Least of My Brethren

[Nap66]

My mother has been severly disabled from a stroke for the past 25 years. The stroke happened one year after my father died from cancer so it is just us kids who have been her caregiver this quarter century. As each year has gone on, it is getting tougher and tougher to give care to her mainly because of her attitude (we can handle the physical duties we have to do with her). My mother is unbelievably negative and will scream at you no matter what you are doing (she was like this before the stroke as well so I cannot blame it as a side effect of the stroke). Just giving her a bath or making her meals is a chore as she will berate you nonstop and call you a terrible person and just make you wish you had never met her! She is that bad. I literally have to bite my tongue not to explode at her.

During one day when I could no longer take it anymore I screamed at her. Afterward I knew it was wrong and apologized to her. I then asked God how I can deal with this anymore. The word of Jesus that “what you do for the least of my brethren you do for me” came to my mind. My mother is the least of God’s brethren and the caretaking I am doing for her is what I am doing for God. Ok, I can accept that. But how can you keep your sanity when doing it? What if what you are doing for God is driving you insane? What if helping the least of God’s brethren is deadening your soul? That can’t be right. God wants you to help others and destroy yourself in the process? Oops. I answered my own question - yes. That’s what Jesus did.

I wish I had Jesus’ fortitude and faith.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Long term caregiving is difficult.

If you are in the US, contact your insurance company to see if they cover home health aides. You can also check about respite care. If she is on Medicaid, they do have respite care options.

You have to take a break sometimes.

 

[Demetra]

You are being very brave and loving but Jesus does not expect you to be abused every day. You need to get some relief, so find help! Your city or town probably has a senior center that can offer advice. Talk to her physician and contact social services. Your mother may need anti depressants. Take care of yourself because you can be of no help to your mother if you are overwhelmed. Your mother, may object to home health aides coming in but ignore that complaint. As long as her needs are being met it doesn’t have to be you or family every single day. Help is out there but you have to reach out for it. Also talk to your priest because some parishes have volunteers for doing errands or driving people to appointments. Good luck!

 

[Nap66]

Good advice Demetra. I’ve been trying to get her on anti-depressants for the longest time. She refuses to take them and her doctor doesn’t recommend them to her because she’s “nice as pie” to him. Now people will think I’m crazy but I think she is demon-possessed. I do. The signs are all there. But bringing this up to a priest would only make me seem crazy (and I’m not). So, I just pray to God to help me with her. That’s all I can do.