Keeping Hubby excited and involved while trying to conceive

[TarAshly]

Hey yall! Dad’s and Mom’s and anyone with any advice! I was just curious. As some of yall may know DH and I have begun trying to conceive. Now my goofy self is just bubbling over with excitement and joy and sheer anticipation. Hubby on the other hand seems less excited then me. This was all his idea, so I know he wants it but I just cant help but wish he was more excited like me. He of course is raking over the normal fears like money, time, my education etc. but I really want him to be thinking of baby names, talking about cribs and parenting techniques etc. am i just weird or do most ladies ttc want the same? Men, how did (or do) your wives keep yall excited and involved? what could I do to keep his morale up and his exictement up? I just cant hardly contain my sheer JOY and exhiliartion and I want him to be feeling the same excitement and anticipation as I am. any advice?

 

[aurora77]

This is going to sound sexist, but it’s true in my case with my husband. I just don’t think men get as gaga over babies as women do. They love them, and want to have their own, but I don’t think they express it the same way women do. Your husband may be feeling the same excitement at the idea that you are; he’s probably just expressing it differently.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I think this is a very common reaction for men. They feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility hanging over their heads… having to provide for a growing family can be a little intimidating.

Allow him to share his feelings and try not to force him into the same feelings you have.
Also, remember he doesn’t get to experience the physical changes that you do… the kicks, the twirls, the hiccups! He doesn’t get to enjoy any of that (well, a little on the outside, but it’s not the same)…

It’s hard to be excited when you don’t have those “pregnancy” thoughts in your head 100% of the time like the women tend to!

 

[Princess_Abby]

My husband was very excited during the pregnancy to think about/discuss all the things he would ‘do’ with the baby once he/she was here and older. (As in, one time I looked over at 5am to see him pondering the ceiling. When I asked what he was thinking about: “Swingsets.” …We don’t even own a home yet, lol.)

He still talks about stuff he wants to do with her, but now he talks to HER about it. It’s cute. He calls them his Sophie chats. He’ll take her and cuddle her or put her on his chest and talk about kickball strategy or ‘going to the shore’ someday (he’s from Philadelphia) or about the type of tree fort they’ll build…etc. It’s entertaining. He says bedtime prayers with her, too.

He says his biggest struggle as a daddy (at this point), is how young she is and how much he wishes he could take her to go DO things. (She’s only six months old.) We’ll take her to the park and he’ll walk her around the perimeter of the play area and give her a running commentary about how someday soon she’ll be sliding and swinging and…etc. He can’t wait for next summer when she’s over a year old. When there aren’t too many kids, he’ll climb up the slide himself and sit with her on his lap or in the swing (which isn’t an easy feat, he’s 6’ ft). He’s also already so psyched for Christmas because she’ll be crawling and into the wrapping paper and all that.

So, maybe you can focus less on baby names and the nursery and all that (talk to your sister and mom about that stuff instead) and instead discuss with him about all you have to look forward to with raising a child over his/her lifetime.

…And yes, the reaction about practical concerns were definitely part of his thoughts, too. We still openly discuss all of that.

 

[sanctareparata]

Your post made me cry. Happy tears, but tears nonetheless.

He says his biggest struggle as a daddy (at this point), is how young she is and how much he wishes he could take her to go DO things. (She’s only six months old.) We’ll take her to the park and he’ll walk her around the perimeter of the play area and give her a running commentary about how someday soon she’ll be sliding and swinging and…etc.

Someday, if he’s anything like my husband, even though he’s loving watching his little girl grow up and she can now do lots of fun things with him (she’s 2), his heart will start to break once he sees how quickly it all goes by. Every now and then I’ll notice him just watching her quietly, just taking her all in, and see his eyes spill over.

 

[puzzleannie]

unless men have changed a lot since I got married this is one thing that is sure to keep hubby excited and involved, in fact, he has to be both for you to accomplish your goal.

 

[Princess_Abby]

Your post made me cry. Happy tears, but tears nonetheless.

Someday, if he’s anything like my husband, even though he’s loving watching his little girl grow up and she can now do lots of fun things with him (she’s 2), his heart will start to break once he sees how quickly it all goes by. Every now and then I’ll notice him just watching her quietly, just taking her all in, and see his eyes spill over.

Aw… I LOVE good daddies!!! (And there is something so sweet about a daddy and his daughter.)

I already get sad with each new little milestone. It’s so much fun to watch her grow but I still have little yearnings for that five pound little lovebucket we brought home from the hospital.

My husband’s answer to missing her baby days: Have more, more, more!!!

 

[TarAshly]

unless men have changed a lot since I got married this is one thing that is sure to keep hubby excited and involved, in fact, he has to be both for you to accomplish your goal.

haha guess i should have worded that better huh?

 

[SeekerJen]

One thing I learned quickly while we were still naively trying to conceive: don’t follow him around, waving your basal thermometer at him, and saying “we have to DO IT tonight! I’m fertile!” There’s not much that killed the mood faster and sent him into the computer room to hide than that. The pressure and performance anxiety were too much. Finally he told me to just come after him, but not to tell him any of the details.

 

[apricot_yogurt]

Men tend to love things that are real, and women can fall in love with ideas.
My dh loves all our children, but finds it difficult to fall in love with someone who does not yet exist.
He is always making funny faces at babies, when they look over their mum’s shoulder in church. He keeps showing me cute newborns “Did you see that cuuute baby!”, and he does his aaaaw face

 

[StratusRose]

Men tend to love things that are real, and women can fall in love with ideas.
My dh loves all our children, but finds it difficult to fall in love with someone who does not yet exist.
He is always making funny faces at babies, when they look over their mum’s shoulder in church. He keeps showing me cute newborns "Did you see that cuuute baby!", and he does his aaaaw face

My fiance does that too! He also talks in a baby voice to his parents’ new kitten. Then he’ll call me at work and tell me about all the cute things the kitten did. It’s the sweetest thing in the world. He’s got a thing for baby animals. When the panda baby was born at the Washington DC Zoo, he said, “Have you seen the little baby panda? He’s soooo cute!”

He’s also gaga over his 6 year old niece. He pays a lot of attention to her, and is always showing affection toward her too. It’s a good “preview” of what he’ll be like as a dad. He’s warmed up to the idea of being a father more and more. When we first started talking about kids, the word “baby” would send him in a panic.

 

[Em_in_FL]

One thing I learned quickly while we were still naively trying to conceive: don’t follow him around, waving your basal thermometer at him, and saying “we have to DO IT tonight! I’m fertile!” There’s not much that killed the mood faster and sent him into the computer room to hide than that. The pressure and performance anxiety were too much. Finally he told me to just come after him, but not to tell him any of the details.

AAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


This is SO TRUE!

 

[TarAshly]

One thing I learned quickly while we were still naively trying to conceive: don’t follow him around, waving your basal thermometer at him, and saying “we have to DO IT tonight! I’m fertile!” There’s not much that killed the mood faster and sent him into the computer room to hide than that. The pressure and performance anxiety were too much. Finally he told me to just come after him, but not to tell him any of the details.

HAHA! Now thats definately great advice!

 

[CatholicSam]

He says his biggest struggle as a daddy (at this point), is how young she is and how much he wishes he could take her to go DO things. (She’s only six months old.)

What an adorable post!

My husband had the same “problem” when Joey was just a little baby. He’d tell me that he just wants to “play rough” with him and wrestle him Now that Joey’s older, he’s so happy that he can play rough with him, and both of them love it. His concern now is that when the next baby comes along, he’ll forget how to treat a baby gently Daddy brains *definitely *work differently from mommy brains!

TarAshly, you may find that once you actually have a baby inside you, he’ll be more excited about discussing the names, etc. But let me warn you–if your husband is anything like mine, be prepared for 1-2 serious name considerations, and then a bunch of terrible ones as jokes! Thinking of the worst possible names for our baby was one of his favorite topics of conversation for a few weeks!

 

[TarAshly]

Haha! He did that to me last night! he said “Hey babe how about Rowena? no? ok Suri? Apple? Tallulah? Raisin?” just trying to get me to laugh and it cracked me up. he wont discuss boy names, mainly because we have it already picked out but he keeps saying we’re gonna jinx it and end up with a girl!

 

[montanaman]

Well, my suggestion is not to think of him as a vending machine. I’m not saying you do, but if my wife wanted to treat the “act” as the means to an end, well, I’d feel objectified. I’m not a piece of meat! I’m a human person. I need to be cherished and held!

Okay, too far…

 

[Princess_Abby]

TarAshly, you may find that once you actually have a baby inside you, he’ll be more excited about discussing the names, etc. But let me warn you–if your husband is anything like mine, be prepared for 1-2 serious name considerations, and then a bunch of terrible ones as jokes! Thinking of the worst possible names for our baby was one of his favorite topics of conversation for a few weeks!

Ha! This is so true. Whenever I was having a hormonal mood, hubby would pull out his book of saints and start naming “possibilities.” He swore that he wanted a Zosimus Polycarp. (Which would make me shriek with disdain, of course. )

The funny part? Sophie was born on the feast of St. Zosimus! (And as an interesting fact, “Zosia” is Sophia in Polish, but anyway…we joke now that he did actually get his Zosimus!)

The other thing was that once he picked Sophia Annabella (and we knew she was a girl), he became super attached to the name. I merely SUGGESTED a couple more possibilities toward the end, just to throw it out there, and he was all but horrified. She was firmly “Sophia” in his mind.

 

[TarAshly]

Well, my suggestion is not to think of him as a vending machine. I’m not saying you do, but if my wife wanted to treat the “act” as the means to an end, well, I’d feel objectified. I’m not a piece of meat! I’m a human person. I need to be cherished and held!

Okay, too far…

haha! lol! Thanks for that! I DEFINATELY want to avoid making him feel that way! Nice to have a mans (name removed by moderator)ut here! Thanks!

 

[Uncle_David]

Hey yall! Dad’s and Mom’s and anyone with any advice! I was just curious. As some of yall may know DH and I have begun trying to conceive. Now my goofy self is just bubbling over with excitement and joy and sheer anticipation. Hubby on the other hand seems less excited then me. This was all his idea, so I know he wants it but I just cant help but wish he was more excited like me. He of course is raking over the normal fears like money, time, my education etc. but I really want him to be thinking of baby names, talking about cribs and parenting techniques etc. am i just weird or do most ladies ttc want the same? Men, how did (or do) your wives keep yall excited and involved? what could I do to keep his morale up and his exictement up? I just cant hardly contain my sheer JOY and exhiliartion and I want him to be feeling the same excitement and anticipation as I am. any advice?

Men! They’re so weird I’ve never been a “shopper” and just didn’t get as excited as my wife did when we were looking for baby stuff. And it wasn’t even during football season. My wife could tell that I just wasn’t “into” it and one day asked if she could take her mom. I said “I love you honey”. They had a blast together and were quite excited to show me the stuff they brought when the got home. My wife had some of the same concerns especially with the “not as excited” thing. I was quite excited, I guess I just didn’t show it. We now have an 11 year old son who didn’t have a name decided on until he popped out (David Jr.) and twin 9 y/o girls. The youngest, Hailey, had a name when she was born (I liked that name) Holly (the older by 30 seconds) had to wait a few days to get her name. We couldn’t decide on Holly or Rebecca. I think the nurses in the neo-natal eventually decided for us. They kept calling her Holly-Prolly

I’m sure your hubby is very excited. Some men are just weird and show emotions differently.

Take Care and God Bless!

 

[StephanieC]

Since you asked for advice, mine would be to chill out a little bit!

Allow him to feel/express whatever it is he’s going to…there’s no rule book that says that you both are going to be in matching states of prolonged joy & ecstasy for conception & gestation. Coaxing, prodding & insisting might get a little old.

Also, you don’t know what may lie ahead down the road for you while TTC, and, for many first time pregnancies, the daddy often gets totally overlooked. It’s all about how the mommy is feeling, etc.

Mothers still have a primary vocation of spouse, don’t forget!