Kissing-what is too much?

[jrs88]

I need help understanding this more in depth. I’ve read in examinations of conscience that lustful kissing, or kissing which causes arousal, is a mortal sin. I haven’t had a boyfriend in years up until now in my mid-twenties, so I haven’t had a problem with this, until now. He is the first person I’ve ever really had true feelings for. We are both Catholic and committed to waiting until marriage, and don’t do anything past kissing. However our kisses are more than just a peck, and well sometimes I do feel aroused when we are kissing. I’m not sure that he understands that passionate kissing is a sin, but I don’t know how I would go about telling him that we can only do little peck kisses…it’s not like we are crazy crazy passionate when kissing, but I’m pretty sure it would be considered passionate. I don’t want to sin every time I see him, but I do have feelings for him, and I don’t know how I would not feel anything while kissing…is there anything I can do?

 

[Tighty_Whitey]

This is an issue that I am struggling with at the moment too. I have not viewed it as sinful, but am anxious that our passionate kisses might become out of control passionate kisses. I also know that I feel very emotional after our time together.

I am curious to see what others share. If I listen to my gut, I feel I would share this concern with my girlfriend and let her know that this is a struggle for me. I suppose that I haven’t shared that since I enjoy our intimacy and I am also concerned that she might reject me/not understand why I feel we need to reign in our kissing.

Thanks for your post.

 

[thewanderer]

My understanding of this issue is that so long as the arousal is neither intended or focused on, and so long as the purpose of the kissing id to show your love and affection, then it is ok. That is, unless, of course, it starts really tempting you to go further than you should.

 

[jrs88]

My understanding of this issue is that so long as the arousal is neither intended or focused on, and so long as the purpose of the kissing id to show your love and affection, then it is ok. That is, unless, of course, it starts really tempting you to go further than you should.

Interesting, thank you. I suppose that would mean the best thing is maybe when that feeling occurs, just stop kissing for a bit, maybe hug instead.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I’ve told several others that if you wouldn’t do it in front of your grandmother, it’s too much.

 

[Kamaduck]

I’ve told several others that if you wouldn’t do it in front of your grandmother, it’s too much.

This presupposes that you’re not shy around your grandmother in the first place. I don’t think I could have an intelligent conversation with my grandmother in the room.

Another question you can use is “If I don’t marry this person, will I regret anything I have done with them? Would I want my future spouse to have done this with other people?” But like the grandmother question, that’s pretty subjective.

The best answer is ultimately going to be something more straightforward, and I think wanderer hit the nail on the head in that regard.

 

[habu16]

My understanding of this issue is that so long as the arousal is neither intended or focused on, and so long as the purpose of the kissing id to show your love and affection, then it is ok. That is, unless, of course, it starts really tempting you to go further than you should.

Ditto. We are humans, and arousal is a natural reaction. Like wanderer said, if you aren’t focusing on the arousal or kissing in order to become aroused, then there’s no harm.