Kissing/cuddling without being aroused

[notredame_999]

Is it a sin to cuddle/kiss with a girl on a couch if I do not get physically aroused? I have confessed making out with a woman when I became turned on, and I realize part of confession is a firm purpose of ammendment.

 

[Scoobyshme]

Is it a sin to cuddle/kiss with a girl on a couch if I do not get physically aroused? I have confessed making out with a woman when I became turned on, and I realize part of confession is a firm purpose of ammendment.

Well, Sparky, how do you propose to do that? (Meaning, kissing/cuddling without getting aroused?) Are you low on testosterone or something?

My advice is don’t play with matches near the gasoline. You’ll certainly start a fire and get burnt (sin), if you get my meaning.

If you’re going to date, do it right. Start off with a visit to the Blessed Sacrament. Pray the rosary together. Something like that. Seriously. And conduct your date like Jesus was sitting there with you. You won’t regret it, I assure you!

 

[stringbeanduck]

Is it a sin to cuddle/kiss with a girl on a couch if I do not get physically aroused? I have confessed making out with a woman when I became turned on, and I realize part of confession is a firm purpose of ammendment.

Think of it this way. By doing that, it’s like parking a fully loaded semi on top of an icy hill. You can be as careful as you want to about doing it, but in a short amount of time some things can easily get out of control. So why risk it?

Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with kissing a girl(if it’s short pecks), but remember your flesh is a lot weaker than your spirit. It’s a lot easier than you think, to be tempted. You also should be looking out for her sake as well. Even so, while you might not tempted in that situation, she might very well be. It wouldn’t be nice of a guy to lead his girl into mortal sin.

 

[notredame_999]

Thank you. I think I knew the answer to this question in my heart before I even posted it. Do you think people should get married earlier in order to avoid these sins? I say this because I think in the time of Christ people got married in their late teens, from what I’ve heard the Blessed Virgin Mary was 15 when the holy spirit entered her. It seems like it would just be better for people in their 20’s to marry if their struggling with these desires.

 

[bona_fides_1]

Some other practical advise I’d like to give. Don’t think you are the only one in the equation. It used to be that the woman was pretty much expected to be the one to say “let’s cool it” or “stop before we get in trouble” as a last safety net. The culture is highly secularized now. It is not reliable to count on the woman being the one to say “stop” anymore. It’s not even in the range of expectation for some men to even imagine that they might be the ones needing to say “stop”. Women can be every bit as much aroused as men can be and lack their discipline. It varies with age and social strata. Just be advised that avoidance is a good strategy. It’s a delicate tension between keeping “it interesting” and “not going too far” and ruining a good thing or finding yourself in the confessional “yet again”…

BF

 

[St_Francis]

You are possibly with someone else’s future wife. You may be someone’s future husband. The way I see it is, don’t do anything with anyone that you wouldn’t do iwth your wife watching if you were married. That way you will reserve for marriage that which properly belongs in the marriage.

 

[TheQuestioner]

The boy who modestly kisses a girl and becomes aroused, but does not intend the arousal has not sinned even venially. Nor does he sin if he remains aroused, but does not will or desire the arousal.
However, as soon as he begins to enjoy the arousal or desire it, then it is time to stop whatever action is causing the arousal, even if it is a morally good or neutral action. To continue would be to commit sin.

From

ewtn.com/expert/answers/dating.htm

 

[Zeemeermin]

Thank you. I think I knew the answer to this question in my heart before I even posted it. Do you think people should get married earlier in order to avoid these sins? I say this because I think in the time of Christ people got married in their late teens, from what I’ve heard the Blessed Virgin Mary was 15 when the holy spirit entered her. It seems like it would just be better for people in their 20’s to marry if their struggling with these desires.

Yes, I think we should prepare our young people to take on the vocation of marriage earlier in life. Sexual desire and sexual activity is normal for the young. Fighting that is a losing battle. Harnessing it in a healthy, loving, sacramental marriage early in adulthood would remove the occasion of sin for a lot of young people. This idea that someone is going to remain celibate through their teens, 20s and maybe even into their early 30s is ridiculous. The vast majority of people are not going to do that. And honestly, if one of my kids made it to 30 a virgin, without entering consecrated life, I would be worried about them. Human beings just are not built that way. I am sure it can be achieved… I just wonder at the damage it would inflict.

 

[Mojoforyeshua]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 5 years now and we have made out and kissed plenty. There have been a few times when we crossed our own lines but we have never had anything remotely close to resembling sex. When we do kiss the intent is rarely to arouse the other or ourselves but is a by product of the action. This is one of the things I have serious trouble with now that I am becoming catholic; making out between two very committed people, longer than a year, who are mature and set on getting married is a sin. It is just a bit odd.

Relevant question, my fiance has a disorder with her intestines that causes her to be very ill and cannot keep anything down(even water). Now when we get married, we know that if she gets pregnant she will have this issue for the entire pregnancy. Now, we wouldn’t be able to afford to keep her on an I.V. for months on end and I definitely don’t want her to die of dehydration or starvation, thus killing the child as well.
NFP isn’t as reliable as advertised, though it is much better than many think not to mention her cycle is highly irregular. We can’t really risk getting her pregnant. We are all up for adoption and are both really excited for that, so we would be creating a family and giving a home to a child who may not otherwise have one. Why would it be wrong for us to use contraception and I don’t mean the pill because I know that there is a chance of conception and that the embryo may die as a result of the pill. We would preventing harm to 2 innocents, giving a child a family and have no intention of leaving God out of our relationship in the least. It doesn’t make any sense to me that it would be a mortal sin to use contraception in this case.

 

[DexUK]

As best I understand it, Mojoforyeshua, if your fiance’s need for medical treatment for her condition that has a contraceptive quality as a side effect then that treatment (with its side effect) is ok.

However, it also seems to me that if such treatment were not available or required, it would be unwise to marry and allow oneself to get into a situation where intercourse resulted in a pregnancy that represented a significant danger to your wife’s life, and indeed the child’s. It would be better to remain unmarried and chaste (since marriage is generally understood to be ordered towards the possibility of procreation) since chastity is the only sure-fire method of preventing a pregnancy. Contraception does, after all, fail from time to time and then what would you do if your wife got pregnant? You might be sorely tempted to abort the child, which would be as wrong as wrong can be.

As someone with digestive issues of my own that has resulted in frequent and prolonged nausea, I have nothing but the deepest sympathy with your fiance. The situation must be almost intolerable for her. But I think that you need to step back and recognise the seriousness of the situation and what the only practical and reliable answers are, as difficult and painful as that will surely be. I wouldn’t be in your shoes for a moment, I can tell you that. I really do see the pain this will be causing you.

 

[Mojoforyeshua]

As best I understand it, Mojoforyeshua, if your fiance’s need for medical treatment for her condition that has a contraceptive quality as a side effect then that treatment (with its side effect) is ok.

However, it also seems to me that if such treatment were not available or required, it would be unwise to marry and allow oneself to get into a situation where intercourse resulted in a pregnancy that represented a significant danger to your wife’s life, and indeed the child’s. It would be better to remain unmarried and chaste (since marriage is generally understood to be ordered towards the possibility of procreation) since chastity is the only sure-fire method of preventing a pregnancy. Contraception does, after all, fail from time to time and then what would you do if your wife got pregnant? You might be sorely tempted to abort the child, which would be as wrong as wrong can be.

As someone with digestive issues of my own that has resulted in frequent and prolonged nausea, I have nothing but the deepest sympathy with your fiance. The situation must be almost intolerable for her. But I think that you need to step back and recognise the seriousness of the situation and what the only practical and reliable answers are, as difficult and painful as that will surely be. I wouldn’t be in your shoes for a moment, I can tell you that. I really do see the pain this will be causing you.

An abortion would never be a thought in our mind, ever. If she got pregnant even after using several contraceptives, then we would hope and pray for the best. Neither of us are called to single or the religious life.
Thank you for your sympathies. It’s actually harder on me than her because she doesn’t actually ever want to be pregnant either.

 

[JHow]

Do you think people should get married earlier in order to avoid these sins?

From a practical standpoint, you should get married as early as you can afford it, because chasing after kids is a young-person’s sport.

Seriously, though, I am married - three kids, only wish I met my wife earlier.

 

[Shin]

You are possibly with someone else’s future wife. You may be someone’s future husband. The way I see it is, don’t do anything with anyone that you wouldn’t do iwth your wife watching if you were married. That way you will reserve for marriage that which properly belongs in the marriage.

Amen.

 

[OraLabora]

From a practical standpoint, you should get married as early as you can afford it, because chasing after kids is a young-person’s sport.

Haha, no kidding! I started fairly late (32) and will likely therefore have my grandkids quite late too. But at least those, I can hand back

 

[TheQuestioner]

You are possibly with someone else’s future wife. You may be someone’s future husband. The way I see it is, don’t do anything with anyone that you wouldn’t do iwth your wife watching if you were married. That way you will reserve for marriage that which properly belongs in the marriage.

Not quite the same. If you went about as if you were already married and your future wife was watching you all the time then you would never enter into a relationship in the first place. Unfortunately this kind of reasoning does not help nor do any good.

and again

                      The                boy  who modestly kisses a girl and becomes aroused, but does not                 intend the arousal has not sinned even venially. Nor does he sin if                 he remains aroused, but does not will or desire the  arousal.               
         However,                 as soon as he begins to enjoy the arousal or desire it, then it  is                time to stop whatever action is causing the arousal,  even if it is a                morally good or neutral action. To  continue would be to commit sin.

From

ewtn.com/expert/answers/dating.htm

so don’t kiss her just to kiss her. Kiss her out of love and affection. As soon as it because because you’re “horny” or “just cause” you shouldn’t do it.