LDS...tactics?

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Last night he sent another message saying, “I meant it in a good way”.

I really want to protect my ‘friendship’ with his wife (we do not socialize outside of our working relationship) , so I’m trying to aid him in saving face. I told him I just don’t socialize with people I do business with, because it always turns out badly, which is true and I have experienced in the past. He messaged back, “Makes sense”. Very short and to-the-point, which is great.

Now the part about showing his wife. I’m afraid LDS will circle the wagons around their own, and then I will lose her business relationship, which I think is irreplaceable. Selfish? Maybe. I’ll have to consider it.
I think it could be argued that I’m over-reacting and she will cut off our business ties. I can sense that I’m going to be lambasted for this.
 
I think you should ask your priest. I see your point, but I don’t know what sort of obligation have or don’t have. He backed off, but how many other women has he approached? Who is next on his list? That part isn’t your responsibility, but perhaps your priest can listen to more details and give some sage advice.
 
exiled said:
Last night he sent another message saying, “I meant it in a good way”.

I really want to protect my ‘friendship’ with his wife (we do not socialize outside of our working relationship) , so I’m trying to aid him in saving face. I told him I just don’t socialize with people I do business with, because it always turns out badly, which is true and I have experienced in the past. He messaged back, “Makes sense”. Very short and to-the-point, which is great.

Now the part about showing his wife. I’m afraid LDS will circle the wagons around their own, and then I will lose her business relationship, which I think is irreplaceable. Selfish? Maybe. I’ll have to consider it.
I think it could be argued that I’m over-reacting and she will cut off our business ties. I can sense that I’m going to be lambasted for this.
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Hi Exiled: Sounds to me that you did the right thing in saying that you not have relationships outside the workforce. I think as far as the showing the wife the e-mails let it go unless there is real reason to show her.
 
spina1953 said:
Hi Exiled: Sounds to me that you did the right thing in saying that you not have relationships outside the workforce. I think as far as the showing the wife the e-mails let it go unless there is real reason to show her.
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The real reason to show her is because it is the truth, and truth trumps everything. This woman deserves to know what her husband is up to. Either he will repent, or she can protect herself from continuing heartache and STDs by leaving him.

This tendency to let the husband get away with it is a poison in LDS culture. You might be surprised how many LDS women let their husbands get away with this sort of thing so that they will not be viewed as a “non-submissive” wife by the local leadership (I know - I was a counselor in the bishopric), which is not only non-professional, but subject to their own whims and patriarchal prejudice.

This s**t makes me very angry because I saw so much of it while in the LDS bishopric.

Paul (formerly LDS, now happily Catholic)
 
PaulDupre1 said:
The real reason to show her is because it is the truth, and truth trumps everything. This woman deserves to know what her husband is up to. Either he will repent, or she can protect herself from continuing heartache and STDs by leaving him.

This tendency to let the husband get away with it is a poison in LDS culture. You might be surprised how many LDS women let their husbands get away with this sort of thing so that they will not be viewed as a “non-submissive” wife by the local leadership (I know - I was a counselor in the bishopric), which is not only non-professional, but subject to their own whims and patriarchal prejudice.

This s**t makes me very angry because I saw so much of it while in the LDS bishopric.

Paul (formerly LDS, now happily Catholic)
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Sure it’s true, but my reasons for not going to her with this is exactly what you state in paragraph 2-LDS culture.

I think telling people the truth about this-or-that should be based on your relationship with that person. For instance, I will tell my sister, my brother or my best friend the truth, but for others that I’m not particularly close to, I’m leaving it to their loved ones.

This business relationship (and no, it’s not a money making relationship, so I’m not prioritizing money) is way too valuable for me. Let her own family or members of her ward tell her. If it’s a pattern, I’m certainly not the first, and I’d venture a bet that she already knows what he’s like.
 
PaulDupre1 said:
The real reason to show her is because it is the truth, and truth trumps everything. This woman deserves to know what her husband is up to. Either he will repent, or she can protect herself from continuing heartache and STDs by leaving him.

This tendency to let the husband get away with it is a poison in LDS culture. You might be surprised how many LDS women let their husbands get away with this sort of thing so that they will not be viewed as a “non-submissive” wife by the local leadership (I know - I was a counselor in the bishopric), which is not only non-professional, but subject to their own whims and patriarchal prejudice.

This s**t makes me very angry because I saw so much of it while in the LDS bishopric.

Paul (formerly LDS, now happily Catholic)
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Hi Paul: You might be correct in what you say, but I am replying to what Exile said and it seems to me that sometimes its better not to say anything if it will make matters worse. From what Exile said in his post, I wonder since he has a business relationship with the person, telling her something that was sent to him by her husband may do more harm than good. Sometimes its not about not telling the truth but knowing when to say something that is truthful and when not to say anything at all till all the facts are in concerning it.
 
exiled said:
Sure it’s true, but my reasons for not going to her with this is exactly what you state in paragraph 2-LDS culture.

I think telling people the truth about this-or-that should be based on your relationship with that person. For instance, I will tell my sister, my brother or my best friend the truth, but for others that I’m not particularly close to, I’m leaving it to their loved ones.

This business relationship (and no, it’s not a money making relationship, so I’m not prioritizing money) is way too valuable for me. Let her own family or members of her ward tell her. If it’s a pattern, I’m certainly not the first, and I’d venture a bet that she already knows what he’s like.
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You make a good point - she probably already knows. My LDS sister put up with her husband’s cheating for nearly 20 years. She was in denial for a long time, trying to convince herself that everyone who told her about her husband’s extra-marital affairs was lying. It was only when her son witnessed an obvious intimacy with another woman that my sister had finally had enough. She went to the bishop, who told her that it was all her fault for being too “headstrong” and not submissive enough.

She divorced her husband, but not until he was eventually excommunicated for adultery.

Paul (formerly LDS, now happily Catholic)
 
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