Lent

[sunfleur70]

OK - so I am new to this forum and even pretty new to the Catholic faith. If this belongs someplace else, please move it!

This is my 4th year as a Catholic convert. My husband and I took the RCIA journey together in 2004. He was baptised and I was confirmed, having been baptised in the Methodist church.

For Lent this year, my husband decided he was giving up drinking. He assumed I was doing the same, though we never talked about it. I attended a happy hour with my coworkers last night and had 2 beers. The moment I arrived home last night, I have been in the witness stand for this perceived failure.

I am beside myself right now, because he is judging me so negatively. I have tried to explain:

1. We never discussed any plans for abstience of any type
2. He should be focusing on his own Lenten journey, and allow me to do the same.
3. I have not done “wrong” since there is nothing in the scripture that demands I abstain from anything, except meat on Fridays and large meals on fasting days, during Lent

My husband has not been to Mass since March 2008, when our son took first communion. I don’t want to start any arguments, but feel I am being unfairly judged. Any thoughts?

 

[Voradin]

Penance is suggested, but it doesn’t have to be in any one form.
Alcohol per say is one way to do it if you are a frequent drinker,
or something you do a lot of that isn’t really necassary.
Eg; I watch movies with my family, I gave that up for extra penance.

About church going,
I would take it easy with him and work out a resolution ,
if he gets to hard to convince the best thing to do is to pray for him.
There is a certain Novena that lasts 54 days, all you have to say is one decade of the rosary a day until the end of the 54 days,
it has never been known to fail as far as anyone knows.
If you miss a day on accident it’s okay, God doesn’t care,
but try not to.

I would try telling him that if your Son see’s him not going to church it’s a bad example, and the boy may grow up distant from God and even him. He needs to show his family he cares what happens to them, where their souls may go, it’s his duty as a father.

I’ll pray for you
God bless, and hold in there.

 

[sunfleur70]

Thank you for your suggestions! I am new enough that I am not familiar with novenas, so I will check that out. It sounds easy enough. I actually recite the rosary when I am on the treadmill to pass the time.

Take care!

 

[Voradin]

Your welcome,
don’t lose heart!

Take care as well

 

[lizaanne]

First - your husband needs to get to Confession for missing Mass. This is a mortal sin, and he needs to get right with God on this, and get himself back to Mass and live a good example to your son.

Second - he needs to then understand that you are in no way required to observe the same Lenten sacrifices that he chooses for himself. He is being extremely unfair to you in beating you up over this, especially when he has larger issues he needs to address (see my first point). Your Lenten journey is a personal one, and can not be measured by anyone else’s standards.

I would suggest that perhaps the two of you need to speak to your priest together about this if your husband does not “get it”. And he really needs to get to Confession - the state of his eternal soul is at risk.

~Liza

 

[Godfollower]

A suggestion: don’t pair your not-having-given-up-alcohol with his not-having-gone-to-Mass. These are two separate issues that have nothing to do with each other (if you stopped drinking for Lent, would he go to Mass? If he agreed that you could keep drinking, would you be okay with him skipping Mass? Obviously not, to both questions). Each issue should be dealt with separately.

As for the rest of it, some couples agree in advance and do the same thing for Lent (giving something up, taking something on, whatever), but others don’t. It depends on the couple. You may give up drinking for Lent if you choose, but you aren’t required to do so. That’s something for the two of you to decide for yourselves.