Knowing where to draw the line

[crazzeto]

Be respectful of your parents wishes. To honor your Father and Mother was placed as the fourth commandment with the first three governing man’s relationship to God. The fact that God placed our relationship with “the parents” immediately after our relationship with Him speaks volumes to His intent. Even before He commands us not to kill, He commands us to Honor our Father and Mother.

Be cautious of anyone, boyfriend or otherwise who advises that you break one of God’s commandments, to please yourself and mostly to please him. A person who exhibits selfish behavior to the detremant of your relationship with your parents and with God, is not good husband material. Selfish people can change, but it takes a damascus road experience sometimes.

You are growing mature, and you will need to “have that talk” with your parents, politelly requesting that they recognize that you will “naturally”, by maturity begin to assume more personal responsibility. But do not expect them to let go completely until you graduate, so until then, be patient and respectfull of them.

And 3.5 is Outstanding grades. Congratulations.

What a wonderful post

I would suggest that the ordering of the commandments is becase, if you can’t honor your biological mother and father you’re going to have a hard time honoring your father in heaven. There for, I would strongly suggest always baring this commandment in mind.

 

[rayne89]

Be respectful of your parents wishes. To honor your Father and Mother was placed as the fourth commandment with the first three governing man’s relationship to God. The fact that God placed our relationship with “the parents” immediately after our relationship with Him speaks volumes to His intent. Even before He commands us not to kill, He commands us to Honor our Father and Mother.

Be cautious of anyone, boyfriend or otherwise who advises that you break one of God’s commandments, to please yourself and mostly to please him. A person who exhibits selfish behavior to the detremant of your relationship with your parents and with God, is not good husband material. Selfish people can change, but it takes a damascus road experience sometimes.

You are growing mature, and you will need to “have that talk” with your parents, politelly requesting that they recognize that you will “naturally”, by maturity begin to assume more personal responsibility. But do not expect them to let go completely until you graduate, so until then, be patient and respectfull of them.

And 3.5 is Outstanding grades. Congratulations.

Just pointing out honor is not a synonym for obey -sometimes they go hand and hand and sometimes they do not.

 

[Bluegoat]

Honestly, I am a bit suspicious of the parents here. THe boyfriend - who knows, at 18 he may be around permanently or not.

But some parents do try to control their children in inappropriate ways that are not good for the children, or for the parents either (not just adult kids even). And some of their decisions seem to be very thoughtless of others, which also makes me suspicious of whether their motives are totally in the right direction. I wouldn’t assume the parents always are more resonable than their 18 year old kids, since I can think of a number of exceptions that I have observed myself.

But in such a case, what to do? Talking it over is probably a good first step. But in the long run, you might want to look into what would be required to move out.

 

[KostyaJMJ]

Letting someone book a flight and then telling them they can’t go and visit when they aren’t even going to stay with you is way out of line. It seems like it is about time to cut the cord.

 

[flyingfish]

I would just see the boyfriend somewhere where your parents won’t know.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

FF, that’s not playing like an adult. Her parents would be well within their rights then to cut off her funding.

Take the money, dance to their tune.

 

[flyingfish]

FF, that’s not playing like an adult. Her parents would be well within their rights then to cut off her funding.

Take the money, dance to their tune.

Really? So if you are financially supporting your children you get to do whatever you want to them? No one thinks that. Even the most extreme authoritarians would say that say beating and molesting your children is wrong even if you financially support them.

Demanding that she not see her boyfriend is an unreasonable demand that IMO she is not obligated to obey.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I never said because parents support their children they are free to be immoral with them.

And just because a daughter wants to see her boyfriend, you shouldn’t counsel her to sneak around and be immoral.

Knowing what I know now… anyone who would advocate me sneaking around to see him… or would tolerate me behaving that way… well, let’s just say you’re both proving something very bad to each other: if they sneak around with you, they’ll sneak around on you.

It’s a great way to erode trust in a relationship. You learn early on the person’s ways of lying to disguise where they are and where they are going. You listen to them lie on the phone to someone else claiming they’re at the library when you’re at a restaurant. You watch them be deceitful all in the name of “love.”

Slowly and imperceptibly it eats away at your respect for that person. And they see you as someone urging them to violate their conscience rather than deal with the world honestly.

It’s great practice for having extra-marital affairs. Just sayin’…

And witnessing it early in a relationship can come back to haunt you later when your doubts about the person resurface during problems in a marriage.

 

[verdantmemories]

I would just see the boyfriend somewhere where your parents won’t know.

Yeah, not going to happen, that would definitely qualify as dishonoring my parents no matter how silly I think their reasoning is.

 

[The_Bucket]

Well that certainly is a very mature attitude, and I mean that. Honestly, I think your parents are being a little overprotective. I think the approach here is to just say “Hey, I’m feeling better and if he catches a cold, well, he’s a big boy and I think he can handle it.” See what they say to that and if they are still stubborn, try to gently ask if there’s something else that makes them uncomfortable about him being around this particular weekend because a cold is no big deal at all.

I sucked it up when I had mono and explored downtown Chicago with my girlfriend when I was in college. Same deal; she went to school in Florida while I was up in the frozen north and while we hung out during breaks since we were from the same hometown, during the semesters we only saw each other for a few days every month at best when one would fly out to the other’s place. Hey, it wasn’t fun, but it was better than telling her to stay home.

Of course, it’s much nice now that I get to see her every day when I wake up and go to bed as we’ve been married for a few years now.

 

[verdantmemories]

Well that certainly is a very mature attitude, and I mean that. Honestly, I think your parents are being a little overprotective. I think the approach here is to just say “Hey, I’m feeling better and if he catches a cold, well, he’s a big boy and I think he can handle it.” See what they say to that and if they are still stubborn, try to gently ask if there’s something else that makes them uncomfortable about him being around this particular weekend because a cold is no big deal at all.

I did try that, to be honest, I’m starting to see their point of view. I haven’t gotten out of bed in a week, but I would suddenly be able to get up and go out to see my boyfriend? I think it was more wishful thinking.

 

[The_Bucket]

I did try that, to be honest, I’m starting to see their point of view. I haven’t gotten out of bed in a week, but I would suddenly be able to get up and go out to see my boyfriend? I think it was more wishful thinking.

Well it didn’t sound like it was that serious. Probably best if it is like that, to tell your boyfriend that you can’t do much since you’re basically incapacitated. Though if he is determined to see you since you don’t see each other in person a lot, maybe your parents would be OK with him coming and simply hanging out with you at their place and helping you get better?

 

[joandarc2008]

When in doubt go to the CCC:

2217 As long as a child lives at home with his parents, the child should obey his parents in all that they ask of him when it is for his good or that of the family. "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."22 Children should also obey the reasonable directions of their teachers and all to whom their parents have entrusted them. But if a child is convinced in conscience that it would be morally wrong to obey a particular order, he must not do so.

As they grow up, children should continue to respect their parents. They should anticipate their wishes, willingly seek their advice, and accept their just admonitions. Obedience toward parents ceases with the emancipation of the children; not so respect, which is always owed to them. This respect has its roots in the fear of God, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

2218 The fourth commandment reminds grown children of their responsibilities toward their parents. As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress. Jesus recalls this duty of gratitude.23

For the Lord honored the father above the children, and he confirmed the right of the mother over her sons. Whoever honors his father atones for sins, and whoever glorifies his mother is like one who lays up treasure. Whoever honors his father will be gladdened by his own children, and when he prays he will be heard. Whoever glorifies his father will have long life, and whoever obeys the Lord will refresh his mother.24
O son, help your father in his old age, and do not grieve him as long as he lives; even if he is lacking in understanding, show forbearance; in all your strength do not despise him. . . . Whoever forsakes his father is like a blasphemer, and whoever angers his mother is cursed by the Lord.25

OP- where do you think you fit in to this?

 

[verdantmemories]

OP- where do you think you fit in to this?

Thanks! I think that pretty much answers my question.