Kids, Teens, Adults Misbehaving at Mass

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BlueRain

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I need some advice on what to do when certain persons do not behave at Mass.

We try to sit in the front and many times we’ve gotten stuck with this family that has grown kids who talk etc. during Mass and sometimes play fight. These boys are about 13/15. They were poking at each other during the Consecration. The dad does not do anything and I think he thinks it’s amusing and they go receive Communion.

I’ve seen similar things with other girls and boys who know better and I can’t believe they receive Communion. Sadly, it seems that many people do not know that you are suppose to go to confession and be in a state of grace to receive Communion.

This is going to get worse because there is an influx of people who normally don’t attend Mass and they come to Church during Lent, but we don’t see them again until next year. It’s distracting and makes us angry.

I mean aren’t we suppose to stay quiet even when people are going to Communion? Sometimes there are grown women talking as people are kneeling and praying after recieving Communion.

I know, sadly, that our priest has had to ask people to basically behave and turn off their cell phones etc.

What should I do? My mom says she’s going to call the priest, I feel bad for him, he shouldn’t have to do this. I do want to ask our priest to remind people that they have to be in a state of grace (and what that means) in order to receive Communion.

I think next time I’m going to speak up, if I see those kids talking, poking at each other, etc. I’m going to nicely say something. I’m pretty sure they’ll be angry.

I know there are parents who do discpline their kids and remind them that this is the “House of God”
 
It’s a shame that this behavior happens. I can understand babies that start crying in the middle of service, and it’s always appreciated when the parent takes the little one out. But to have teenagers playing/talking/etc. is very disrespectful.

It irritates me too when people start getting in 'social conversations" at the beginning of the processional song at the end–conversation should be outside, AFTER the Mass is entirely over.

Parents should teach their children to be respectful of others, to the Priest, and to Jesus.

–Barbara
 
A few months ago I was at Mass and sitting in the pew with me was a woman and her grandchildren. During Mass these kids were acting up and horsing around. These were not toddlers- they were pre-teens to teenagers and should have known better. At one point, the woman smiled at me and said, “Are my kids bothering you?” I said nothing since the mood I was in would have led me to say something incharitable, but I’m sure the look on my face spoke volumes.
When I was a kid (I’m 43), on the occasions we did go to church, I was expected to sit down, shut up, and behave. Neither my parents nor my grandparents would have tolerated any such foolishness. Or perhaps I’m just too “old-fashioned”…
 
Whenever I encounter people who are talking, or children who are misbehaving I take a two-step approach.

First, I turn and give them my best “teacher” glare. You know the one.

If that doesn’t stop their talking or antics (usually it is sufficient), I then turn around and say (in a medium voice where others close by can also hear) “Please stop talking. You are being very rude” or something similar. That usually cows them completely.

I’ve yet to encounter someone who will keep going after they are directly confronted.
 
Speak up and tell the offenders to behave, nicely, no matter what their age. They’ve got to learn how to behave from someone, and if their parents abdicate their responsibility (or did so long ago) you need to fill in the gap.
 
Well, I think that first you must separate the bad/disrespectful behavior from receiving communion. They’re really not connected. If they’re in a state of grace, they can receive communion, horseplay in the pews or not.

That doesn’t mean that the horseplay isn’t rude, disrespectful and disturbing to others and they are certainly old enough to know better. I have found that the best approach in situations like this is a polite tap on the shoulder and saying “Your behavior is very distracting, and disrespectful to the priest. Please stop.”

People tend to blow off dirty looks (or act out in defiance of them). Someone actually asking them to quit their behavior is apparently rare enough these days that it almost always works.
 
Give 'em **the look. **My 8 year old son has taken to doing it to other children who behave irreverently at Mass. Not sure why the priest tolerates it; and someone will probably say he doesn’t notice but I beg to differ.
 
We had a similar thing happen in church this past Sunday. A family whom we have had a sports connection with in the past was sitting behind us. The whole family - Mom, Dad, 3 kids - ages 6 - 11 talked (not whispered) through the ENTIRE mass. Our associate pastor, who is Indian and has a pretty thick accent, was saying mass He has really wonderful homilies, but I really have to concentrate to hear him properly. I totally missed his homily and left mass feeling torked. Next time, I’m going to get up and move if they sit behind us. The look did nothing to quiet them and I couldn’t come up with a nice way to ask them to be quiet without showing my aggrevation.
 
I will try to not give a dirty look. I’ll try to say something sternly and I’ll try to be polite.

It’s going to take a lot of calming down, I felt like pinching the kids.

My mom says that they used to get pinched if they turned their heads around looking for someone, like a friend, or looking around at other persons. Ouch!

Perhaps by my example, others will speak up when they see people misbehave as well.
 
If the priest says nothing publicly, you must turn around and say with a kind, but serious face and tone, “Would you please hold still and be quiet, God is here in the tabernacle and on the altar and you are missing talking with him, as well as distracting me from speaking with Him. Could you at least be considerate of others, if not of Jesus while you are in the church, please?”

That will totally embarass and shame them. And it will plant a seed of truth which the Holy Spirit could use.

Such behavior is attributable to a lack of faith or catechesis in the Real Presence. The people are to be pitied, but they should be told briefly that their behavior is inappropriate and why.
Also, say the above again to them after Mass, if they continue to disrupt.
 
I wouldn’t recommend the stern look or pinching children. Before Mass or after or after removing the loud child from the church, explain the real Presence and how we need Jesus and need to speak with Him. Also, with children parents can just be matter of fact, that they may not behave that way in Mass and that they will be removed. Don’t entertain them when you leave the Mass. Instead make them be still and either tell them what is happening or have them listen to what is going on in the Mass.

I have seven boys and this has worked with them all and they all sit very still and are attentive. If they forget sometimes where they are, I just remind them about Jesus’ bodily Presence and say they may not distract others form speaking with Jesus and that they need to talk with Him. It strengthens their faith, too.
 
BlueRain said:
I will try to not give a dirty look. I’ll try to say something sternly and I’ll try to be polite.

It’s going to take a lot of calming down, I felt like pinching the kids.
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Yes, be polite but do speak up. I think that there are probably a lot of people who would like to speak out on situations like this but hesitate because for some reason, in this day and age, it’s not done. I’m 42, so I’m at that age where being perceived as “that grumpy old woman” just doesn’t bother me.

And I’ve felt like pinching a few children myself - and some adults! 😛

Good luck! And give us feedback if you’re successful. Success stories are always nice!
 
I hate being in this position. I always want to tell them off. But then you fail to be charitable, and worse you could scare them off church. A couple of times I have been sharp with people and it has turned out very badly. if only we weren’t in the position of having to tell people.
 
I feel for you. It is hard in this day and age to know how to react to that kind of rudeness. When I was little acting up in Church would have earned me a beating that would have brought home the real presense of Jesus 😛

Still, I think I’m lucky in my parish. Our kids are great. Our teenagers behave respectfully and often even watch out for the younger ones and keep them calm during mass. If however, they were to act up I have feeling father would have zero problem calling them out by name and/or the Knights would see to it. Our Knights diffinately give off the “I’m not playing” vibe when they’re in business mode.

If it is a constant thing have you thought about asking the KoC who are ushering to speak to them?
 
I know exactly what you’re talking about! This past Sunday, somebody’s cell phone kept going off during the homily – our priest stopped for a moment and said something along the lines of “and turn the cell phone off because that’s not God calling!” 😃 After that we didn’t hear any more ringing… but aside from that, most people are generally respectful. Something else I noticed last Sunday though, was that almost directly in front of me, there was this woman with her teenaged son and during the homily they kept whipsering to each other and chatting about something. It really makes me sad to see things like this, not only because it’s distracting, but because it takes away from the mass for them and the respect for Jesus as well.

I generally just try to focus on the mass and let these things go though – for all I know the woman with the cellphone was a doctor who was on call and the woman was whispering to her son because a family member was extremely sick and she was comforting him. Unless a real sacrilege is comitted (for example, someone laughing and spitting out the Blood of Christ), I just pray for respect in the mass and then move on 🙂
 
RNRobert said:
A few months ago I was at Mass and sitting in the pew with me was a woman and her grandchildren. During Mass these kids were acting up and horsing around. These were not toddlers- they were pre-teens to teenagers and should have known better. At one point, the woman smiled at me and said, “Are my kids bothering you?” I said nothing since the mood I was in would have led me to say something incharitable, but I’m sure the look on my face spoke volumes.
When I was a kid (I’m 43), on the occasions we did go to church, I was expected to sit down, shut up, and behave. Neither my parents nor my grandparents would have tolerated any such foolishness. Or perhaps I’m just too “old-fashioned”…
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Same for me (I’m only 23 years old). We had to behave. There was no choice in the matter.

That being said, in the church I currently go to, there is very little of that, except for the occasional one who likes to crawl around in the pews.
 
I close my eyes and try to tell myself not to be bothered. This morning I saw a young boy who was either five or six playing underneath the pew in front of him for most of the Consecration. His sister was sitting on the kneeler
 
I have had to suffer through this and I very much admire people who have the guts to politely but firmly request that the distracting behavior cease. I don’t think there’s anything at all uncharitable about doing that.

Also, I know that some people just act out worse when they are told what to do. In that case, I feel we have to face that fact that we cannot force people to behave as they should. So if they don’t listen, I feel all I can do is really concentrate on Jesus on the altar, and make reparation for those who are not worshipping him by being extra worship-ful myself. It’s like the prayer the angel taught the kids in Fatima before the apparitions of Our Lady: “My God, I believe, adore, trust and love You. I ask pardon for those who do not believe, adore, trust, and love You.”

It’s good to know so many of us are in solidarity on this. If we all offer it up for the betterment of the Church it will be a prayer pleasing to God I think. 👍
 
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