Life improved, but at great cost to another

[whatistrue]

I don’t really know how to describe my dilemma well, so I will just lay out the facts and ask for any insight that anyone might have.

My life as a whole is going better now than it has in a long time. I am happily married to a marvelous (devout Catholic) lady, have 2 children who are also doing better than they have in several years, and am happily making retirement plans and looking forward to a life of enjoyment and not precisely ease but at least contentment.

The fly in this ointment is that none of this would have been even remotely possible had my first wife not died unexpectedly while I was out shopping for the weekly groceries. There are other aspects to the story, but I can’t really get into them without it sounding like I am blaming her for the entire situation, and I cannot honestly do that.

But I guess the basic question/conundrum here is, why did someone have to die for me to find my happiness?

 

[Dan_Defender]

God works in mysterious ways.

 

[GEddie]

Her death was the will of God, not your own. You still have life to.live,make the most of it!

ICXC NIKA

 

[adamhovey1988]

My father died when I was a child. I do NOT get along with my stepdad. But, without him, I would not have my two youngest sisters, whom I could not imagine life without. Life is funny like that. We probably won’t know the answers to those questions this side of Heaven, and more importantly, we might not want to.

 

[VeryBlessed]

Someone else also died for you so that you might find your happiness…

And your first wife would want you to be happy. Both wives were a gift to you from a God who deeply, personally loves you. God specializes in bringing good out of bad (think of Easter, for instance!). You’re happy because he loves you…

 

[Convert3]

Thank God for the blessings you have. We can’t know why things happen to us in life.

 

[Gertabelle]

Your first wife didn’t have to die for you to find your happiness.

Your first wife died. Fact.

You found your second wife and created a life you love. Fact.

 

[1ke]

why did someone have to die for me to find my happiness?

Someone died and you found happiness after they died. One did not cause the other.

If your first wife had not died, you would have had a different life but you don’t know that it wouldn’t have been happy or successful, etc. it just would have been different.

 

[whatistrue]

Thank you for that.

 

[tafan2]

Before answering you initial question, I would ask you to reconsider the concept of happiness. We all have our crosses to bear, and yet we can still be happy. I know a couple of very happy/joyful people who suffer a great deal (more than I would ever want to). We choose to be happy.
You think your life is going great and you are so happy. Imagine if a couple of things you mention turned around, could you still be happy?
What makes you think you would not have been happy if your first wife had survived?

 

[whatistrue]

I do appreciate the thought, but my feeling is that it was the only way out for me. The issue is that my first marriage had become somewhat of a trap and basically was sucking the life out of me, but I didn’t fully see it at the time. And even though I was a definite agnostic I nevertheless considered myself bound to the marriage based on my belief that one keeps one’s promises. I can’t get into details as to why I felt that way because all I can give is my side and I don’t think it is fair when there is no chance of anyone getting her side, no matter what it might be.

 

[Gertabelle]

Reread this:

Someone died and you found happiness after they died. One did not cause the other.

If your first wife had not died, you would have had a different life but you don’t know that it wouldn’t have been happy or successful, etc. it just would have been different .

The “someone-had-to-die-for-me-to-find-happiness” is just a story your mind invented. The two things are not related. You and your late wife might well have found a way to create a wonderful life. You cannot know what might have been.

Just be happy and thankful. If you really can’t let go of this line of thinking, set up an appointment to speak with a priest or counselor. Sounds like your first wife died a long time ago – it’s time to let this go.