Levels of "Debachery"

[nubbin0227]

Hello, I am rather new to the forums. I am a single male, 30-something. I have started attending secular mixers of mostly singles in my area. So I do attend functions outside of church ones.
I met a couple of ladies that were actually active Catholics, even more active in the Catholic community than I am, teaching classes to kids, the youth groups, etc. One had her child recently confirmed. I mentioned I was Catholic too, and the church I went to.

Thing was, though, I got to know them, they were both single, pretty nice. I was later invited by them and their friends to attend a nightclub, I was like, sure I’ll go…haven’t been to one in forever. Only went because it was more of a “niche” group of people, people that knew each other, OR wanted to get to know each other.

Now, being that, apparently, Catholics are a bit more liberal when it comes to “partying” I suppose, I personally never been that much of a partier or a heavy drinker (just nursed a beer or two). But apparently, some Catholics have a reputation (or perhaps portrayed by Saturday Night Lives skits of sorts) that Catholics are less “fuddy duddy”.

Now, I’m not perfect by any means, but I do have my limits of how far I will go, and it is refreshing to meet people who aren’t “Stick in the muds” like some religious people are. But, these ladies were really “gettin’ down” to the music, making close body contact with some people they were more familiar with in the group. I didn’t know them too well, so I decided to just dance near them instead. And I have to admit, I didn’t mind the site of “moving curves”.

I am one of those quiet, easy going guys that are “fuddy duds” when it comes to that kind of thing I guess. I’m kind of one of those shy, nerdy guys that kind of “observe and enjoy” rather than particpate sometimes.

But, of course, it’s probably all in fun, but I was thinking, they are kind of representing the Catholic community in more of a manner than I am. Guess that’s why I just attend church, and nothing more, don’t want anything getting back to anyone.

I was wondering if any of you, outside the church, either out at a seminar for work or a convention or just a night on the town, felt that you actions weren’t all to Christian, even RIGHT at the moment you were doing it?

The question is, also, would these be the kind of ladies to date? Or are they just being human? I don’t judge them at all, they seemed really nice…I think some people just enjoy dancing alot as well, so that could be it.

Any suggestions, (name removed by moderator)ut, feedback on this one? I really don’t want to offend or sound like I’m judgemental.

 

[DanteAlighieri]

I might agree that, though our Church is viewed my many as stodgy and archaic in matters of morality, individual Catholics are often perceived as more “liberal” than many non-Catholic Christians: we are allowed to drink, dance, listen to secular music, etc.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with dancing, drinking, partying, etc., as long as it’s done in moderation and modesty. Debauchery, on the other hand, is sinful, and placing oneself in the near occasion of such sin can be sinful, too.

Perhaps these ladies are strong enough in their spiritual life that such “bumping and grinding” does nothing to stimulate them, and therefore does not tempt them to sin. The fact remains, though, that they are perhaps stimulating others who watch them. Furthermore, if they are teachers at the parish or at a Catholic school, the possibility exists of giving scandal if someone were to see them or hear out of context what they’d been up to.

Without passing judgement on them or their actions, I ask you this, as a fellow “shy, nerdy” type: having seen how these ladies party, do you really feel this is the “niche” in which you belong?

Peace,
Dante

 

[nubbin0227]

I might agree that, though our Church is viewed my many as stodgy and archaic in matters of morality, individual Catholics are often perceived as more “liberal” than many non-Catholic Christians: we are allowed to drink, dance, listen to secular music, etc.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with dancing, drinking, partying, etc., as long as it’s done in moderation and modesty. Debauchery, on the other hand, is sinful, and placing oneself in the near occasion of such sin can be sinful, too.

Perhaps these ladies are strong enough in their spiritual life that such “bumping and grinding” does nothing to stimulate them, and therefore does not tempt them to sin. The fact remains, though, that they are perhaps stimulating others who watch them. Furthermore, if they are teachers at the parish or at a Catholic school, the possibility exists of giving scandal if someone were to see them or hear out of context what they’d been up to.

Without passing judgement on them or their actions, I ask you this, as a fellow “shy, nerdy” type: having seen how these ladies party, do you really feel this is the “niche” in which you belong?

Peace,
Dante

Hi Dante, thank you for your quick reply, you must be a speed reader. lol

Well, I’m sure you might be thinking of the possibility that some people might be “bad company”. However, I would think I can make good judgements on who and who not to spend time with.

For instance, I think I had a old college friend that I never knew smoked pot, when I did find out he did smoke pot, I decided not to hang with him anymore, I come from a pretty conservative family (my dad is retired law enforcement) and they too, are sometimes concerned when I go out. 'Fraid I might wind up in a cult or something. lol I have somewhat protective parents, even for my age, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Anyhow, the activities scheduled are not just limited to partying or whatever, some are a bit more constructive, like outdoor activities, hiking, kayaking, boat trips, the activities are well-varied, so it’s not all about partying.

I alluded to one of the ladies in question about “drinking heartily like a TRUE Catholic” lol…but, is it no laughing matter? I dunno.

So am I finding out what Catholics do outside of church? I mean, I think I’d be naiive to think otherwise.

People of a “Polly-anna” type. "What? You don’t drink? Smoke, etc?? What do you do?? (Yeah, I didn’t drink at all in my early 20’s now I just do the moderation thing.)

 

[Rammy]

I like the way you think Dante!

And Nubbin, what a wonderful honest reflection on your observation and points of view from societies point of view as well. It kind of screamed, do i fit in here, or is this too far?

Dante pretty well expressed what i was thinking, but being a girl, it was of course more to the point, and less wordy…

I was still impressed that the bennifit of the doubt was given to all parties, rational points of self decisions were pointed out where the responsibility is placed in your own hands to decide where your own life should be headed.

Nerd or not, that is still a self diagnoses of how the world views you, and you are still a child of god. If you believe you are his, and want to follow his path, then choose if the company is best suited for your journey. Just as Dante pointed out!

It is nice to see such ideas still passed around…it was identical ponderings my son used to have, and this was what caught my eye. He is three years gone home to his Lord, but at 19, he was a strong spiritual indevidual…but no one but i knew that!

Lana

 

[Bobby_Jim]

When I was in my 20s, and single and lonely I would occasionally hit the bars & night clubs with friends from work. I never did anything that would be called “debauchery”, but I did things just to fit in, like perhaps drink one drink too many, sing bad karaoke, and dance in a ridiculous manner like everyone else. But it was never really “me”, more like a mask that I would put on. Now that I’m older, more mature, and married, I don’t feel the need to do that anymore.

The point is, maybe this is also the case with your lady friends. They may act like this just to fit in with their friends. I would go along with the group just to have something to do besides stay home on Saturday night. And I had fun sometimes. But truth was I was always more comfortable (and more myself) praying the rosary with my church group. So I would try to observe your new friends in a variety of contexts - if you are called to a deeper relationship with them, you may find that they are easily willing to give up the clubbin’ and what not.

 

[briang72]

Getting together with friends and having fun is one thing. Drinking a few beers over the course of a day is not a terrible thing either. Anytime dancing starts to resemble a sexual act, thats when things start to get out of hand. If this is what you meant by close bodily contact, I would distance myself from that kind of act. If you are interested in spending time with these women to get to know them, a night club is pretty low on my suggestion list. Maybe you could suggest some other activity. Organize a bowling night. Or, if you are fortunate enough to have whirlyball (Google "Whirlyball "), try that, it is a blast for both men and women. Point is, there are plenty of better ways to get to know them.