Leaving, but staying right here

[Epistemes]

About a year and a half ago, while I struggled with my relationship with God, praying the Liturgy of the Hours three or four times a day, praying the rosary daily, going to daily Mass, praying my heart out for others, volunteering my free time helping my parish, and reading only imprimatur-approved books while simultaneously worried for my very soul, suffering from what some call scruples and what others call neurosis but what I see now clearly as the ill effects of trenchant dogmatism, my pastor told me to enjoy life and that I needed to find my peace, or shalom, or wholeness.

Well, father, I’ve found it. And it’s not in the Church. I haven’t experienced such wholeness in a long, long time.

I’m happy. I’m content. I’m at peace. And I don’t miss a thing about the way things were.

Thanks for reading.

 

[Luigi_Daniele]

About a year and a half ago, while I struggled with my relationship with God, praying the Liturgy of the Hours three or four times a day, praying the rosary daily, going to daily Mass, praying my heart out for others, volunteering my free time helping my parish, and reading only imprimatur-approved books while simultaneously worried for my very soul, suffering from what some call scruples and what others call neurosis but what I see now clearly as the ill effects of trenchant dogmatism, my pastor told me to enjoy life and that I needed to find my peace, or shalom, or wholeness.

Well, father, I’ve found it. And it’s not in the Church. I haven’t experienced such wholeness in a long, long time.

I’m happy. I’m content. I’m at peace. And I don’t miss a thing about the way things were.

Thanks for reading.

If you leave the Church, you have made a huge mistake. I pray God may help you to see that.

If the priest left you with the impression that you can find your own way without the Church, then it is time to find another priest.

 

[EmeraldWings]

If what you have found is not God, then it will not last, only God is forever. and you will live for eternity, either with Him, or without Him.

i sincerely hope you make the right choice, whether it’s now or later, you still have time…God will wait for you, no matter what happens…

i want to be happy and at peace to, but not at the risk of hurting or abandoning God, He has done nothing to hurt me, and i have hurt Him so much…i choose His happiness over mine…what is love worth when it’s wasted on yourself? it’s worth nothing…

ok, take care, i’ll be praying for you.

 

[MercyMia]

I remember many of your old posts, and you are no stranger to suffering my friend. I completely sympathize. However, I have to ask, what happens when the honeymoon with your new found religion is over? God and his Church will always be here, patient and waiting for you to return to the sacraments.

 

[baltobetsy]

On other threads, you have shared that you have begun to have premarital sex and that you do not intend to stop. It’s interesting how this decision of yours about the Church coincides with that.

People ask why the Church takes sins of a sexual nature so seriously. This is one big reason why.

 

[Edward_H]

All the acts of piety you mentioned are approaches to God.

And all are good.

But imagine doing the following. Say you live away from your parents. You call them like clockwork once a week. You half-listen to what they say while you browse the internet. You never really get into your thoughts, or theirs, the reasons for why you do/don’t do things, how you see things, your worries, your joys, your pains. You write them on their anniversaries, and their birthday’s but again, - you have to admit - it’s pretty much shallow conversation.

Approaches to our parents, our conversations, are important, but the more sincere…the more deep - the better. Same is true with our devotions, our prayers, our conversations with God.

Do we rectify several times a day our will with His? How do we know if we don’t maintain a very regular conversation with Him. Is this what I should be reading, writing; Is this how you need me spending my time; do you think it’s good that I have pre-marital sex? Is this what I should be doing?

Don’t let the mechanics of good devotion turn into non-conversation. Your Father wants union with you…in conversation, in spirit, in will, in purpose.

Do we let one hour pass without talking with our Father God?

Do we frequently ask Him how we should be spending our time?

Are we ready to give up our likes and preferences as acts of love, so that God can convert them into wonderful gifts for others?

Do we do this, do we do this with great and increasing generosity?

 

[JaredR]

About a year and a half ago, while I struggled with my relationship with God, praying the Liturgy of the Hours three or four times a day, praying the rosary daily, going to daily Mass, praying my heart out for others, volunteering my free time helping my parish, and reading only imprimatur-approved books while simultaneously worried for my very soul, suffering from what some call scruples and what others call neurosis but what I see now clearly as the ill effects of trenchant dogmatism, my pastor told me to enjoy life and that I needed to find my peace, or shalom, or wholeness.

Well, father, I’ve found it. And it’s not in the Church. I haven’t experienced such wholeness in a long, long time.

I’m happy. I’m content. I’m at peace. And I don’t miss a thing about the way things were.

Thanks for reading.

You listed a bunch of things you did as if they were proof that you were “doing” Catholicism right, but what you told us is no indication at all of how advanced you were in the spiritual life. As St. Paul would say, all of those things are worth nothing if you don’t have charity. I don’t say this to call your motives into question, but rather to make the point that it is easy to do a lot without doing much good.

Perhaps what you experience now is relief from false devotion, because there is certainly no peace in abandoning Christ and His Church.

 

[Monica4316]

Epistemes, I’m sad to hear this there is such a thing as false peace. True peace can only be found in Christ. We often go through times when we don’t feel that peace, only suffering, but that has a purpose also. During those times, it is best to accept the suffering rather than seek a way out of it. It is better to suffer and to love than to feel peace but lose Christ. I hope that God would draw you back to Himself and show you His real peace.

God bless

 

[Shin]

I fear…

When our weaknesses are worked upon spiritually…

When the devils cease to make war on our thoughts and feelings because they have won a great victory there can be a kind of false peace…

But still, in the end, we have to listen to God and the true peace is in “Welcome home.”

The road of the Cross is difficult, without a doubt… but it is easier ultimately than the other road… and with God’s help, and our neighbor’s… we can find inner peace despite the pains and difficulties that surround us… by relying on Him, and his revelations, rather than our own thoughts and judgements…

Who He is… Love… Peace…

You have my prayers!

To Jesus My Friend
by St. Claude de la Colombiere

Jesus! You are my true Friend, my only Friend. You take a part in all my misfortunes; You take them on Yourself; You know how to change them into blessings; You listen to me with the greatest kindness when I relate my troubles to You, and You have always balm to pour on my wounds.

I find You at all times; I find You everywhere, You never go away: if I have to change my dwelling, I find You there wherever I go. You are never weary of listening to me, You are never tired of doing me good. I am certain of being beloved by You, if I love You; my goods are nothing to You, and by bestowing Yours on me, You never grow poor; however miserable I may be, no one nobler or cleverer or even holier can come between You and me, and deprive me of Your friendship; and death, which tears us away from all other friends, will unite me forever to You. All the humiliations attached to old age, or to the loss of honor, will never detach You from me; on the contrary, I shall never enjoy You more fully, and You will never be closer to me than when everything seems to conspire against me to overwhelm me and to cast me down. You bear with all my faults with extreme patience, and even my want of fidelity and my ingratitude do not wound You to such a degree as to make You unwilling to receive me when I return to You. O Jesus, grant that I may die praising You, that I may die loving You, that I may die for the love of you.

 

[Monica4316]

To Jesus My Friend
by St. Claude de la Colombiere

Jesus! You are my true Friend, my only Friend. You take a part in all my misfortunes; You take them on Yourself; You know how to change them into blessings; You listen to me with the greatest kindness when I relate my troubles to You, and You have always balm to pour on my wounds.

I find You at all times; I find You everywhere, You never go away: if I have to change my dwelling, I find You there wherever I go. You are never weary of listening to me, You are never tired of doing me good. I am certain of being beloved by You, if I love You; my goods are nothing to You, and by bestowing Yours on me, You never grow poor; however miserable I may be, no one nobler or cleverer or even holier can come between You and me, and deprive me of Your friendship; and death, which tears us away from all other friends, will unite me forever to You. All the humiliations attached to old age, or to the loss of honor, will never detach You from me; on the contrary, I shall never enjoy You more fully, and You will never be closer to me than when everything seems to conspire against me to overwhelm me and to cast me down. You bear with all my faults with extreme patience, and even my want of fidelity and my ingratitude do not wound You to such a degree as to make You unwilling to receive me when I return to You. O Jesus, grant that I may die praising You, that I may die loving You, that I may die for the love of you.

that is a beautiful prayer

 

[Shin]

Isn’t it…

St. Claude de la Colombiere’s writings have been published, and he is a great spiritual director for souls who are troubled and not at peace, because he is so comforting and soothing. He had to take care of St. Margaret Mary Alacoque who did not have a soothing life!

‘Do not let your peace depend upon what is outside you; you will see that Our Lord will supply for everything when you are satisfied with him alone, and you will find more in him than in creatures altogether. Beware of thinking you have need of anyone when the Lord withdraws from you. He is too faithful to take away from you any help that he sees necessary for you, so that you may reach the perfection he expects from you.’

St. Claude de la Colombiere

‘No plans from God are ever accomplished without trouble. The more the devil tries to upset them, the more glory for God we can hope for.’

St. Claude de la Colombiere

‘Thou art everywhere in me and I in thee; therefor in whatever situation I may find myself, in whatever peril, whatever enemy may rise up against me, I have my support always with me. This thought alone can, in a moment, scatter all my trials, especially those uprisings of nature which at times I feel so strong and which in spite of myself make me fear for my perseverence and tremble at the sight of the perfect emptiness in which it has pleased God to place me.’

St. Claude de la Colombiere

 

[spencer2]

epistemes, it sounds like you burnt yourself out on your journey to holiness and spiritual maturity. the pillars of faith which you have practiced are great but you overwhelmed yourself so much that you lost the joy (somewhere along the way) of climbing the ladder. maybe if your journey was at a slower pace so to speak you would have discovered the beauty of the faith instead of being consumed by it. my advice to you is when you are doing all that you can throug prayer and devout life but nothing seems to be going your way, remember “be still and know that I AM” .