Life impacting decisions?

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Greenfields

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A couple of months ago I had to make one of the toughest decisions of my life ,choosing
the safety of a depressed potentially suicidal child over my new marriage,my husband that I dearly love.It is a complicated story and I was given the ultimatum that if I acted as I was planning to my marriage would end.The child was from a previous annulled marriage.
My husbands siblings failing ‘marriage’ came to an end as consequence also.
No one seemed to be able to give solutions, other options ,advice no matter whom I asked
Psychologists,priests,councillors, friends and family.
Now I have to live with this and anger and dislike.My side of the story unable to be defended.
What does a person do in this situation?How do I live with my actions and no affirmation of the choices I made?
Have you ever had to make a tough ,horrible decision that impacted lives,and could see no other option?
I know I am ultimately answerable to God, but sometimes I wish there could be a court case as something tangible for us all here
 
Gosh! That’s terrible! Sounds like you did what you thought was right. I wish I had something to add.

I will pray for you.
 
Did your husband know about your DD prior to your marriage? If so, did he accept her then?

My DH and I are probably two of the few people who always believe a child’s welfare should be seriously considered before a break-up or new marriage. Adults need companionship, but children need the security. They are not as resilient as some make them out to be!
 
You had a suicidal child and that should be of grave and most important concern. You took that seriously and made a decision. You also obviously talked to priests and counselors for their (name removed by moderator)ut so you made an informed decision.

Not all of the decisions we make especially in grave circumstances are always appreciated. A friend of mine in a similar circumstance had her son committed which angered his father but he was a threat to himself and she was concerned he would take his life as well.

He was diagnosed with major depression and put on medication. The marriage survived but it was a bumpy road for awhile.

FF to 5 years later. Her son is still alive and told his mother (albeit he was furious at the time) she saved his life by doing so. He was actively suicidal and had an active suicide plan he was going to carry out.

I’m not sure if your decision will ever be accepted by your family and my friend’s family was upset for a year and your circumstances were probably different but dire nonetheless.

You know in your heart you made the decision you felt necessary and in the best interest of your child which should be the top priority.

You sound like a wonderful caring mother who had a son who desperately needed some help. I hope in your heart you know that and sometimes what is the best thing to do is not always popular.

God bless you and I hope you find some peace moving forward. I hope your child is doing better.

Mary.
 
Sometimes we make a tough life choice ,and at the time seems a good idea ,
Then , years later we realised it was actually the better choice ,
Because the other choice seems to have sorted itself out,
 
Umm… I am not sure which choice did you make

Did you choose your son over your husband and your husband left you?

Or, did you choose your husband over your son?

I am confused
 
1990Domer said:
Did your husband know about your DD prior to your marriage? If so, did he accept her then?

My DH and I are probably two of the few people who always believe a child’s welfare should be seriously considered before a break-up or new marriage. Adults need companionship, but children need the security. They are not as resilient as some make them out to be!
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My husband and I both didn’t know my daughter was having difficulties before we married.
We also both didn’t know my son was in trouble and going to have depression later on either.
 
Anglewannabe said:
Umm… I am not sure which choice did you make

Did you choose your son over your husband and your husband left you?

Or, did you choose your husband over your son?

I am confused
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I had to choose my daughters safety over my marriage ,the same week I found safety for her
my son came home and I cared for him through drug withdrawal .😦 I knew I was loosing my husband , but I was saving my children .
 
Greenfields said:
I had to choose my daughters safety over my marriage ,the same week I found safety for her
my son came home and I cared for him through drug withdrawal .😦 I knew I was loosing my husband , but I was saving my children .
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I’m really sorry you were forced into a situation where you had to choose children over a marriage. Is there any hope of a restored relationship with your husband?

I will pray for you.

Mary.
 
MaryT777 said:
I’m really sorry you were forced into a situation where you had to choose children over a marriage. Is there any hope of a restored relationship with your husband?

I will pray for you.

Mary.
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I don’t think so, he says he may have met someone else 😦 doesn’t want counselling for us
Thank you for prayers:)
 
Greenfields said:
I had to choose my daughters safety over my marriage ,the same week I found safety for her
my son came home and I cared for him through drug withdrawal .😦 I knew I was loosing my husband , but I was saving my children .
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As much as I am sorry for your pain, you made the right decision. Children only have one mom and praise the Lord your kids have a mom who loves them. I know this is no consolation but it sounds like your ex husband is selfish. How could he think for one minute he could come before your kids
 
Anglewannabe said:
As much as I am sorry for your pain, you made the right decision. Children only have one mom and praise the Lord your kids have a mom who loves them. I know this is no consolation but it sounds like your ex husband is selfish. How could he think for one minute he could come before your kids
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Agreed. You absolutely made the right decision, OP. I can’t believe your husband would force an ultimatum like that, you’re much better off without him even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.

Lou
 
That sounds like an awful situation and it’s sad that you reached out to so many people and and got nothing back. From what I can tell you did the right thing putting the needs of your child first and you aren’t wrong to feel angry about all this. I hope your child is doing better and that you are able to find a healthy way to process all this.
 
I don’t feel anger, I think sadness and hurt and dissapointment, but no anger 🙂
I realised my family and children take cues from me and I’m responsible for how I pass on
reactions and coping strategies I just need to learn to be at peace ,not keep cross questioning myself over and over ,I just have to give it to God somehow
Thanks so much for (name removed by moderator)ut
 
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I hope your children are doing well today.

Several weeks ago I happened upon a youtube video by Rabbi Abraham Twerski.youtube.com/watch?v=HSD2QHXoLP0

It was about decisions. That decisions are a form of assertiveness. But, the most important thing about decisions is that you should base your decisions not about the outcome but the how and why we chose them. I re-listened to his talk here is a little synopsis.
Keep in mind:
  1. We are not always going to make the correct decisions.
    But,
  2. Our decisions must be made with Integrity.
After you do the best you can, sought good advice/expert advice if possible, understand that some of the consequences of your decision may be unwelcome.

Decisions are good or bad on how we made them, *not *the consequences or 'how they turn out." I make the decision with integrity, not with ‘what is the best result for me’ but the ‘right reasons to do what I am doing’.

I believe your decision was for the best under the circumstances. You have no control over your husband’s choices.

You and your family will be in my prayers.
 
Thank you for the link,prayers and wisdom 🙂
My two children are doing ok,one better than the other thanks.
 
Greenfields said:
Thank you for the link,prayers and wisdom 🙂
My two children are doing ok,one better than the other thanks.
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I wish I wrote it more eloquently, and fleshed out a bit more.

I can’t imagine the stress you have been under, but am glad there is improvement in your children’s situation.

BTW, I’ve struggled with decisions, some of which were life altering, some not so much. For instance my career path may or may not have been the best choice as I look back and deal with my difficulty getting a job mid-life, but I chose it with a nod to my abilities and after praying about it many years ago. (I coulda woulda shoulda all over myself this past year, and Dr. Twerski certainly helped me out with his little video with my PAST decision. I’m ready to take on some new ones. 🙂 )

This year I also was privileged to hear my former pastor talk about how God is the God of the Impossible. How God raises the dead, not just cures the sick. There was more, but I walked away with the sense of awe. I don’t want life to become impossible and difficult. Who would? But God can take it on for us and turn it out for good.

God Bless you Greenfields.
 
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