Keeping children away from non religious cousins

[dixieagle]

Lol…is it bad that I have a certain dislike for my son’s cousin because the mother in me feels he is a future threat to my child? Does that even make sense?

Is it “bad” that you dislike an innocent 3 month old baby? You answer that.

You can certainly control what your son is exposed to; perhaps, when they are older, you can have his cousin over to play, and provide a wholesome example.

 

[sweetsour]

With family I think you are just going to pray to God that His will be done, I mean on how your family leads their lives and ultimately that the paths they choose are the ones God intends for them. I don’t think you will be able to keep your son and nephew apart without creating a serious rift between your families, and ultimately, I don’t think you can keep them apart forever, they may try to get in contact even without your consent. It happened to mine.

It can be really hard to have family who smoke pot and are bad influences. But I think if you bring your baby up with the right teachings and values, he will be able to make the right decisions himself.

Within my own (extended) family we are quite a mixture. My parents did their best to bring my direct family up as Catholics, and out of six children 2 are atheist, 2 are laps-Catholics (but they do try a bit, one goes to mass every Sunday and they both say grace, etc), and 2 practising Catholics. We all chose our paths ourselves though we were bought up with the same values and had the same family influences. With my 2 siblings who are atheist, they totally rejected my cousins who not only did drugs, slept around, always got in trouble with the cops and were (and still are) alcoholics. But its funny because they eventually chose to lead these sort of lives themselves, though they still don’t like to mix with them. For me, the influence of my cousins just sort of strengthened my beliefs and values, and made me a better Catholic. And though I dearly love my cousins, nothing they could do or say will ever make me throw away my own values and start doing what they used to do. (They are much better now, I think overall we were a good influence on them. One of my cousins said to me recently that he thinks he should start praying to God, which was totally out of the blue since we never actively tried to preach to them our faith, instead we just practiced being good examples.)

I actually think your extended family is better than mine as Catholics. At least they indulge in bed time prayers rather than nothing at all like my extended family. That in itself should give you some assurance that their children will not be as bad as you think they will be. And though I’m not proud of it, I swear quite a bit myself, but that doesn’t sound good if they are swearing in front of the kids. Maybe you should talk to them about this that you don’t want them to do it in front of yours? And if they call you Catholic fanatics, say that has nothing to do with faith – its about morals!

Another thing is I don’t ever think you should ever say (even if your thinking it) that your kids are too good for theirs. My own mother was always loving towards my cousins, even though she knew the kind of lives they led, she would just always say to them “pray to God” if they were having difficulties. And because she never judged them, they know her as their loving auntie and they also know that she is very religious. It may be a good idea when their kids are older, just to invite them over to your place to stay with your family and let them witness the kind of life your family leads, as Catholics.

And to do with the violence – I dunno, I used to watch wrestling and violent films myself when I was younger (unbeknown to my parents), and I used to play wrestling with my brother and have sword fights with my best friend (out of tree branches) but I always knew that this was just tv and you didn’t treat people like that in real life. But that was just me and I know all kids are people and they have different ways of thinking to others, so I suppose your kids may react differently to it than me Just watch them and talk to them about it if you ever think it may become a issue.
I was always told by my parents too that Jesus said that if someone slaps your right check offer them your left, and that has always stuck to me through out my whole life.

And always remember – “A family that prays together, stays together!” ~<3 Make sure you often say the family rosary <3 And do it in front of your small children! I know a 4 year old who can lead in the rosary (though its just the Our Father and Hail Mary parts.) God Bless.

Ps. Im sorry this is soooooooooooooo long!!

 

[cmscms]

. But I think if you bring your baby up with the right teachings and values, he will be able to make the right decisions himself.

I am in TOTAL agreement with this statement which is why I believe the mom should start right now. When there is pot smoking going on, she should take her baby and leave. It is much easier for a teenager to walk away from drugs when they have had the example of seeing their parents do it. Kids whose family stay at the party will cave to the peer pressure because they have not been shown differently.

Case in point. My parents have always put studying as a priority and would make me tell my friends ‘Do not call between 6-8 because I have to study.’. When my brother would bully me into doing things his way, my parents just rolled their eyes and did nothing.

As an adult, it was always easy to get me to cave and do things the way other people wanted. But in university, I NEVER had a problem saying ‘NO I am studying’ to a party regardless of how much people mocked me for being a goody 2 shoes.

This is no way shape or form means the OP have to judge her in-laws or hate her nephews. She can lovingly let them know that she would love to be around them when activities are planned with no pot, violent movies and swearing will be on the agenda.

Yes, this will cause a rift in the family but… why are a lot of people so quick to insinuate it is the OPs fault? It is the in-laws fault just as much !

As for inviting the nephews over to have an example of a Catholic family… I would tread REALLY carefully on that one. If the OP does not want her kid at her in-laws because she doesn’t like their morals, it would be kind of hypocritical to have her nephews over to her place to push her morals on them

CM

 

[roseinthewinter]

Thanks for the great responses! We are actually expecting are second baby come June. It is a girl and she and her brother will be 14 months apart…so to those who said have lors of kids…we are on that path! Best answr lol.

I think since I posted this 4 months ago I have really already started to get my answers. The Holidays brought up alot and just made me resolved to teach my kids,and do what I know is right. I do not dislike my nephew btw…thats not what i meant. I pray for them all and love them…and always will. That doesnt mean I need to give in to them or appease them. If they are offended because I say what I believe, choose different interests for my children and do not wish to have my kids be best friends with theirs…that is their issue. I will not be culpable for their anger. I am not ever mean to them and I plan to always try to lovingly explain my reasons…but I wont argue or get drawn into their issues with it. Its thats simple.

Someone stated that I need to start now making it known my plans to be strict ect…and they are right. I missed a few chances already but I see now as my son is growing so quickly that it is silly and almost rude to be silent. Its misleading. I hate confrontation but I guess its time to overcome my people pleasing ways lol. Being a mom brings out the courage! How it forces you to grow in so many ways!I love mybabies and would do anything for them…its a wonderful vocation!!

 

[TigerKitty]

Maybe your son will end up being a good influence on their son!

Yep - just like SurelyMermaid’s story (which I really enjoyed reading)! I guess you never know…

I’m in the same boat as the OP. DD has 2 cousins close in age (on my side of the family) being raised in a family that has “fallen away”. (long story!!!) It’s bad, and I feel terrible for my sister. Anyway - at least DH and I are on the same page. We agreed we will NEVER let DD be alone in their care at any time, for any reason. She is just a toddler now. It’s so important to us that our daughter be raised in the church, that we are drawing up a will to make sure she would go to DH’s brother and his family (who actually attend church every week).

So, OP, you are not alone - looks like there’s lots of people with the same conundrum. I guess best you can do is pray for change - it worked for SurelyMermaid! - and be gracious and patient with your family. It’s OK to limit your time and level of interaction with them, but remember - as our priest said on this past 4th Sunday of Advent - maybe God is sending YOU to them. (In his homily regarding family members being upset/disappointed with other family members who no longer practice their faith.)

 

[Gordon_Sims]

To the OP, if you get to a point where you feel it’s necessary to cut ties with family due to negative effects or influences they’re having on your kids, I’d recommend not hesitating. It sounds like it’s too early to make that call in your situation, but if you’d get to that point you shouldn’t let any notions of family loyalty stand in the way of doing what’s right for your own children. My wife and I endured years of poor treatment for the sake of having our kids around my extended family. When that treatment finally started being directed at our children, we decided we had no choice but to cut ties. We’re now dealing with some backlash from a few family members who feel we ought to stay in contact with these horrible people who, aside from doing and saying things to our kids which could be construed as abuse if we did the same, have gone as far as to say that my wife should learn how to have abortions to avoid having any other children (this was said right after we had a miscarriage). While the backlash has been a headache, some of the steps we’ve taken recently to further cut these people out of our lives has reduced our stress greatly.

 

[BeeSweet]

Make no apologies to anyone for keeping your children close to you when they are little. Train them in God’s ways and give them that compass. You don’t owe anyone any explanations for why you choose to parent your child the way you will.

Honestly, I strongly believe that if you provide your son with a firm foundation in The Lord, that your nephew will likely gravitate to that, rather than your son being led astray by him. Let them play together as often as they will have your guidance. If your son picks up some less than desirable behavior from his cousin, you just teach him that behavior is unacceptable, and then your nephew may learn the same.

Trust in The Lord, and remember charity in all things!