crush on her, because I saw so many things about her that I liked, and she seemed to have a lot of redeeming qualities, including an interest in a lot of my hobbies, which makes this difficult for me. She had a lot of qualities my mother has.
I also am well aware it is probably my desire to marry so bad and love a woman so completely that is clouding my judgment, and this desire only gets more pronounced as I get older, as I lose hope that I will ever find anyone.

I am tired of women always having the upper hand over men emotionally and in choosing their mates. It gets real old real fast after many of these platonic breakups. I wanted to reach out and chew out two divorced clients that came into my office and said women always put out more in a relationship. That is false.
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Personally, I think if anybody has the upper hand, now, it’d be men. Well, I say this because I think there are probably more available women than available men. When something’s more in short supply, things become more competitive. This is not a complaint, just an observation of the current times.

There are a few places in the world where men outnumber women. In these few places, men fall over themselves to compete for the few available women. I think Alaska’s one of them! However, I’d still say men have the advantage in at least this sense.

From what I’ve read on women, you may be correct that maybe we do initiate, though it may seem otherwise. We do choose. However, it has been this way for a very long time, and we didn’t invent this system.

There are probably things one can do to increase one’s odds if one really wants to, though.

However, even though women do outnumber men, and moreso as we all age, I will grant you that it’s not easy to find a GOOD woman (or for a woman to find a good man) in these times.

Why not start off as friends, take it slow?

I don’t like to give people I don’t know well my address, either.
 
RPRPsych said:
😃

In my younger days, I once heard of a character who wrote an entire computer game about his miserable love life. Compared to that, a handful of posts isn’t too much. 😛
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We learn so much! (How is your computer game going anyway? Hee Hee!)
If a woman did not immediately fall at my feet in awe of my good looks I just moved on. It worked for me for forty years until I found a somewhat shortsighted princess who is my pearl of great price these last twenty years.
 
Petaro said:
We learn so much! (How is your computer game going anyway? Hee Hee!)
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It’s moving a little slowly because of work (we have an examination coming up next week :o), but it should pick up once this Friday is past. About 30% of it is done in very rough terms. 🙂
If a woman did not immediately fall at my feet in awe of my good looks I just moved on. It worked for me for forty years until I found a somewhat shortsighted princess who is my pearl of great price these last twenty years.
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Now there’s a policy for the ages! (And one I can identify with totally; I’m very short-sighted myself, and am quite bat-like without the glasses.) 👍
 
My advice: don’t just forget the girl. Forget dating, at least for a year or two. (You’re not old, you have the time) Spend some time developing your own interests apart from meeting the right woman.

In spite of your age, the things that you have posted here and on you other threads suggest that you are not ready for a relationship yet. You have a lot of other things on your plate to work on before you will be. If you business isn’t going well, it may be time to try a career change. If you hobbies aren’t bringing you satisfaction, or the people you share your hobbies with are not treating you well, it may be time to find new people or even new hobbies altogether. Do whatever you need to do to achieve this, whether it is therapy, spiritual direction, going back to school, or putting some distance between yourself and your “dysfunctional family business”, or all of the above.

Then, when you have more confidence and less desperation and anger, start looking for a date again. Until then, don’t ask anyone for her number, much less her address.
 
Petaro said:
If a woman did not immediately fall at my feet in awe of my good looks I just moved on. It worked for me for forty years until I found a somewhat shortsighted princess who is my pearl of great price these last twenty years.
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:rotfl:

Sounds like your wife is a lucky woman 👍
 
Lose the girl. The friend zone is a terrible place to be. Should never ever waste your time with a girl who is not interested in you.

You can’t change any girl. But you can work on yourself.
 
LittleRose said:
My advice: don’t just forget the girl. Forget dating, at least for a year or two. (You’re not old, you have the time) Spend some time developing your own interests apart from meeting the right woman.

In spite of your age, the things that you have posted here and on you other threads suggest that you are not ready for a relationship yet. You have a lot of other things on your plate to work on before you will be. If you business isn’t going well, it may be time to try a career change. If you hobbies aren’t bringing you satisfaction, or the people you share your hobbies with are not treating you well, it may be time to find new people or even new hobbies altogether. Do whatever you need to do to achieve this, whether it is therapy, spiritual direction, going back to school, or putting some distance between yourself and your “dysfunctional family business”, or all of the above.

Then, when you have more confidence and less desperation and anger, start looking for a date again. Until then, don’t ask anyone for her number, much less her address.
Click to expand...
👍 exactly.
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
Lose the girl. The friend zone is a terrible place to be. Should never ever waste your time with a girl who is not interested in you.

You can’t change any girl. But you can work on yourself.
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Agreed.
 
Relationships are like dancing. You give a little, then a twirl allows you to take a little. Right now you don’t even have a dance partner, so you only have a brief time to showcase your dance skills before there is a switch in dance partners.

Now, the opposite sex should never be reduced to, “If this, then that”. I will have to observe that you have already reduced yourself to a wallet (I don’t have the money to supports wife). You don’t even have her address and your brain is putting up barriers based off wealth? What if she made 4 X’s what you did? Does that make you unworthy to speak to her? What if her hearts desire was to serve the poor in missionary services? Would you then be like Ebeniser Scroge and break up with her for being poor? Another folly of reducing yourself to a wallet is that you will then view all women as gold diggers.

Your first step to learning how to have that life long dance is to view yourself as the image God made you. Jesus came into the world poor for a reason; and he did not reject his bride (the church) because he was still poor when he started his ministry.

After you learn how to have human dignaty for yourself, you need to give that same human dignaty to all of mankind. When encountering women, you need to accept that God has in mind a good pairing for you. So, you do not need to play games to trick women into liking you. You do need to be pleasant and to allow the people in your life to shine. When you have feelings for someone, put an honest effort and tell them. When rejected, allow time to heal; do this by serving God.

Even when you have unrequited love, you need to respect the human dignaty of the person who does not respond to your affections.
 
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