Lack of Intimacy

[marleydreams]

Hi everyone,

I’m new to these forums, and I have come here seeking prayer and advice.

I am a cradle catholic who married a man 9 years ago civilly. It is the first marriage for both of us. Very recently, we decided as a couple that we needed to strengthen our faith, and he expressed an interest in converting to Catholicism. He just started our parish’s RCIA program and is very excited. We also have started the process of convalidating our marriage.

My problem is that we have been living in a primarily sexless marriage for years. My husband seems to have no physical interest in me. He is a recovering alcoholic and has blamed his lack of desire on his disease and now on his recovery. I am trying to be supportive of him making these very important changes in his life, but I am struggling with feelings of lonliness and worthlessness and unfulfillment. My husband says I am simply struggling with depression and should seek help. He says he cares for me but just is not a very romantic man.

I want to raise the issue with our Priest, but my husband seems reluctant. I don’t understand why he does not see this as an issue. I also feel like something may be wrong with me because none of my married friends seem to be able to relate to what I am experiencing.

Am I wrong to question if this marriage is right for me or am I wrong to be placing so much of an emphasis on the physical intimacy that I believe is a part of a marriage. Please help me and please pray for me to find understanding and peace.

Thank you.

 

[Xantippe]

Hi everyone,

I’m new to these forums, and I have come here seeking prayer and advice.

I am a cradle catholic who married a man 9 years ago civilly. It is the first marriage for both of us. Very recently, we decided as a couple that we needed to strengthen our faith, and he expressed an interest in converting to Catholicism. He just started our parish’s RCIA program and is very excited. We also have started the process of convalidating our marriage.

My problem is that we have been living in a primarily sexless marriage for years. My husband seems to have no physical interest in me. He is a recovering alcoholic and has blamed his lack of desire on his disease and now on his recovery. I am trying to be supportive of him making these very important changes in his life, but I am struggling with feelings of lonliness and worthlessness and unfulfillment. My husband says I am simply struggling with depression and should seek help. He says he cares for me but just is not a very romantic man.

I want to raise the issue with our Priest, but my husband seems reluctant. I don’t understand why he does not see this as an issue. I also feel like something may be wrong with me because none of my married friends seem to be able to relate to what I am experiencing.

Am I wrong to question if this marriage is right for me or am I wrong to be placing so much of an emphasis on the physical intimacy that I believe is a part of a marriage. Please help me and please pray for me to find understanding and peace.

Thank you.

Definitely talk to your priest in confidence before going through with convalidation.

 

[ClearWater]

Definitely talk to your priest in confidence before going through with convalidation.

Excellent advice.

Further, besides talking to a priest, you might also want to speak to a counselor.

The best scenario would be marriage counseling, since this concerns you both. If he won’t go, then I’d encourage you to go to individual counselor for many reasons.

There are so many possible reasons for this problem, but intimacy is a very important aspect of your life. Don’t let your husband try to tell you otherwise.

You are normal to want to want intimacy. Sounds like your husband is trying to make this all your issue, when it takes two. You aren’t happy, so that’s enough reason to go to marriage counseling.

Marriages often end at the point when there is no intimacy, especially for years ongoing.
It’s a red flag that something is majorly wrong.